Dan: Where are the questions these are the answers. You cannot do that.
Jennifer: Is this for real cat list?
Dan: I hope so we work pretty darn hard to make it for real.
Jennifer: It is just your imagination.
Dan: Technically real is a very arbitrary term, but why can’t you go there?
Jennifer: Where is my martini?
Dan: What? You have martini.
Jennifer: Where is it?
Dan: I poured you with that earlier/
Jennifer: Sorry guys.
Dan: If he has question, tell her how to answer the question. Jennifer is putting the link up, we grabbed the questions everyday from the forums, or you can cry to Jennifer.
Jennifer: Hey Kev, if you have a question during the show, send us private chat and if you have a question when we are offline, hold on and I will put up a forum link, if I can find it, there it is. There you go, if you have a question or offline then you can go there and ask us a question so, we are waiting for Danny, while he gets my martini because that is absolutely critical.
Dan: Absolutely.
Jennifer: Absolutely.
Dan: You need help even him out?
Jennifer: So it is like.
Dan: What?
Jennifer: Hey, life is good. What time is it here? It is 1:00 p.m. Central time
Dan: Pacific, whatever.
Jennifer: Yeah 11 Pacific, just still his and you steal mine all the time.
Dan: I do not, I equalize them, just that I drink faster.
Jennifer: Yeah, yeah okay.
Dan: I’m trying to be fair.
Jennifer: Take this thing off.
Dan: Right, got to be fair, and all of that there it is.
Jennifer: There is no such thing as fair.
Dan: What is that all thing, that fair comes to town once here.
Jennifer: It comes once a year on the fall. Alright number nine, if you have a question, send us a private chat okay?
Dan: Yes because we prep the show everyday, we try to give you guys a good show and we prep it from the questions and the forums are favorite, what do you go for? Answers, I see I have the questions, you have the answers, I see what is up.
Jennifer: I always have all the answers.
Dan: She wants to know if it we are blessed by the church there.
Jennifer: There is this how you define married? We filed joint taxes, does that count?
Dan: Hey was it my life.
Jennifer: Yes we are, you know, we are partners okay, in business, in crime, in life and everything. That was weird.
Dan: We need to get pulse of another one.
Jennifer: One of our life tells us short
Dan: Oh my God, your joke is so cute to be on the show, can’t show on the camera.
Jennifer: No let us get started, we are late already.
Dan: Alright, we are going, are we recording yet?
Jennifer: Yup. I do the whole check.
Dan: Guys hold that sign, one of our lights is—you can only have so many 500-watt bulbs in one room, until one gets upset.
Jennifer: No it is not the bulb.
Dan: It is the squeaky wheel we need to move it?
Jennifer: Nobody breath, nobody breath. Okay.
Dan: Alright.
Jennifer: A woman’s touch.
Dan: A woman’s touch, I love it.
Jennifer: Okay, so who are we? We are Dan and Jennifer from AskDanandJennifer.com, we are here everyday 11:00 a.m. Pacific time every week day. Maybe after a year I will get that right, 11:00 a.m. Pacific time, we are talking about dating, love, sex, answering your questions, pulling questions out of our forums which is down at the bottom, sometimes we go on a rant like if you missed yesterday’s show, that was a bit of a rant.
Dan: Yeah that was, Jack said who is responsible? Grown ups are not teaching the kids sex ed.
Jennifer: Yup but today I pulled my favorite five, my top five favorites from the forum.
Dan: You said favorite, you looked at me and I thought you will do something else. Okay so yeah, but every week day, when we first started doing our live show, we are doing that once a week and we tried it for Sunday afternoons at 5:00 but you know, you just not always sober into your head by Sunday afternoons at 5:00. It just does not always work that way.
Jennifer: And it was just totally off topic guys, but we laugh so much, because we have been doing this for about a year and a half technically two years. But really doing what we do for about a year and a half and when we first started our website, we are like I know if we tried really hard, we can post one article a week. And now we are doing multiple articles and videos and stuff everyday, we are doing the live show, we are just, we are doing like 20 times more than we thought we ever—
Dan: You are not being very nice.
Jennifer: Hey be nice.
Dan: Yeah, be nice, we have a be nice policy, so if you do not like don’t be rude She is right, we will be asking, it is true, alright we are going to the show so have faith.
