Hi this is Francisco Bujan from vitalcoaching.com. And we are talking about relationships, dating for man and for women. And the topic for this video is how to stop emotional abusing your relationship. This is very serious topic, right? When we talk about abuse, it is very often, you might think about physical abuse. But the whole area or the whole space of emotional abuse is actually a very essential one. It is a very important one because there are lots of people who are trapped out there in situation of emotional abuse and they simple do not know how to get out of that.
So, what I want to tell you is before you even enter into a relationship, before you have been going to wanting to come in to assign somebody, you need to have a very clear settle of values and how you are going to stand in this relationship. The first key word that you have to remember at all time is respect. I mean it is very simple, respect of the other person’s freedom. It such a simple word, but when you start applying it and when you start realizing that, this is really the key idea that you have to apply in a relationship that need to make everything much easier. And respect what does it mean? It means that when you are in a relationship, it does not give you the right to control the other person’s life, feelings, emotions, actions, time and frame and all that.
When you are entering to a relationship, it gives the right to control your own life. And yes, there is a slight transfer power, transfer of energy, but it is not to taking over it. It is not like you are going to dominate your partner’s life and you are not going to let your partner dominate your life either. It is very important to remember and realize that you stay to master of your own existence. You are not giving up your life and your control and your right to decide for yourself.
So this is one of the key ideas to remember when you are entering to a relationship, it is important to respect the other persons freedom. If you tend to be amidic person or demanding or be controlling with jealous, again it is the same story, but the other way around. Do not let your emotions and instinct take over and try to control the other person’s life. I mean when you are in love right, you are in love with somebody, what is that your love the most. It is the life force that enjoys their pleasure to be alive, and their beauty.
What happens when you start controlling and being demanding and kind of claiming the other person’s life, you are killing precisely what you care for the most. That is what you are doing. It is very simple. When you are attacking the other person, you are actually destroying what you are for the most. That is the very reason why you got into a relationship in the first place. Why want to get married with the person. You praised on them because of their beauty, their freedom, their happiness in life. And when you decide to clear that person’s life. When you decide to take control of that person’s life, what you are doing is limiting their own life force. Limiting their freedom, limiting their joy to be alive and pleasure to be alive.
So stop, stop. There is not the way to go. You want a person to be with you because they decide to be with you. Not because you are controlling them, not because you are limiting them into locking them in within the relationship before your relationship with you, that is not the way it is going to work. Of course not. If you think about it, of course it makes sense.
But now, it sometimes does not happen in your relationship or in the relationship that you see around. Sometimes it does not happen because there instinct taking over. These instincts are fear. It is a fear of loosing the partners. It is a fear of not really having a sense of control that was going on to your relationship but the key quality that you have to put in place is respect and then trust. Of course, you need to trust your partner. Of course, you need to look at them and say, I might not be totally in charge of what is going on in your life. I may not have control over that, but I trust that you will make the right choices.
What is in to make the right choices? It means that if you commit yourself to us in a relationship, I choice that you will be grown up enough. You will be mature enough to make the right choices that are not going to hurt you or hurt our relationship. But for that I need to trust you. I need to look at you as adult, as a full grow human being who has the power and the responsibility to make his or her own choices. It make sense right? I mean if you are right in your relationship and this is not happening or this is not in a right balance, you can either claim back your territory. You can claim back your freedom and putting down the risk throughout your partner respect your freedom. Or if you are the one who is abusing a little bit the other person’s freedom, well look at it and say, “I was going to the wrong way here”. I want to reinforce my respect for you and give you back the freedom that I have been taking away from you.
Okay, I mean that makes sense, right. You take care and have a great day, bye-bye.
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