Maria: Hey! You know that you need to share with your brother and you can ask Nice alright.
Male Speaker: Okay, mom.
Maria: Okay, guys. Thanks. Have fun alright.
Male Speaker: Okay.
Female Speaker: Wow Maria! That was really impressive. I think I need some advice about discipline, because Autumn just started school, and I have seen the kids in her class, they are a little defiant.
Female Speaker: You know discipline starts at a very young age.
Female Speaker: Really.
Female Speaker: Absolutely. The younger the better.
Female Speaker: Yeah. And disciplining a toddler is to teach them authority and then protect them from harm.
Maria: And it's a positive way to show them that you love them and that your concerned about what they do.
Female Speaker: But I struggle to find the balance between being grouch and being passionate.
Maria: I know, but children tend to mimic what they see at home. And as long as you are a positive role model, she'll turn out just fine.
Female Speaker: Absolutely, which is why we have to set the standard for what we want our children to become, but ladies do not forget to include their dads, we need their support as well.
Maria: Exactly, and try not to disagree about how you discipline her in front of her, because they are smart and they will divide and conquer.
T. Berry Brazelton: Well, parents are very likely to think of discipline as punishment, and of course, I don't think of it that way at all. I think discipline is teaching, and every time you have an opportunity to teach a child how to control himself, how to manage the world for himself, you are really giving him a gift. I think right from the first, a new born baby is set up to try to draw people into him, and when he gets them, your eye says, I just did it.
Now, the wonderful thing is that when he begins to feel independence, he suddenly realizes hey, I have got them pretty much in my pocket by now. Let me try something out. And we as parents, we have to got to be there to help him know that we will stop him before he goes too far.
Allison Motel: I have three children that are two-and-a-half years old. I think that overall my approach to disciplining them is more positive instead of reactive. There are evenings though that I loose it. The three of them, they kind of pick up the negative behaviors because they see me giving attention to the child who is acting up and needs my attention. Oh, she got moms attention, so I am going to do it. And they are in constant battle for toys and for mom's attention.
For the most part, I try and stay out of it, and then if it continues to go on, I'll intervene.
T. Berry Brazelton: If you are setting limits, you watch the child, because I think children are always asking when they need them. And if we are there to respond, it's so simple. I would always be watching the child at the point where he is going too far he begins to act out and scream and they are saying this is time for you to put your foot down.
Male Speaker: You need to stop crying, you need to stop crying and stop fighting, okay.
Allison Motel: My children are not generally compliant with my rules. Certain things their desire to do it is much stronger than any reasoning that I can give them, why they shouldn't do it. So I definitely have to try many different strategies to get them to follow certain rules such as sitting down at the table to eat instead of walking around with their food, that's a big issue with us.
T. Berry Brazelton: Discipline strategies change with the child's age, a parent who is learning as the child learns they learn that the child looks back at them at a certain point for no, you can't do that, they will lie down on the floor and have a temper tantrum and your response is to wait till that's over, saying I am sorry but you just can't do that.
Allison Motel: I think the hardest thing to teach my children about behavior is that no means no. At this age, they understand that they can do something. So when I tell them no, it's like well, yeah, mom I can't do this. They don't understand that I am trying to say, no, you can't do that because you may fall down or that's dangerous. But I think because they can physically do it, they don't understand. But no means no.
T. Berry Brazelton: How do kids have temper tantrums and they all do in the second and third year. They try to do something, can't do it, and they lie down on the floor and start screaming. Now, what is the parent's role? It's to keep them safe. I think the more you get into a temper tantrum, the more you add to it. So I would say, the safest thing is just to turn you back on it, until it's over and then pick the child up and say, its awful being two years old, but you'll grow out of it.
Allison Motel: Generally I use time out, they know we'll have to go sit on the steps for about two minutes and I let them know that whatever they did was not appropriate. And when I put them in time out, I am not sure if they really understand why that they're there. I know that they see that they are being taken away from the fun. And they are not happy about that. When they come back, I can reinforce why were put in time out in the first place. I definitely think that all children need boundaries and understand that there consequences for their behavior gives them security and understanding of their environment and what's appropriate and not appropriate, makes them feel loved.
T. Berry Brazelton: What we are also worried about today is that so many kids have not learned any kind of self discipline, and then we end up with things like Colorado and these terrible tragedies that we are seeing. And I think that we just need to reinforce the fact that discipline is so precious. It's such an important thing for every child to feel. I know how to stop myself and when I get out of control, I know who I can turn to, to get back the controls I need; this is a terribly important thing for a parent to hand on to a child.
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