Jennifer: That is our life’s purpose actually.
Dan: Okay why are we talking about that?
Jennifer: I just pulled my five, the questions that I was inspired for the day.
Dan: Question number one.
Jennifer: Pregnant, confused and in love.
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year but there was never a clear line on exactly what kind of relationship we shared. I spent five out of seven days a week with him, spending the night and playing house, I guess you could say. During this time, he dumped me and he tried to have a relationship with another girl, and was still sleeping with his ex-wife.
Dan: He is a versatile guy.
Jennifer: Somewhere along this roller coaster ride, I found out that I was pregnant. I was on the pill but got pregnant anyway. I do not know that I will ever be able to trust him, so my question is it is even worth it to try and have a relationship with someone just to raise a child?
Dan: Oh man that is a loaded one. That is so loaded! First the birth control thing, you know what it is not a 100% and a lot of people like to have sex without a condom, so we are talking very—. We went about this and went on onto this topic yesterday about you know use a condom. You know it really, really, really increases the chance of being safer. A lot of guys prefer without and girls but if she is on birth control, that is not a 100%.
Jennifer: Okay, this is girl to girl, okay? Ultimately we like to think that babies are shared responsibilities and we will work together to take care of them. But ultimately, as a woman, you have the final say and the final control over having a baby, no matter how you like it. Sure about right here if you want to assist—
Dan: I appreciate it, thank you.
Jennifer: So, but as a woman, okay, birth control pills are 99% effective if used under the exact perfect conditions and you follow all of the directions, okay, you take it the same time everyday, you are not taking any other medications or vitamin supplement.
Dan: That could potentially impacted, you do not know.
Jennifer: And here is about most people do not realize, they are not immediately effective. You have to take them for anywhere between one to three months before you reach that level of safety.
Dan: Safety of the guy, if you get circumcised, I was in there, I was in the doctor’s office trying to figure out, get all the details on and the guy said, yes you know what 3 months from now, you will be pretty certain to be—really, 3 months. So let us say you have to go for three test over that 3 month period, I am thinking how, I was hoping by Thursday and he is like, no.
Jennifer: So like if you are going to have sex, we are all about the double layer protection, use condom.
Dan: Yes, the pill is pretty darn effective to not have a baby, the condom is somewhat effective to not having baby put him together, there are a lot more safe, double their protection.
Jennifer: And nobody wants to admit it but every time you have sex, protected or unprotected, there is a chance that she will get pregnant.
Dan: Little ones, screaming—sex ed.
Jennifer: Okay, here is the deal, okay it is his choices to step up and be—to take his share of the responsibility. Your responsibility is to be honest with him, to let him know he is the father, to let him know that you are pregnant with his child and I hate to say this but that is where your control over this situation ends. It is up to him to step up and take his share of responsibility. So—
I know it is hard, okay and specially the woman, you are like dude it is your responsibility, you step up and be a man.
Dan: Sounds good in theory but it may not always happen, you know.
Jennifer: Yeah I want my kids clean their room too but—
Dan: And I want to have my bed redelivered this afternoon but it is not happening this afternoon.
Jennifer: Yup, yup so just recognize it and the other question I have for you and I do not care what side you guys fall on this issue but there are other options, do you want to keep the baby, okay?
Dan: It is a question.
Jennifer: You have the options to terminate the pregnancy; you have the option of adoption okay. And I am not pushing one way or another because I know, as a woman, something like that would be the most emotional thing I could ever imagine having to deal with that before, during and after so.
Dan: But we are pretty big on knowing your options.
Jennifer: Yes.
Dan: Know your options, know their impacts, be informed, you cannot be smart unless you are informed and know your options.
Jennifer: Yeah longer than I expected to but that is okay. If you guys are just now joining us, we are Dan and Jennifer from AskDanandJennifer.com, we are here everyday at 11:00 a.m., every weekday at 11:00 a.m. Pacific Time.
Dan: Dating love and sex, and we choreograph the show every morning for our favorite questions from the forums. So any questions you have, ask me at the forums, we have a very supportive community, it is us, it is our panel of experts.
Jennifer: Yup, next question.
Dan: Help me sexless marriage.
Jennifer: That is one of the most common questions we get.
Dan: There is so many people, have a level, it is our cat list, word from Dallas.
