Is it possible to be happy about the outcome of a divorce? Hello, I’m Lee Rosen for the Rosen Law Firm. Thanks for watching. I get asked that question very often and I think the answer is that yes, it is possible to come out of a divorce happy with the outcome. Unfortunately, that’s not what most people do. Most people finish their case upset and bitter. Most people usually feel that their former spouse took advantage of them and that their former spouse should be very pleased with the outcome, and that they shouldn’t.
Unfortunately, usually, both husband and wife see things this way. They’re both unhappy. Usually, equally unhappy and they often believe that they were the loser and that their spouse was the winner. Divorce lawyer sometimes joke that they know a case turned out fair and square when both sides are equally unhappy. If that’s the standard, then most cases come out pretty much fair. But what about you? Is there anything you can do to feel better about the way your case turns out? Here are my five ideas for you. Try these and I guarantee you, you’re going to feel better about the resolution of your divorce.
First, be realistic. Don’t go into this process with unrealistic expectations. This is tough. Nobody has any fun getting a divorce. Things won’t go exactly the way you want. Don’t expect to feel totally satisfied with the outcome. There are many variables that impact the outcome of these cases. You have to plan on some of these variables going against you. Maybe the market goes in the wrong direction or the judge doesn’t like your argument. Things will go wrong. It’s inevitable. If you have realistic expectations, you’re going to feel much better about the way things turn out.
Second, focus on what’s next in your life. Don’t get bagged down in the past. Don’t relive every argument. It’s time to move forward even as you deal with the details of settling the marital dispute. It’s important for you to keep your crystal ball on the table and focus on the future. By clarifying your future plans, you’re going to make better decisions now. These decisions help you move more quickly to achieve the future you’re working to work.
Third, don’t get destructed by the friends and family that want to help you wallow in your misery. You can make a choice to move on and be happy with your new life. Sometimes it’s tough to see the happiness as a choice. We often see our present circumstances and decide that the only reasonable response is to be miserable. But we all know stories of people far less fortunate than ourselves who figure out a way to be remarkably happy. We have a choice to make regardless of our present circumstances. You get to decide whether you’re going to be miserable or happy. Decide to be happy.
Fourth, find things to do in your life. Again, don’t sit around waiting to be happy. Find things to do right now, places to go, ways to give back, get involved. Maybe it’s time to plan a trip, maybe it’s time to get back to exercise or maybe it’s time to volunteer for a group, make a change, get engaged. Do things that make you happy.
Finally, fifth, be willing to forgive the behavior of others. Way too often, I find myself angry with someone else stewing over it for weeks only to discover that the other person doesn’t even know that I’m upset with them. They don’t even realize that they did something to aggravate me. It’s crazy but as long as I’m upset with them, it’s like they own a part of me and it caused them nothing since they don’t even know I’m upset.
The only solution for me to get over it is for me to forgive them and to move on. The second I make that decision, the decision to forgive, I’m free of them and I can move forward. They lose that little bit of control that they had over me. Forgive. Do it now, not for them, do it for you. It works.
I hope I’ve given you some ideas about how you can be happier through this process. There’s no doubt about it, this is tough and I know you’re going to get through it. I’ve helped people cope, recover and move forward with divorce for more that 20 years, hundreds of people. They all did it and so will you. Good luck!
For more information about divorce, visit our website at rosen.com. I’m Lee Rosen for the Rosen Law Firm.
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