How Do You Deal With Your Partner's Annoying ...

[Music Playing] Dan: Okay, the question is that everyone buying, except mine and you are about to see why? Is how do you deal with your partners annoying habits? For me this is not applied because my partner has no annoying habits, am I right? Okay. All right, so one of our YouTube viewers says. Dear Dan and Jennifer, Hi! I have been going out with a girl now for about two months. That is good two months it lasts for two months and she has picked up a bit--a bad habit sorry--smoking. She has picked up with a bad habit, smoking. I love her a lot and she loves me too, but I do not like her when she smokes. It is funny we just had a video, where this guy was really turned on by watching some smoking. But, anyway this guy does not like to smoke. He says I do not what to think or what to think or what I can do about it. I do not want to control her or anything and I ask her to stop but she said if I love her it should not matter. That if you love me it should not matter the defense so, is it true or it is not true? If I love her it should not matter, is it or it is not true? [Music Playing] Jennifer: Yes and no, right I mean it depends on why you do not want her to smoke. You know is it a control thing or you are genuinely concerned about her health you know what are the reasons behind that but-- Dan: Do you smoke? Did you clothes smell funny? And does that what bugs you? Does your car smell funny in this will bugs you. Jennifer: Yes but regardless of the reasons why you do not like her smoking, you can have two choices you can accept the fact that she smokes or you change it and by changing I mean changing the situation from your perspective. You can stop dating her okay at the far extreme case of that. But the fact is you cannot make her change if she does not want to change. That is selfish to be honest with you I mean she is going to have to change if she wants to. Dan: Yes, this is true. There is so many problems that couples have. One person is trying, it does not like something about the other one and he wants to change the behavior and this is a sort of it and elusive myth if you will. The idea that you can change the other person-- Jennifer: Will you entrust me, okay you guys have been dating for two months. This is just the first of many things that are going to annoy you okay. So do not think you change everything for her. Dan: So just accept that you cannot change the other person. People change all the time, the moment they are ready to change. And when you start dating you someone it is the whole, you get the whole package, the whole thing you know-- Jennifer: The good, the bad and the ugly [Laughs] Dan: Smoking, drinking, drugs whatever that you kind a get the package the way she dresses you know. Jennifer: Okay it could be anything. So, is this really that important? Then, you just have to stop dating her. I mean you have to ask yourself that, because really the only option that you have with her is to tell her that you do not like it. And you know from that point it is in her hands what she does with that information you know she will stop or she will not but you are nagging her and complaining about it and trying to control her and force her to stop. I mean it is not just going to work, if it does work it is going to be short term because in the long run she is going to resent you and she is going to be like “well, look what I did for you, you know you better do this for me because look what I did for you”. Dan: Oh that is the worst. Jennifer: So, if she will not stop smoking or hanging out with her friends or whatever it is going to be have to be her choice. Dan: Yes especially let her know how you feel, what is that you really feel about it, not just that you only wanted her to stop. Jennifer: Yes. [Music-Playing]