Jennifer: Dallas, Texas is like a hundred degrees here today.
Dan: Coming to you live from Dallas, we are at a hundred and something degrees outside, we have 4 500 bulbs, actually three that one just went out. We are working on it, okay. This is a huge and popular question that so many people have these issue and most do not talk about it. You know how you start out, you are having sex like bunnies, right in the beginning you are having so much sex and that is great and it is wonderful and after a while , it sort of dies. It happens to a lot of folks. What?
Jennifer: Dan.
Dan: So here it is, the short version. He says hi, this guy says hi, been married to my wife for five years, we have two children and a four year old and a ten month old, I am sorry, two children, a four year old and a ten month old, so that you have a baby, okay whatever. I am currently a stay at home dad and my wife works and she has fairly stressful job.
Jennifer: I am sorry I am not the type of—
Dan: Fairly, fairly, fairly. While my wife was pregnant with both children, our sex life was nonexistent when she was—
Jennifer: Very common, very common.
Dan: In the last ten months though, we have been having an average sex once a month, only when I complained that we ever have sex. You got to remember they have a ten month old. You know getting out of that wrath is also not easy. It got into the point where my wife won’t even let me come near her even to hug or cuddle on sofa.
Jennifer: She is like rejecting him completely.
Dan: I am at the point where I am ready to go, the only thing really keeping me are our two children. I really love my wife and I like to fix this but I am out of ideas, I mean we do have this natural impulse, natural instinct to have sex it is one of those needs.
Jennifer: It is perfectly natural and it is very common for the man to have a higher sex drive than the women, although we see that reversed a lot.
Dan: Sometimes you see, oh my God, you know, I got to have a thing with one of her girlfriends or whatever and oh my God, now she wants to have sex all the time, she is like super nympho! That is cool and all.
Jennifer: So here is the deal on this okay, you get married, you have kids, you are tired, you are exhausted, you are busy and your sex life drive is like—right.
Dan: You prioritize, everything in your life gets a priority, whether you admit it or not.
Jennifer: And something, with just one quick comment I want to make, first of all, stop complaining, okay do not complain about anything. Do not complain about being hot, because here is the deal, okay we are big believers and the law of attraction, creating your own life in this kind of stuff and the more you complain, the more stuff the universe is going to give you to complain about.
Dan: Here is the way that more people will relate to, which is once you focus on growth—you see more results from the thing you focus on. It is like treat that psychologically and whatever way that you wish but the reality is, something that you will always see, the more time you spend bitching and whining about stuff in complaining, the more kind of stuff you have to complain about.
Jennifer: The more things you are grateful for, the more things you get to be grateful.
Dan: It is still, the really weird thing but it is kind of how it works out.
Jennifer: Okay, coming from a woman’s perspective, she is exhausted. At this point, sex has become another to do item on her list and she wants nothing to do with it, okay? So how can you help her? How is a man? What can the man do to help her not feel like this is a to do item?
Dan: The man can make her tea?
Jennifer: Can you be a little more constructive?
Dan: And coffee. And can occasionally take dishes out of the dishwasher and even put them in there, okay you could help okay, seriously, no longer talk here about me. We can actually help the woman get some of her work done, you like that?
Jennifer: Okay so, for my notes, what can we do.?
Dan: What is that?
Jennifer: Let us read the questions.
Dan: Some inspiration there. Okay I would not even get to this yet—
Jennifer: Yes I agree—I want to talk about why is she exhausted, because we use to say with Dan, he is doing most of the kid work, she has got a job, I agree.
Dan: There seem to be like she is taking a night school too, you know what I mean?
Jennifer: He did not say that.
Dan: He did not say that but it could be.
Jennifer: I think there is another issue and we are just kind of covering all of the basis but that is another issue here and even after I printed these out this morning, it came back with another response to it, we will share when we are done.
Dan: Okay, so this is a point I like to get to a little later in the conversation but I guess we are getting to it now. Look, in the beginning, when you had lots of sex and when you had a really exciting relationship, when you were dating, what changed? What can you do to get close to that relationship if you had when you were dating, when you were having an exciting, wonderful time together, yes you have a baby.
Jennifer: It just Dan stop—
Dan: Okay, I love you.
Jennifer: I can multi-task I am a girl. Boys cannot multitask.
