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I don’t say I’m recovered. I’m definitely in a recovery as recently as two weeks ago, I had mini relapse where I bought diet pills online.
My eating disorder began unfortunately when I was around eight years old. I’ve been very tall, looking very mature for a very long time. I was five foot ten at the age of nine. So I felt like I was different almost immediately and that’s very hard for someone. In addition I have morbidly obese mom and I was always told, you know that thin was in and that you're such a cute girl but you’d be prettier if you were thinner.
You know, I started modeling fashion show is when I was nine and ten and my mom asked me where I gone for lunch because I was on my own and I said, “Blimpie” and she patted and said, “You look like Blimpie”. And that was the first time I can remember thinking, “Oh, my god I should not have eaten that”.
Modeling was the time where Kate Moss was very popular and heroin cheek and the weight flop was really in and I was told to fight out that at five foot ten and 113 pounds all just going to be dropped and as a 15-year-old girl that was just the worst thing in the world here.
I started out anorexia because I started out walking in treadmill four to five hours to maintain my low weight when that was enough fitting more started, you know, binging and purging because we start for so long and so much. You know I started to get really sick from taking laxatives, so I typed in to Google laxatives and the first that came up with something Fishy.org which was you know not a pro-eating disorder site but a pro-recovery site. Well, then I was curious. So then I have to find the pro-anorexia websites. A pro-anorexia website is very addicting both the community itself and the image that it promotes. If I were to tell a person I haven’t eaten in three weeks starts looking like I’m nuts. I tell a person, one of my pro-anorexia friends, I haven’t eaten in three weeks, they say, “Oh, congratulations”.
I was in my nursing for two days and it was just a very scary experience. I put on about literally ten pounds and those two days because it would be IV fluids. I went into intensive treatment program for people with eating disorders. I didn’t want to be in such an intensive eating disorder program. I’ve fought it to the nail. I didn’t want to be there, I thought I was fat and the thing there was just going to make me fatter and I silly broke down and realize that this isn’t the way to do things. This is fast track in dying.
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