If I don’t like my in-laws, do I have to build a relationship with them?
I think that’s really key and I’m glad that you asked it. When you get yourself packed into a situation I think all of us feel resistant. One of the principles for example in a conflict resolution is that if you want to get somebody to do something that you like them to do, if you make a request rather than a demand, you have a much better chance that what you want will happen because all of us if somebody insist on something there’s this feeling of pushing back. Whereas if you say, “Well, this is what I would like and it’s a genuine request with no nasty payback if you don’t do it”. That’s what opens peoples’ minds up to maybe I’ll do this.
Well, I think the same thing is true in these in-law relationships that to the extent we feel like I have to spend the whole weekend with these people that I don’t like. It just shuts down our creativity and our interest. So I think a good starting point is to recognize that you do get choice and there are lots of ways of avoiding having to interact with people.
Sometimes I will say the people I work with, “Look if you have to do it to get away from someone you don’t want to be with well just go in the bathroom, lock the door and climb out the window.” You always have an option, and if people realized that they can’t get out of the situation. Then it’s much easier for them to make the choice. You know what I think I’d like to stay and see what can happen. See what kind of good results might happen.
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