Hi! This is Francisco Bujan from virtualcoaching.com. We are talking about relationships, dating for men and for women. The topic for this video is: Are you about divorce? Do not go into a legal battle. I am not sure how your relationship is right now. Maybe you are in a position where in there is trouble for your relationship and that is okay, you know, it can happen.
But the thing that I want to tell today is, if you are about to divorce. If you are about to separate from your partner, from your husband or wife. Then, my advice is very simple, do not go to battle, really.
Most of the situations that I see within the coaching that I give, I coach lots of guys and meet women within break up and divorce situations. I see people stretching the divorce battle, the legal battle much more than what is needed and most of the times it is over very stupid things.
When you get into a battle, a divorce battle, most of the times what you are going to face is a lose-lose situation. There is no way. Once you started fighting with each other most of the times, you are going to end up losing lots of emotions, time and energy into the battle and it really is not needed. You do not have to go that way.
The only ones who get a lot of benefit out of that are the ones who are sponsoring this battle which are lawyers and the whole legal system. Honestly, think about it what it makes, or what it does it give you to stay in the battle zone for five years with all the emotional investment, with all the pain and suffering and $50,000.00 in legal fees. All that is crazy, it is really crazy when you think about it.
So, if you want to give yourself a gift and your partner as well and realize that by respect for what you we shared for the relationship we shared, for the love that we had, for the first marriage agreement that we had, first for that.
Let us see if we can solve that in a different way and the truth is that when you go to mediation or go to desire to not go to court over this. There is a possibility for you to win that. if you decide to stretch, it is going to break the thing ten times more painful than it needs to be.
You have to be in the position and you look at it and you think, I am allowed to let go. I can actually be in a position where I can respect still my partner, still respect that person who respect my ex and gain back my love. It is going to be tough but I do not need to attack the other person in the hope of getting something out of it more than what I should.
My advice is very simple, if you feel that behind there, there are forces which are sponsoring and pushing you to go to battle; I would say hang on, just stop there, stop for a moment and think about of what you are doing. Is it really worth it? Is it worth fight over the kitchen table, over the painting on the wall or even the house?
That is a lot of money and it might be lots of money, maybe yes but in many situations what I see is not lots of money. What I see in many situations is just a battle for principle because you do not want your partner to win. But the truth is that nobody is going to win.
When you have a divorce it is a story, a part of your life which hands and you need to focus on the future. Not trying to get maximum amount out of this battle and how to feel what is going to happen.
If you are in this transition, if you are in this position, the best is to sit down at the negotiation table. Deal with that in a diplomatic way. You do not have to take the weapons and start attacking your partner. You do not have to do that, it is not necessary.
On top of that, it betrays the original marriage agreement that you had and the love you shared. It makes a mess out of the relationship which was a good thing in the first place.
The fact that this relationship ends, naturally comes to an end does not mean that you did fail. It does not mean that it was a mistake. It was a relationship that lasted for the time being and now it is time to look at the future. To look at something what is coming next but if you want this transition to go smoothly and do not make it hard on yourself and you it has to be.
If you go to battle, this is going to be a huge emotional investment for yourself and your partner and it is not worth it. It is never worth it. If you got to battle it is a lose-lose, it is not a win-win. The only way to win that is not to play the legal game. It is not going to that.
Look at each other, sit at the negotiation table, you see what the points where we disagree are and you sit with a mediator. You can give me a call as well if you want, I am not trained to do that specifically but I am really happy to give you tips and how to solve this, in the diplomatic and respectful way, okay. You take care for now and have a great day. Bye, bye.
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