How Do I Introduce BDSM To My Boyfriend?

Ask Dan & Jennifer Sex, Love and Dating Advice From the Most Popular Couple Online What’s Your Question? Jennifer: Hi guys! This is a question from our forums, if you have any questions for us, please go to our forums at AskDan&Jennifer.com, click on the forums link at the top right then it'll take you there. Dan: Or may be in our profile or watch us in YouTube. Jennifer: Oh! Yes in our profile, yes, if you’re watching on YouTube, just go to our profile. I think it’s like the 1 or Top 2, 1 or top. Dan: Yes, it’s a great community. Jennifer: Top 1 or 2 links, there we go. Dan: And if you want to help people, go to forums anyway, a lot of people to help to. Jennifer: Positive helpful people okay, no haters in there. Dan: Got to be positive, anybody not positive gets booted. Okay. Jennifer: Okay, are you ready? Dan: I’m ready. Oh! I'm ready for this. Jennifer: How do I introduce BDSM to my fiancé? Dan: This is from a girl, bad girl. Jennifer: “Dear Dan and Jennifer, I’m very comfortable in my sexuality and then a little on the BDSM side, I’ve been this way for years. My fiancé and I have already done certain things, BDSM related like choking and minor suffocation and kind of playing with the dumb—severals.” “But I want to try a more defined sexual experience with props, clothing, characters” or some pretty hardcore role play, it sounds like to me. Dan: I’ve seen webs, chains, handcuffs. Jennifer: Lots of leather. Dan: Remember, leather products are non-refundable. Jennifer: “I don’t think he knows exactly how dark my sexual appetite is though.” Dan: What a bad, bad girl. Jennifer: “I don’t want to scare him or make him think he’s not satisfying me. On the contrary I want to add a little more taste to the already great sex life we have.” “Any suggestion out there, to how to bring it up and make him feel adequate no matter his choice?” How can I ease my husband into BDSM? Dan: I’m just a big fan of slow progression with this type of things. Jennifer: Oh! Can I say one thing before you go, because I want to hear this but— Dan: You can say anything dear. Jennifer: One thing I would do want to say, fiancé, better to find this out now than later. Before you get—you know, find out before you get married if you’re really compatible. Dan: And just a cautionary note, not to be wet blanket but we’re talking about—well, if we’re talking about suffocations, stuff like this, look, when—with BDSM play, you got to be very, very careful. Even from very basic rough sex, whatever, you got to be very, very careful and just remember it’s mostly not the—it’s largely not the physical stuff but the mental control aspect that really gets people excited. Jennifer: Some people. Dan: Some people and some people like the pain, anyway. Just be very cautious. Jennifer: This is why I don’t let him hold the answers because he rumbles on about this and he never looks at the answer card. Dan: My point is just be cautious, you could hurt someone with that. So just be very, very cautious especially the suffocation. Jennifer: So would you like to get back on topic where you're talking about S with all fetishes and fantasies and role plays and stuff like these and when you’re introducing new things into your sex life. Dan: Nice and steady and slow. Jennifer: How should they do it? Should they sneak around and surprise them and say, “Surprise!” Or— Dan: Well you know sneak around for a full frontal you know, you easily ease into something a little more to, “Hey! I didn’t know you can print smileys on these? This is pretty cool.” But, that’s the next question, sorry. Yes, just slowly. You just raise the stakes slowly over time. You just introduce new things slowly. Just a little bit at a time, you know. She’s talking about you doing this to doing that, you know may be introduce a blindfold one night. Jennifer: Have you take it to the—no, no, no, no, they already do stuff. Dan: Oh! Whatever. Jennifer: How do they take it to the next level? Dan: Slowly. Jennifer: Our question is, how do you take it to the next level? Slowly is not an answer. Dan: But in our fantasy box, something might work. Jennifer: Yes, fantasy box is a good idea. Dan: I mean they’re already in this direction. I don’t think it’s hard to increase it. Jennifer: Yes, I mean it sounds like you guys are already doing some of these stuffs so— Dan: I guess what I’m not saying why a little slow escalation would work. Jennifer: In this case, normally I would say don’t come out in full BDSM gear but sounds like you guys are already playing with it so you know may be try a partial costume, a mask or something. Dan: Did you see how he response? Jennifer: Or just bringing a prop you know, a web or some handcuffs or— Dan: Or visiting dominatrix you know. Jennifer: That’s a little too hardcore at some point. Yes, that might be a fun thing but— Dan: Every couple should have one. Jennifer: But it sounds like you guys already have a good relationship so you know may be just take it to the next level. I don’t think you have anything to be afraid of, I mean she’s afraid he’s going think less of her but I don’t think so. Dan: I mean, we had this question the other day on our live show. Yesterday, we’re talking about this guys who’s trying to figure out how to tell his girlfriend that he really gets so excited about cross-dressing and that’s completely a cold approach. This, this is just a slight— Jennifer: He’s already warm. Dan: Exactly, he’s already warm and you just want to escalate it just a bit. You know, slow, steady escalation. Jennifer: May be get some more you know BDSM type porn, right that takes it to the level where you're wanting to go and watch that with him and gauge his reaction from there. You could do that. Or maybe get some novels. We got some really good novels that went too far for him and I'm like, “Oh, that sounds fun.” Dan: Stuffs have messed up. Jennifer: I’m far out, that’s hot. But you know that’s how you can feel your temperature, each other’s temperature right. Dan: I bought those too. Jennifer: What the? Dan: You know, “This is too much” and they like, “Oh, this is hot.” Jennifer: Yes, so anyway, you guys are already there. Just move another step forward right. Don’t forget subscribe to our Channel. And rate our show, give us 5 stars!