Audra Lowe: There are plenty of factors that go into finding your perfect someone, but sometimes the real work needed is to just work on yourself. Our relationship pros found out how happiness can help you find true love. It is in todays “Ask Matt and Tamsen”.
Matt Titus: Thanks Audra. She’s the next generation guru; from motivational speaker to life coach to author, Gabrielle Bernstein is helping people discover true happiness with her best selling book “Add More –ing to Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness.”
Tamsen Fadal: And of course loving yourself and finding happiness, this is the first step to falling in love and nobody knows that better than Gabriel. So thanks so much for joining us today.
Gabrielle Bernstein: Thanks guys.
Tamsen Fadal: Let’s talk about – first of all, what is “-ing” and you have to add it to your relationship?
Gabrielle Bernstein: Yeah. So “-ing” is inner guidance and its intuition and inspiration. And if we don’t have inspiration in our relationships we've got to look at that one.
Tamsen Fadal: Alright, so where do you start with “-ing”? You say you have a couple of tips and the first one is re-thinking, what does that mean?
Gabrielle Bernstein: So a lot of times we enter relationships with these limiting beliefs like I'm not good enough or he’s going to cheat or those fearful stuff from the past. And most of the time, its past fears from old relationships that we bring in to the present relationship. So really looking at those old beliefs and beginning to choose to perceive them differently. And it’s a mental choice. It’s a decision to say I'm going to take my past into the present.
Tamsen Fadal: So your second tip, move “-ing” together, what does that mean?
Gabrielle Bernstein: We need to move together. We need to get out and do fun activities. My first date with my boyfriend we went rock climbing. And what it did was it really created this excitement between the two of us and so it gave him this mental memory of excitement. So when he thought of me he thought of this exciting experience.
Matt Titus: Well what happens if you date like a girly girl like this?
Tamsen Fadal: I move. I move into the stores.
Matt Titus: That won’t go rock climbing.
Gabrielle Bernstein: Take her ice skating or take her –
Tamsen Fadal: Take her shopping!
Gabrielle Bernstein: Shopping and walking, yes, yes.
Matt Titus: Alright there you go.
Gabrielle Bernstein: Get her moving.
Tamsen Fadal: I'm loving your advice.
Matt Titus: So, you have another tip. Tip three, medadating. Is that like meditating?
Gabrielle Bernstein: Yes, it’s like meditating but for a date; so really preparing yourself mentally and emotionally before you go on that date. So I always prescribe a visualization meditation or medatation where prior to the date, you see yourself and you envision yourself having a really good time and get yourself into a centered place and you just really envision what this date could be like and seeing yourself happy.
Tamsen Fadal: I think it makes sense.
Matt Titus: Do people going to really do that? They have to get ready and look good, are they going to sit there and meditate with incense?
Gabrielle Bernstein: Absolutely.
Tamsen Fadal: And make up.
Gabrielle Bernstein: Set yourself up to win because you're really – but especially if its like new relationship and you're uncomfortable, you're really nervous and you’ve got this jittery thing going on so you really want to get yourself into a calm centered place so you can be authentic on the date.
Tamsen Fadal: I think it makes sense. I need to do it through most of my life. Alright Gabrielle, thanks so much for joining us. Checkout Gabrielle’s advice on her website addmoreing,com.
Matt Titus: We’ll see you next time. But remember, until then make love happen.
Audra Lowe: Thank you so much Matt and Tamsen, and remember if you’ve got a relationship question just email Matt and Tamsen at AskMandT@BetterTV.com.
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