Dan: What? Look—okay, seriously in the beginning you do whatever to court her you know nobody uses that word anymore, but to get her attention. You take her out, you go to dinner, you come up with all kinds of ideas, you guys will go out, you have fun together, you play together and you have lots of sex together. These days are sort of partner you are like almost silent partners in this relationship, well—and you do not do that fun stuff that kept you together in the beginning because some of the chemistry has worn off, but most parts because we allow it to wear out.
Jennifer: We get complaisant.
Dan: Yeah, so what can you do? Go on a couple of dates together, literally, schedule a time, once a week, Friday nights are hot date nights, sounds funny? It ain’t funny that you are having sex one every three months, that is not funny.
Jennifer: I hate to say but you are going to have to steal her heart and blow her away, you did it once, try it again now, but, I kept trying to get Dan to do bullet point number two, the first thing you have to do okay if she is exhausted—here is what women do okay and it is wrong, I will admit it but I am a woman and I do it too.
Dan: And you re beautiful.
Jennifer: We tend to do what we perceive as giving and giving and giving and giving, we look up one day and we are not getting anything in return. It is like I give everything to this relationship and you give me nothing in return.
Dan: I thought our conversation was over.
Jennifer: Really we had this conversation before too, but it is not his fault okay. It is her fault because she does not know when to say no and our great friend Paul with personal changes which I—you’ll see him in the forums, he is one of our panel experts but—
Dan: And he appears in a lot of our videos because he is awesome.
Jennifer: Yeah, he is awesome, everybody loves him, if you ever watch any of our videos, watch the ones with Paul because everybody who watches just love him to death.
Dan: And we love him and our videos then I will tell you, he is a very, very modern man.
Jennifer: He is great, but one thing he had us to because get this okay, we, about two years ago, started spending 24/7 together, you know, before somebody had a job, somebody was home, somebody was counteracting whatever, al of a sudden we were together 24/7 and—
Dan: We are kind of a new project.
Jennifer: We woke up one day and thought we were going to kill each other, we could not figure out why and he made that.
Dan: He is going to kill me.
Jennifer: Take one hour a day to ourselves, okay, separate, not together, no code dependencies stuff, we are separate, doing something we enjoy that is no kids, no jobs, no chores, no to do items, doing something that we enjoy for an hour a day separately, and you know what, it is amazing, the results that that has. Just taking some time to yourself because we are also busy, we forget to do that.
Dan: I mean being together with your partner 24/7 is somewhat unusual, not a lot of people do not get to experience that and many would not want to but seriously, you need to take some time away for yourself, the guy, the girl, everyone, just with your own thoughts, with yourself, do something fun that you enjoy.
Jennifer: Yeah, read a book, work out, go swim, go for a walk, go hang out with the girls, go hang out with the guys, whatever, something that is fun.
Dan: See, that is what we are talking about, a book.
Jennifer: Hey, I have a book too, several of them actually. Okay, so he wrote back to us after we had already printed this question out and he is like guys, I am doing all those things. He is like, I do not know what to do, I have tried everything, he even went so far because of one thing that we put in the forum that we did not talk about was making sure sex was enjoyable for her. I don’t know if you guys have heard of the three before me rule but basically she needs to have an orgasm or even think about it.
Dan: A very, very popular book out there and was it that she comes first and then you have to put the second on, he comes second apparently not everybody is—
Jennifer: So here is my deal, when you find yourself in a situation where you tried all these things and you feel like you tried everything as a last result, or even before it gets that far, go to counseling as a couple. I mean sometimes it helps, the only way it is going to work those if both of you want to go to counseling. If one person is dragging another one, it is never going to work, okay because they are going to stop going as soon as it gets difficult.
Dan: How can I just say, there is such a part of this whole jet mailed crap everybody is very concerned about oh my God, counseling, you go to counseling, what is wrong with you, I am not going to counseling there is nothing wrong with me. Look if you have set this not working well on your relationship, there is so many people you want to get a third party involved.
Jennifer: Look at it as a mediator okay, do not think of it as a psychological counseling. Look at it as an objective third party.
