Coping with a Long Distance Relationship

Jennifer: Hey, guys. Dan and Jennifer back here with our good friend and life coach, Paul Carlson helping us out on a tough relationship questions and as always, leave a comment. Let us know what you think on the end of this one. This one is a, “Get another” a long distance relationship question. Dan: Does nobody like relationship to get there anymore? What’s up with that? Jennifer: Hi, Dan and Jennifer. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. My parents moved to Arizona two and a half years ago and my boyfriend and I moved in together. I’ve missed my parents so much and we’re still young in our relationship so I decided to move to Arizona and to be with my parents to think things through. He was very supportive. I was hoping he would come too but it’s been almost a year and he hasn’t. I’m concerned in moving but I recently purchased a house and I’ll lose money if I pulled out of the house. My parents would also be upset because I just moved here eight months ago and now I want to go back. I don’t know what to do. Dan: Wait a minute, if the parents might potentially disapprove of your life make decision, then clearly, you have to say no and move back in with the parents, right. Jennifer: Okay, my opinion on this either cut the chord or climb back in the womb. I don’t know—but— Dan: So, you will move back in with the folks and you bought a house that your folks encouraged as my guess, and you will be happy because you might lose part of the investment if you actually move out, you might not get the best value or whatever. And also, they wouldn’t be happy for it? Are you living or are you living your parent’s life precariously. I’m just wondering, if you really want to be with this guy, right. Jennifer: Well, and that’s the question. Dan: Or do you? Jennifer: Are you ready for that kind of a relationship? Are you ready to move in with your boyfriend, you know it sounds like I don’t know, maybe not but— Dan: And not is okay. Jennifer: It’s all okay, Paul. Paul Carlson: It sounds to me like a power ploy. Stop and think about what she did. She moved to a different city after being with her boyfriend and living with him. She moves to a different city so she could be close to her parents, okay. So right there, you’re wondering— Jennifer: They’ve been dating for three years. Paul Carlson: And they’ve been dating for three years— Jennifer: It’s not a new relationship. Paul Carlson: Right, and so she moves to another state, another place and the key here that kind of tunes me in is, she buys a house. Dan: Away from her boyfriend. Jennifer: Hoping he’ll follow. Paul Carlson: Well, and is it that a power ploy? Jennifer: That is a power ploy. Paul Carlson: And maybe he’s not following is look, I’m not going to have somebody trying to play this you now power ploys with me. That’s not what I want to do with the rest of life. It’s just you know, succumbing to her power ploys and we don’t know if he got along with the parents or just you know what all that dynamic was. So, I think that she wasn’t all that convinced that this was the right guy or she wouldn’t be playing these games. Jennifer: Yeah. Paul Carlson: She wouldn’t just stay with them. Dan: Exactly. Jennifer: Yeah, if you’re serious s enough, nothing can drag you away. I don’t care what anybody says. Dan: Been there, done that, I mean how many times, you said, “Mom, Dad, but I love him. Don’t you? Oh, well. Forget him then.” I mean, it’s not just the way it usually works. Paul Carlson: Your parents are going to you know generally, you don’t live with your parent into your ’30s, ’40s, ’50s and ’60s and your parents are going to pass on at some point anyway. This is about your life with your significant other and it seems like she is making choices that are more— Dan: A parent. Paul Carlson: Yeah, so if they’ve been in the certain level of emotionally maturity is going on here. Dan: Yeah.