Hi! This is Francisco Bujan from VitalCoaching. We are talking about dating success for women and the topic for this video is he wanted to have sex and it was way too fast for me. This is a video response to one of the question that was posted from my channel and this was coming from a woman.
Who was in the situation of where her new boyfriend wanted to have sex and she was simply not ready to engage in to at any form or intimate with him. So, she decided to break up with him already and this is sure. Now, what I want to tell you is well done, honestly. When you are out there in the dating road, as a woman, one of the key challenges that you are going to face, actually, there are two of them which you know, really one of the things that you have to learn to navigate. One of them is rejection, right. How you deal when you get rejected by a guy and the other one is how do you deal with a guy putting you under pressure? You know, you respecting your boundaries, respecting your limits, and getting him to respect you. So, these are two very key challenges and this second one that I mentioned dating boundaries is one of the key ideas you have to put in your mind and realize that it is your right, it is not only your right, it is your duty to protect yourself.
And, if there is something that a guy wants you to do and you are not ready for that, by all means do not go that way, of course protect yourself, of course respect yourself, and respect your body. And realize that you are always in charge of your life. Even when you are dating this does not mean that you give away your power and let the guy come in and starts you know, dominating you and controlling your actions or desires and you know and all that, no way. You have to realize that when you are dating sometimes you would have to fight with the guys, will power and their to express your own power. Now, if the guy cannot take that, if the guy starts kind of abusing you, I am putting you under pressure because of that, then that is not a very good sign. It means that it is a man who is not able to respect your own needs and your own limits and your own desires.
So, most of the time these can be seemingly abusing, it becomes a kind of emotional abusive situation, when you feel under pressure, you feel threatened and that is not a very good place to be in. So, you have to be very careful with who you are dating and how you date, right. But, one of the other things that you can realize, it is okay to say no to somebody. When you are not ready, you simply can put a limit, a boundary and not go ahead whit whatever the guy might feel or desire at that moment.
So, if a guy breaks up over an issue like that or if he decided to take distance because of that, that is not a problem, okay. It simply means that you are not a very good match and comment that there might be somebody else out there. I mean there will probably because somebody else is out there with a better match.
So, one of the things that you have to learn when you are out there dating and especially if you are young and really inexperienced with dating and dealing with relationships , tt is learned to express your needs. Learn to express your desires; learn to say no, not now, maybe later. You know this kind of things and get people man out there to respect your limits and respect your boundaries. Respect comes because you respect yourself first and also you educate people around you on how to respect you. This educating people on how to respect you are one of the key skills that you want to learn as soon as possible. Even if you are very young it is very good to tell a guy, to say to a guy, look, we have all the time ahead of us. Yes, we can kiss. Yes, we can share life intimacy but I am not going to have sex with you yet, okay. We have to learn to get to know each other, there are a lot of things I want to know about you before I take that step. So, you can say these things, right. You can tell him educate him and teach him how to treat you right. Many guys out there and especially they are relatively young and do not have clue on how to respect a woman. So, they will believe because they have seen that you know in movies or you know they believe that it is a good thing to be matched and kind of be dominant, demanding or controlling with a woman. Honestly, I do not think that works, okay. Guys need to express, respect towards woman, respect the boundaries and limits. So, it is your role or the task to teach them that, they do not know how to do that. And sometimes yes, you are going to enter into some form of tension topic but do not be afraid of that because you are the one who wins out of that, you want guys to respect you, remember that. Take care and goodbye.
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