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Jennifer: Hi we are back again with our good friend Paul Carlson who is a life coach here in Dallas, Texas and over the next few videos we are actually going to try to enter some of your toughest questions in a way that it is non judgmental. And you know it is just kind of our normal not how I do want to say it in all the way that we can do it?
Dan: Yes that works.
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Jennifer: Okay this is another friend zone question you know we are always talking about how do you get out of the friend zone you know your best friends with a girl but you want to be more. How do you get out of the friend zone so this is a question from Louise in Paris France I believe right that I said Louise, Louise?—Louise anyway [laughter].
Dan: There was a value into temp thinking that –
Jennifer: I am sorry. He says hi, I dated my best friend and broke up with him one week after. Oh this is a girl this is the opposite of what I was expecting. I felt so awkward. The problem is that he still loves me and I cannot talk about guys and joke around all that stuff like I did before. Will we ever talk before we dated? So the questions we want to ask you Paul, you are really good at this tough ones, I mean can I be friends again, can I recover from this little you know died out of the friends going to come back again?
Dan: Pretend you did not have the affair?
Paul: It is a definite maybe and that is final. [Laughter] the bottom line here is it depends on the level of maturity of the people involved. Someone that is more mature and I do not mean about age I mean about emotional maturity could pull this of sure you could pull off anything that you can imagine as long as you have the maturity to be able to see beyond some of the obvious things. Ego gets in there, ego is of course always fear base. Fear I would not have fear of I will have or whatever [laughter] And so if you can get pass that ego stuff there is a lot of talk about ego today. There is a lot to talk about ego today. There is a very popular book of a new earth by Edward Coley that really gets into the ego question and I would recommend that to anybody who is interested and understanding how their own mind works. If you understand it you can learn to use it to your advantage okay? And if you can get that ego out of the way to all that fears stuff laughter] well yes but the thing is you know if you could learn to get beyond that yes anything is possible. But if there, if the two in a couple are immature probably not going to work.
Dan: So how can this situation be avoided? How can they avoid this awkward silence where they cannot really be friends, they are not really lovers anymore. They cannot really be friends what can you do? Where do they go from here?
Paul: Grow up life is messy, sometimes it is juicy and a lot of times it is messy okay? You just have to recognize it. Look most people in their lifetimes go through all different kinds of relationships before they find the right one. I mean some of us are lucky we get it right out of our high school or in high school or whatever. But most people they go through a series of relationships and so they are not all going to work out and they are not all going to be permanent you know friends for the rest of your life. Understand I mean if you move beyond high school and you maybe even move beyond college and you have been out there you will recognize that the people that were your friends in grade school probably were not your friends in high school some were, some were not. Because some move on, some go to different places.
Dan: You even have it where the you know a bunch of guys hang out a bunch of girls hang out and they are all friends. Some get married and some of them do not and all of the sudden the married ones hang out and the single ones are excluded. Come on it is [Muffled].
[Cross Talk]
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