Dan: Because you do go to any form of counseling anyway. The guy he hangs out with Bob on Friday nights or Joe, he tells, them—“Man she man she done me wrong.” Yes you did, that is completely, utterly waste of conversation that is going to be, that is going to have negative results. And she goes to talk to her girlfriend and presents her side of it, but guess what, you get in front of a third party, that is actually does that for a living and goes listen to yourself and try—
Jennifer: It really take a special kind of person to truly listen
Dan: Yes, I talk, right?
Jennifer: We talk.
Dan: But seriously, there is no stigma about it and if you think somebody has those, screw them, forget them. This is for your relationship, talk to the third party and none of this individual counseling. You try counseling and stand for your relationship.
Jennifer: But, but, if your partner refuses to go to couples counseling, I do suggest individual counseling because you need to work through the issues, like this guy, he is staying for the kids, I am not a fan of staying married for the kids.
Dan: Staying married in a dysfunctional relationship, you wanted to grow up seeing how horrible a marriage or relationship is. A lot of us, in our age today, we look around and we grew up thinking what a sucky thing it is to marry, oh that is horrible, that is when two people hate each other, yelling, screaming all the time, right?
Jennifer: Yes, I had a lot of bad news to deal with, but we got it. Okay so, who are we Dan and Jennifer from AskDanandJennifer.com, we are here everyday weekdays, 11 a.m. Pacific, talking bout dating, love and sex, we are answering your questions, these are real questions from real people.
Dan: Just like you, any question that you have, put them in the forums, we will get to them, our panel of experts will get to them and hey, I am going to get—
Jennifer: No, no I was just, I want to do the do I tell and that is my favorite one.
Dan: Do some questions, I like that. Do I tell?
Jennifer: And you are very chatty today.
Dan: Oh I love this one, this is about a petting zoo.
Jennifer: I am going to read it this one this is a good one. Well I just found it amusing actually because it is, never mind, anyway okay.
Dan: Gatorade, tell him it’s Gatorade.
Jennifer: Gatorade, not, they are blue, raspberry martini. As my name suggest, I am married but single my husband and I have not been intimate in two years and have lived separately for one year so she is married but separated having had sex in two years. We have a kind of do not ask do not tell agreement. I am fine with it, here is my problem, I love sex and I have been in a runt lately and have not dated which means no sex, okay.
Dan: So do you say this is a hot girls that says she loves sex, is not that a problem?
Jennifer: It is making me crazy, well I have not gone to that yet but she sounds hot, I am an attractive, college educated, 32 years old, blonde, blue eyed, tall and athletic.
Dan: In her sexual prime!
Jennifer: She is so hot.
Dan: Yes, where is she?
Jennifer: Anyway, I just do not know whether to disclose that I am married when I meet other people? And also I would like to go to swingers parties that I would be alone. Would I even be allowed in since I am technically married?
Dan: In a swinger club? Oh my God.
Jennifer: Everybody in a swinger club is married. Okay this girl is a perfect scenario for the single girl in a swinger club or a party or whatever.
Dan: If you guys have not been able to come to the swingers it basically and most if I have heard something about it. The short version we are talking about couples having sex and you know a married couple they had sex with opposite partners usually of another couple. You know they get together and they had sex, it is okay it is not like a; it is easily not a group orgy sort of thing okay. And often times it is a threesome fantasy, you know a couple that is together or married couple, you know they will always look in to another girl to join them you know like the ultimate male fantasy that most cases. So most couples oh yes we gave them the second one so we are going to eat that up. But most couples are looking initially for a single girl until they figure out that wait the girl is typically lesbian—invite couple.
Jennifer: She is like wait a minute why do you get to have sex with another girl but I do not get to have sex with another guy; that is weird?
Dan: And after that fight is resolved, and it will take you two or three days it could be loud and guy gets over his jealousy or to decide not to do it, he also realize that the girl is much more likely do it if she is not concern about the other wicked other woman taken her man away.
Jennifer: Okay so this is the swinger show, this is a perfect candidate right, she is what did the guy from the swinger community call a unicorn which is that attractive single girl but here is the catch okay if you are an attractive kind of; well she is not single but sort of single—
Dan: Like most swinger clubs—
Jennifer: People are afraid of drama, okay there is just a lot of drama everywhere. So if it is something you want to consider one, you got to make sure that that is really what you want to do in it somewhat she is kind of doing that anyway, she is having casual relationships and having sex and she likes it that way.
