If I don’t like my in-laws do I have to build a relationship with them?
I think that’s really key and I am glad you asked it. When you get shoulds, packed into a situation, I think all of us feel resisted. One of the principles for example in conflict resolution is that if you want to get somebody to do something that you like them to do. If you make a request rather than a demand you have much better chance what you want to happen.
Because all of us if somebody insist on something there’s this feeling of pushing back. Here as if you say this is what I would like and it’s a genuine request with no nasty payback. If you don’t do it, that’s what opens people’s mind up to maybe I’ll do this. Well I think the same thing is true in these in-law relationships that to the extent we feel like I have to spend the whole weekend with these people that I don’t like.
And it is shuts down our creativity and our interest. So I think it’s a good starting point is to recognize that you do get a choice. And there are loads of ways of avoiding having to interact with people. And sometimes I will say the people I work with.
Look if you have to do it to get away from someone you don’t want to be with. We’ll just go in the bathroom, lock the door and climb out the window. You always have an option and if people realize that they can get out of the situation.
Then it’s much easier for them to make a choice, you know what I think I like to stay and see what can happen. See kinds of good results might happen.
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