Arguing and Fighting: How Can You Fix Your Spouse

Male: Hey you guys, thanks so much for the great comment you believe in all the videos. We always want to know what you have to say, so you know whether you agree with us, we really like or if you disagree with us in a nice constructive and useful way— Female: You know one of our favorite folks on YouTube is Sexy Phil, you don’t want sexy feel you’re missing out but I love what he says. If their talking about you, you’re doing something right. Male: His right, so anyway we always want to know what you guys think so I’ll always leave comments, okay, so today the thing again I’ll be leaving a comment later. How can you fix someone else? Not with the hammer, me and my— Female: Double barrel. Male: No, this is not the clock solution— Female: Blow something up, that fixes everything. Male: Most of the time, okay how do you fix someone else, me and my fiancé girlfriend are constantly at war. Hey, there are normal argument she seems to confuse facts and twist words for her own benefit and once I’ve proven the fact that I’m right to an unbiased third party—oh no, not to an unbiased there right? Once I’ve proven the fact that I’m right, she just ignores it completely and just drifts on to another argument or a situation. This has made the case why you never ever got a relationship there if you’re by yourself because their going to hear that and nobody calling called BS. Could be true but it’s unlike—there are also trust issues on her part. She’s always snooping on my computer and in my house. Does she feel that she needs to? I don’t do these things to her, there’s also a lot of score keeping on both sides. I really don’t want to loose her. There are good times, honest there, we’ve had good times but I feel like I’m being treated—untreated for what? If you just said like I feel like I’m being treated, I’m like treated for what? I should also mention that she’s in a middle of a— Female: Unfairly, I think it was unfairly. Male: Probably, she’s in a middle of a two-year divorce/custody battle. Female: So what with the two years divorce battles today? Male: Does anybody want to get together and get apart anymore, like all the long-term relationship—long distance relationships and the retirement planning divorces. Any advice for us would be appreciated on how to fix these troubles on girlfriend. Female: Ego. Male: This is such a he said, she said thing and she’s doing good, she’s doing that and I’m not really that bad. This woman needs fixing, this to me just— Female: Probably looking for a reason to fight. Male: It screams for the need to sit down with an unbiased third party and say, look, I feel that you’re doing all this, I feel this stuff and you can say she’s doing it whatever just dumps it all on this one unbiased third party. And she can get her side because this is the kind of crap that his friend Joe here she has done me wrong with this, with this, with this. And this completely and utterly useless conversation. It just seems a very complaint at email, message and its hard to know who’s right, who’s wrong, he’s feeling mistreated but I think their reeling in a third party to really step in and help. Female: It’s a fight, everybody needs to step back and take a breath. Male: When all this fighting and all this war and all this stuff, what do you think? Male 1: I need a drink. Male: I bet, after all—I know I do. Male 1: It looks like we have a drama king living with a drama queen. Female: Yes, it’s a perfect match made in hell. Male 1: And the bottom line here is that she doesn’t make any sense because she’s not coming from logic, she’s coming from feelings and she uses feelings to validate her perceptions. The male uses logic to validate their perceptions and its like— Female: He’s like I proved my point logically but she just changes it, well it’s because she’s coming from emotion, it doesn’t matter what you say or how logical it is. It’s not going to click with her. Male1: Well it’s the old men are from mars, women are from Venus and if you’ve not read the book, you might want to. Female: It’s a good book, now keep in mind the boy maybe a little more from Venus and the girl maybe a little more from mars. Male: I thought were going to talk about that. Female: But if really—I wasn’t it was not looking at that, they definitely apply. Male: One of the parties who particularly likes to cave and one— Male 1: And quite frankly you know because of the amount of drama that was indicated, it just even the way they expressed it would indicate that this people, their getting some hits, some warm fuzzy out of all this conflict and drama. Yeah you fix al this; they don’t have no relationship anymore because they are feeding of this energy from each other. Female: And I have to remind you, I shortened this questions and I remember this one. It was at least four times as long, okay I was trying to scoop out the details. Male 1: Yeah, so you know part of it maybe just needing to learn to actually love the other person, love meaning unconditional acceptance of that other person. It doesn’t mean I love you but only if you think the way that I do— Female: And it’s not about being right and proving your point. Male: That’s all ego crap and by the way, if you want to understand ego there’s a wonderful new book out or fairly new called a new earth by Ecker Tolley, it’s all in the bookstores. In grocery stores, it’s been on the best seller this and if you’re not initiated in understanding, what the ego is and the pain body in all that. It’s a wonderful read for the uninitiated where you don’t really have any background in this, its not boring. Its not clinical and it will definitely raise your consciousness but it maybe that this two as much as they are going like this all the time, that maybe what keeps them together. What should be fixed, I don’t know, it depends on the people. If the people that sent this in, the guy that sent this in is watching this, if he feels motivated to get that book about ego then he really wants to fix it. But if he says, oh I don’t need to read that book, that may indicate you just—you like the dynamic of what’s going on there, so a lot of people like chaos and doesn’t make judgments about it. Female: What about one of other female councilor who’s telling us when they did a lot of times when couples come to counseling, their just coming there hoping that they can share their side of the story and the councilor will say, see, you’re right. I mean and I feel like that’s what he’s doing there, he wants us to say yeah you’re right, she guessed. Male: That’s the feeling I get out of this which is frustrating me because of the one sided perspective because I always had such an issue whenever you see guys bitching on their friends. Or girls bitching to their girlfriends and at least I never really liked to partake on those bitch moaning sessions is because its so one sided. When you try to dump all your baggage on someone else, you know its going to be one sided as much as I try to make it not, I know that it is which why I refuse to do it most of the time. Anyway, good luck.