This is Dr. Anthony Kane, for the Complete Connection Parenting Program with another parent tip for you today.
What we are going to discuss today is one word that going to allow you to control any argument you have with your child or teenager, let you command and demand respect, give you authority and keep you in complete control of any situation or argument you might have to shout.
Now when your child argues with you, or your teenager argues with you, it destroys your authority, it limits your ability to control situations and it really affects your effectiveness as a parent, and even if you win the arguments or the battles it's still an ability to be an effective parent. So what are we going to do today, show you how you can completely stay in-charge to control any argument you might have with your child. And that's why we are using one word, and the one word is the word 'and'. So here is how it works.
Let's say your child is arguing about something with you. So what you do to make a three-part statement. First you let them finish what they are saying and you can usually tell that happened is not repeating themselves to run out of ammunition then. Then what you would do is you takeover, first you do is repeat or paraphrase what they said, then use the word 'and', and then state what you want to happen.
Now the word 'and' is better than 'but', and here is why, 'but' always implies a difference of opinions in argument and it's just a way say two separate effects. There is no conflict, no argument, in reality you are not really arguing with your child because you both want the same thing. You are always best for your child. But it's just a question of opinion of what that is, what the best thing is. So here is exactly how it works.
Let say your daughter Suzie, who is a 15-year-old girl wants to go on a ski trip to Vermont this weekend with her friends. And you think she is too young. So Suzie will say to you, but Mom, everyone is going and you are not being fair to me by not letting me go, and she'll say, go on like that. But what you will say is this.
Well, Suzie, I hear that you think that I am not being fair and your friends are all going and I feel that 15-year-old is young to go away, on a surprise strip to Vermont. I still go on-and-on, say again, and just repeat paraphrase again what she said. Use the word 'and' and then state your opinion. It's that simple. And what will happen is this. There is no conflict because you are not getting involved in the conflict. There is no battle or wills because you are not allowing to happen, and as a result you stay in complete control, your point gets across and there is no position to argue. It's is a very effective technique, I have used with many parents and many parents have written to me how helpful it's been for them. So you should really try as soon as you can whenever any argue comes up with any child, any age.
This is Dr. Anthony Kane again for the Complete Connection Parenting Program. If you like to get more parenting tips like these please go to our website at ccparenting.com and sign-up for our Free Parenting e-newsletter. And we have one for children and for teens.
Have a great day!
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