Dan: She sounds not in pretty drama specially the thing swinger clubs and folks to hangout at those places, they do not want drama, they want their life simple, they are hanging out on the weekends and playing with make tons of benefits, keeping it simple.
Jennifer: So makes it with you want to do and also make sure that you are still legally married husband is not going to cause trouble, right?
Dan: Nobody wants to hear that!
Jennifer: Right and should you tell if you are married or not? Well I am a big proponent of honesty but if it is kind of a one-night stand casual sex situation, I do not think you need to put all that baggage on the table.
Dan: I mean it is not like you come or you meet somebody in the club and you come with your fact shit, off all the hundred things that should know before having sex with you, it does not really work that way.
Jennifer: Yes so I would here is the deal if somebody asks be honest especially if you are like in your club or a community because those guys are all very open, honest and communicative. But be honest okay do not lie about it but I do not know if I will do call disclosure on the first date either, yes? So in here was my other question for her why are you still married?
Dan: Yes we are still keeping this at the back of the closet in case we need it later.
Jennifer: This is like a weird limbo state so if you guys are just too lazy to get off you know get a divorce like Dan said, just do it get over it move on with your life. If there is other complications well then you have to address those.
Dan: Yes interesting discussion of forums there and you just have them and yes let us make and can affect the other questions but does not really matters with a contest—
Jennifer: It will, why won’t it matter?
Dan: Yes exactly.
Jennifer: Well you were right we do not we tried very hard not to talk about our sex lives and here is the reason we will be honest with you about why we do not talk about it—
Dan: It really does not matter you know—
Jennifer: We have nothing to hide but here is the deal, as soon as we say we are on this side or we are on this side then what we have to say becomes jaded and we try to stay very neutral, non judgmental, we try to accept people on either side just like the abortion comment earlier. I am not going to say I am for or against it because that is really irrelevant. The only thing where we will take a stand is that we are all about love, acceptance, forgiveness, okay and communication.
Dan: And adapting puppies, puppies are wonderful.
Jennifer: And we love all dogs but that is different deal.
Dan: Adapt one from a shelter if you can because the whole puppy now business is not cool.
Jennifer: Okay so we got time for one more question and I want to do the threesome one because it was a good one.
Dan: I want a threesome so can we skip this? We have threesome dilemma all right guys. What about kittens? Well some people like kittens and you know they are dog people and cat people. I think animals bring us so much amazing joy—
Jennifer: And these wonderful too so you got to put this in the box if you say you are only dog people?
Dan: No, look you know what I am sorry but I do happen to have a dog thing, yes I love kitties too but you know like we have a doggie right there and thank you, thank you, thank you, time unconditional love, absolutely.
Jennifer: Have you got all animals really okay you guys may think it is weird but if a spider gets in the house we do not squish it we help it back outside because he just got lost, okay.
Dan: Or décor of something but we are all did and we left us recently death dog puppy taught me the true meaning of unconditional love I will tell you that, thank you so much.
Jennifer: Here is some question.
Dan: Oh you answer I cannot do it.
Jennifer: Roommate wait, who has a roommate? I do not see a roommate oh I do way back in the background.
Dan: What?
Jennifer: Back there.
Dan: Oh I did not see that before excellent, sweet!
Jennifer: Would it be fun to take on your knapsack takes it off and put it outside.
Dan: And you may want to find different lodging arrangements.
Jennifer: Yes I need few. Well you know if you hang out in the woods and stuff they like the warm type spot so—
Dan: I do not.
Jennifer: Okay here is a weird threesome dilemma okay we are going to end with this one today. My ex-husband and I have been divorce for over a year and he has just started a relationship with someone else and it has been a lot from me to get use to even though I am no longer in love with him. The weird part came last night, you know I could always want to have a threesome in our marriage but never happen, well last night he ask me to have a threesome with him and his new girlfriend. I just feel that even though we are divorce we don’t want anther body and the chemistry will be stronger between us than them. I do not want to cause any problem but she is the one who suggested that I should be the third person; do you think I should do it?
Dan: You do not want to think it so cool there no seriously what I think it is so cool in here is that they do not have all the BS baggage.
Jennifer: Why is it when people break up they think they have to hate each other?
Dan: Yes what is up with that, they are so not cool. No, this is not a live show.
Jennifer: No, this is all in your imagination, okay, it is just fantasy it is not real.
