First date conversation starters - What to avoid

Hi! This is Francisco Bujan from vitalcoaching.com. We are talking about dating successful women and the topic for this video is, conversation starters for first dates and what to avoid. Actually, these tips work as well for guys. If you are a guy listening to that, you can reverse exactly the same and you can apply these to your needs as well. So, what I want to say first it is that, when you go to a first date. What people expect is very simple. You want to have fun, you have to have lightness, and you want to have flirt playfulness. You want you simply focus on having a good time, quality time. Right now, at the first date, it is not a job interview right? It is not a commitment interview for a long term relationship. Many women or guys go to a first date thinking okay, here is where we have to decide if we are a good match or not. Actually, not at all, the first connection is really to establish complexity, to have a good time, to have fun, to tease the other person, being in this kind of playful zone where you are really getting to know each other and if this works. Eventually, you take that to the next step and have a few dates and eventually start building a relationship. But you are not going to secure a long term relationship in the first date. That is not the goal that is not really how it is going to work. If you come to a first date with this kind of demanding attitude on getting the facts clear about who this person is, what you expect and all that. You know you are rationalize the date and make it and give it a very good atmosphere. So, remember that the first date is not a job interview. It is not a moment to actually ask the person all the questions about their lives and find out all the facts. You are not looking for facts right now, you are looking for a feeling, an emotion, a connection, to build that, you can do that consciously together simply by focusing on having a great time together. Another element which is important is of course be interested by the other person. Do not reveal everything about yourself and do not listen without listening to the other person. Of course, it is very important that you ask questions, ask, be interested, tease them on the things that they talk about but show that you are interested in that person and there is a kind of rule that you can apply. He is try to be listening at least 50% all the time, even more than that. If you tend to be somebody who shares the love, who wants to be validated and recognized for who you are, etcetera. Try to reverse the situation and remember this very simple thing, listen at least 50% of the time. If you talk for a couple of minutes to somebody, you can sit back and say what about you. I mean I have been telling you about my story now, what about you? How do you feel about your life in general and you know, about all that? So, the topics you can focus on are thing which are light, gossips, sometimes celebrities or what goes on in the night life or the things that you really enjoy in your life and you want to find out also what the other person likes about their life. All that is going to create the sense of complexity where you develop a good connection. So, the topics to avoid are quite simple actually, do not talk about politics, problems at work and especially do not talk about your ex’s. This is one of the topics, big taboos and one of the areas where people really lose interest when you start talking too much about your ex. I can see that right now and my face is getting whiter and whiter, something is happening. Anyway, that is the general idea. If you talk about politics, it is going to become obviously a very serious conversation and you do not really want that to happen either. Another topic, sometimes when you go into the religious talk, talking about religion that is also something which can create specific conflicts, avoid it as well. Let me just check if I can do something here about that one because it is getting whiter and lighter in my face. Here we go. I will finish the video like that. The other thing that I mentioned already earlier is do not have sex on the first date; I already mentioned that in another video so check this one out to find out the reasons and the whole dynamics and the other elements. You can have 4:30 machine with somebody that is nice, that is something which works but do not go of course to the way to intercourse. The key word really to remember is, be flirty, be fun, be sexy, express all these qualities and you will be amazed that the date can be actually a lot of fun even if the person you are with you think is not going to work on a longer term, you can still have a next 4:51 time. I hope this makes sense. You take care and have a great day. Bye.