Asexual Wanting BDSM But Not Sex

Dan: Wanting BDSM but not sex, interesting. I have been asexual all my life, he says or she says. And she says, and I met my boyfriend on an asexual website. Its like sexually agnostic, thats interesting. I recently started taking medication and I am getting a sex drive. Wow, thats new, okay. What concerns me is that I am desiring BDSM rather than sex. The last time we dry humped, I found myself -- what are you doing? You are looking at the puppy, you are telling me not to look at the puppy and you look at the puppy. This is so not fair -- Jeniffer: Making choice is not here on the powerchord -- Dan: Yeah, thats true. Anyway, so last time we dry humped, I found myself thinking, you dirty filthy F and -- Jeniffer: We are nor going to say that along here. Dan: Oh, thats hot! Anyway -- Jeniffer: We're rated PG. Dan: I found that I was incredibly turned on by all these bad, bad thoughts, and thats just not like me. I don't mind fantasizing about BDSM, but I don't want the desire to engage in BDSM in real life out of my head. We will get to that. I can live with normal sex and could even live with having sex, okay, but I cant be happy engaging the BDSM that I fantasize about. I add a little bit of that. My mind would never be at peace if I did, yet my body is screaming at me to do so and to do it quickly -- Jeniffer: I should now be ending this one. Dan: And hard, and talk dirty while I do it. Jeniffer: Okay, I have did a little research on this. You know I have heard of asexual, but in biology, I didn't realize that, that is actually considered kind of a sexual -- whats the word I am looking for -- Dan: Orientation? Jeniffer: Orientation, thank you. It is actually a type of sexual orientation just like straight, and gay, and bi, and lesbian and all kinds of other stuff, depend on that currently you can be asexual too -- Dan: You know, I think I have a confession to make in front of you and all of our viewers and the puppy, I am not sexually agnostic or asexual, I am just not -- Jeniffer: Okay, here was my concern when raising the question -- Dan: I like girls, what too much -- Jeniffer: Hey normally I would say, you know what, get over it, its okay, there is nothing wrong with BDSM to a point. But the one thing that she said was that, she just started taking medication -- Dan: Yeah, thats a red flag there, because you just don't know well especially if its a mood altering pills. Jeniffer: Yeah, and what I didn't put on the card is a much longer question. She had some problem with some epilepsy and stuff like that which tells me the medication that she is on probably is a mind altering medication. Dan: So you don't know what those medicines do. They don't all just do the one thing, that you want them to do, they are usually lots and lots of side effects and unintended consequences. Jeniffer: Yeah, and if these just came on all of a sudden and they are incredibly intense, you definitely need to talk to your doctor. Talk to your medical doctor, find out if there is any weird side effects with the medication you are taking, maybe talk with a psychologist because it sounds like there maybe some combination efforts going on here. But definitely don't make any major life changes right after you start taking a major medication. You would be amazed that the number of divorces that happen right after one or both parties get on anti depressants because it changes things and, you start taking anti depressants and you meet someone and all of a sudden, oh hey, they make me feel good, when in reality it was the anti depressants and its messing with the way of thinking, and don't change your life when you start taking drugs. Dan: How many people are going to go to the doctor and say, you know, I didn't really think about sex, but now I want to get into the really kinky bonded stuff -- Jeniffer: No, no, no, I am just saying you don't have to say that your doctor, but say, "Look, these pills -- I am asexual", and you have got to tell them that and I am staring to have strong sexual desires and fantasies that I am not accustomed with -- Dan: And you can leave it with that. Jeniffer: Could it be the medication -- Dan: Yeah, exactly Jeniffer: Yeah, could it be the medication -- Dan: Yeah, so -- Jeniffer: Now, assuming you wait several months and its not the medication, look, if you are having these desires and fantasies, if you suppress them, you are causing yourself harm and may end up causing someone else harm, just because you are repressing your desire and thats just never a safe thing. Dan: Whats the thing on sex fantasies and friendship -- Jeniffer: I am just going to say one thing, the Catholic Church. Okay, all the cases of pedophilia, this is what happens when you suppress something that is so strong and so innate in your being, its going to come out somewhere -- Dan: And you know, I feel like this is how I begin describing but noting not wrong with the religion and a lot wonderful religious people are out there but denying natural human urges is -- Jeniffer: Unhealthy. Dan: Typically unhealthy and typical it leads to all kinds of bad stuff. But, generally, all our take on fetishes and fantasies, we consult the adults, long as you don't hurt anybody, whatever, so what, enjoy. Jeniffer: Yeah, so I challenge you to question yourself if you love fantasizing about BDSM stuff to the point -- okay, we don't not advocate ever hurting anyone else or letting someone else physically hurt you, okay, we are just talking about role play, okay. Role play and everybody is happy and everybody is comfortable, but you should maybe questioned with yourself why its okay to fantasize about it, but not actually do it. Dan: Yeah, because that was a very big thing for me, I was reading this thing, and while I was ogling a bit -- Jeniffer: Because --- Dan: I can live with normal sex and I could even live with having sex, but I can t be happy engage in BDSM, but I can live with fantasizing about it, but I cant do it. Jeniffer: What fun are fantasies that you cant try them? Dan: And share them with somebody you can have fun with. Jeniffer: Yeah, we just maybe question that but don't do anything drastic when you are taking medication. And if anyone watching this actually had any ideas for her, maybe ease into the BDSM stuff and not feel so guilty about it, because I know of lot of people go through that any kind of bytes you have would be greatly appreciated. Dan: Yeah something to accept those fantasies and actually bring them out not in a harmful way. We are all people. We want to help each other. So anything help then make a comment.