Dan: So what is so cool is that these guys are actually and she does not have baggage around and that is so wonderful, forget all this sort of all.
Jennifer: She has had baggage she admitted that.
Dan: Well you know whatever but you do not hate each other that is massive progress anyway, she is considering it.
Jennifer: Yes, I think she is considering it because otherwise she would not have to ask the question.
Dan: Yes, it can make sense and the other girl asked it. I do not see if you hold on this, it looks good to me.
Jennifer: Oh you want me to come and tell them this one right.
Dan: I am done.
Jennifer: Okay I just have to, this is a tangent but I have to take exception to I am not in love with him anymore, okay.
Dan: And why would that necessary?
Jennifer: Why? Here is the deal okay and this is where we part ways with a lot of people but feeling in love with someone is a chemical high that happens for the first few years of your relationship and then that chemical wears off, okay. And so many people think that when they stop feeling that intense chemical high that they do not love the person anymore, I am sorry I am not in love with you anymore.
Dan: It is about my hair? It is all moving on my chest though it is okay I am not that you are loosing it.
Jennifer: Here is the deal, it is only for the first few years and I do not know it is two years, three years, five years, seven years whatever but at some point being in love becomes a choice that you make everyday and our good friend Paul with personal changes actually I love his definition of love. Love is unconditional acceptance of that person for who they are today.
Dan: Nothing, hey I am going to change that person. He is okay, she is okay but I am going to change all these things about her.
Jennifer: Yes, okay so here is my idea on her situation. This is an emotional disaster waiting to happen.
Dan: It sure sounds like fun though.
Jennifer: It sounds like fun but she has already said that it has been hard for her to adjust as a new girlfriend. So what happens when they are all in bed together and he is paying more attention to the new girlfriend than her? Okay and that is a weird thing about threesome, okay.
Dan: Technically these things are all going to force—
Jennifer: If somebody is only get in and left out, I do not care how fun it is and how much you enjoy it somebody is one of the three at some point in time is always on the outside.
Dan: And we have four you, you know who is going home with—
Jennifer: And if that is okay with you, that is okay and so my advise to this girl is only if she is completely, completely, completely comfortable, no jealousy, no anger, no resentment, you know whatever happens, happens and it is all good.
Dan: I think she has a good chance at it.
Jennifer: Yes she might go for it but you got to really do some self evaluation first. Okay cool. Jen and Dan I am deeply in love with my fiancé, and I have never felt this way, you have to say something. I never believed in love at first sight and this is sharing a little bit of our personal life.
Dan: But this is okay on occasion.
Jennifer: When we first met, it was the weirdest thing I knew from the very, I mean I was done for it a very moment we met, it was weird and I am not that kind of person trust me, I am like Alpha all the way, okay. Nobody manipulates me or pushes me around anything and it was just weird, I did not know what to do.
Dan: It was good?
Jennifer: It was good, we are still together and there is—okay here is jealous and oi got stuck at jealousy for a few minutes, we do not have much long, we try to keep it clean to a half hour pretty consistently but jealousy is and emotion of control; it is fear.
Dan: Fear of lost—and looking at a fear it is really a sucky way to live, because you can have everything in the world. And if you are in fear of losing it, what kind of a life is that?
Jennifer: Yes you are afraid they are going to like somebody else better someone is going to steal them away from you, you know and the choice stop acting from that for a minute and if you really love someone, remember the unconditional acceptance if you really, really, really love someone, you want him to be happy okay. Even if that means being happy without you and once you realize that then you do not have that fear of lost anymore and the jealousy goes away. Just stop with a big dog. Okay Dan is—if he starts blubbering it and if you guys do not know it and last week was all dedicated to our big dog, I had a German shepherd for 10 years—
Dan: We.
Jennifer: I had her for 10 years, you had her for five okay.
Dan: Sasha, yes.
Jennifer: She was the best dog in the world, she taught us a lot and then she left us on July 4, so going forward to July fourth is in the celebration of hers. She went out with a bang and I mean she know and always she really did go out with a bang, it was very sudden on the fourth of July so—
Dan: I love that dog.
Jennifer: Yes we are struggle right there but that is okay, okay guys we are going to sign off today and we will back here tomorrow at 11 a.m. Pacific and we hope you guys have a great day.
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