sKevin Day: Obviously the one thing that all we amazed in part before, I know, the kids come and we say, well sex lief is gone, it's out of the window, forget about it, which is interesting, because I was really lucky during pregnancy, some kind of woman kicked in for early, not only did the breast fairy visit, so she was looking fantastic. But she -- her appetite for sex was increased while she was pregnant, so during pregnancy, our sex life was really healthy and happy and I was thinking, well, this is almost fantastic, we probably have a couple of weeks off, and then we are again as normal.
But it was -- after the baby was born, it was me that didn't want to have sex, which is -- I think for two reasons. It was very odd feeling, because we have this stern mid-wife, who made me stay out of the action all the way through, I think she didn't really like men, so I was forced to stay down there. Because I wanted to do what my dad said, just try and help her out in a way that go to the room as often as possible just not the occasional. But I had a really easy -- and she was always, go out of this room, where are you from? Oh! I am dad, and she is, hold on, wait a second.
Then we had a very easy life at the end but there is a -- left some stitches, it was alright she was having stitches. So I had -- I couldn't get that image out of my mind for quite sometime, and also I think subconsciously because there was a lot of pain, I didn't want to Abbey. So it took six months before I felt like having -- and it was time, because Abbey wasn't particularly desperate for it obviously, but it was her that raised the subject, I mean normally I imagine it's men that normally -- after a couple of months they tap the work and say, man says, isn't it the time, then she was, that we -- didn't we have sex again. So I have been finding excuses, we talked about it, we were just -- other stuff, I was talking about just the other -- and it's very --
Damion Queva: I went through a similar experience, I didn't go off again with Shirley. She also had to have a stay. She was very conscious of the fact that you know no matter what was going to happen, she was going to be with some sort of pain which is an instant mental turn off, it's not supposed to be pleasuring, and I think that's kind of the mental things. I was like, are you sure, everything okay, take your time. Then she was like, I am on my own. I think -- you know I am really wanted to, but just I don't know that she might come up. So I think that was quite difficult to do, so I can appreciate what you went through.
Kevin Day: Obviously it'd been a blow. I feel I should say for the record, everything is fine now. I have got very good circle of mates, and normally we could talk about things, quite mostly and sometimes it's difficult but I couldn't tell that, I couldn't say so. Eventually I had a discussion about three years later, long time after, and all of them said, to some sort of degree they felt after when they started having sex again, their first reaction was my baby came out there. And it was kind of suddenly the relationship with your wife's body has completely changed because you start seeing views as a mother rather than as a wife or probably a sexual partner. So I was surprised to find that all of them had some kind of not reluctance but actually the change towards sex.
Damion Queva: I don't think people realize what a big issue it is, because there is an issue before she gives birth and there is an issue after she gives birth. The issue before being obviously her body is changing, she doesn't feel she is so beautiful and as a first time father, oh my goodness, things are changing here and my goodness you have to start thinking about different positions or not as the case might be. And then afterwards I think there is a whole issue that she is also tied and it's not time anymore, there is a baby to look after and I go up, and if she has to do the breastfeed or whatever the case might be so that change is --
Chris Brooks: I think that's the big thing, the change I encountered, obviously not striking the business, and luckily we had a nice midwife, I was to the side, so I didn't see any of the stitching or anything, but that obviously plays -- and I think it's interesting the point. You said about the baby come out of the same place and the relationship between the two is really confusing, but also the tightness as well, and as you said the breastfeeding at night. It just seems like a bit of no, no, and you want somehow to approach to the subject, you don't want to say anything. And then with us, luckily three months, two months, it just naturally happened and then it's fine.
Jonathan Wills: I think the pressure thing as well, because we had again a similar kind of midwife by the side, because every time she used to come around and used to build up two weeks prior, and we -- actually we had three caesareans, and as a result of that, you know there was a talk about stitching, but there was this sort of real pain in the area and all issue. And it got to -- she wants to know if we can have had sex by the time she comes back next month, and my God I was like ticking the days. But it put me under pressure, I am about to full, I have to say.
Damion Queva: I am sure, but I don't think those are issues, because it sounds like most of us actually have the child in the room as well and I don't know if that is an issue. It's next moment of life.
Jonathan Wills: Well, I am not happy with the cats in the room.
Kevin Day: But I mean clearly, there are some couples clearly, they start to have sex straight away, I mean I don't know I have gone on -- you workout by the age, my cousin there was only probably four weeks between giving birth and conceiving, but it's interesting you talk about body image beforehand, because Abbey hated being pregnant, but one thing she likes about she went for the whole the real thing, because she thought she was very beautiful, as a pregnant woman she thought she was very beautiful so she had no problem, she still felt very attractive during pregnancy, but afterwards, immediately afterward, that's when she really felt that she stopped being an attractive woman. She felt that whole thing, I am just a mother now.
Damion Queva: Waiting for their body to get back into shape. And how many times do you say that, don't worry sweetheart, your body will eventually get back into shape.
Kevin Day: But I do that for sure, I say, no the stretch marks are lovely, they are part of you. So it is far more of a problem for her than it was for me, but she just felt that I am not a woman anymore, I am just a provider of babies. And of course with the time she didn't feel physically attractive at all. So it took me a long time to reassure her that she is still very attractive.
Chris Brooks: It's so common thing I know, as much as reassuring as you can get, but still if they are not happy, you can give them reassurance but it's until like sort of out and --
Damion Queva: Exactly that, it's only when they want to -- and whether or not it's part of an excuse or not. This time I think it's bit of an excuse, okay, well hold on a second. We never used to go for a day and certainly feed them.
Kevin Day: But also I found as well, it became -- you had to plan it. Well, when we eventually did start the exact thing -- first all the sex was very tentative initially but I think again that was more reluctant, but also they say when you are first married, you are spontaneous, every room in the house, just top of the house, but after you figure out, you do have to plan for what you will be, probably a sleep between 8 and 10 O' clock, that will be your work, you know I will cancel the gig, don't worry.
Damion Queva: Something that's one to know.
Kevin Day: It's good completely, yeah.
Jonathan Wills: Plus my holidays all of a sudden became paramount for us, because all of sudden -- we went away for a two week holiday, that was absolutely perfect because the kids would be doing something, and all of a sudden you could -- there was some degree of spontaneous, because at least you were together 24x7 kind of thing, which she hadn't been, when you are back at work straight away.
Kevin Day: It's funny, she talk about making over the babies in the bed, it's something becoming an issue for my son now. About a year ago, he started to ask whether we had sex while he is in room, because he was clearly disgusted about the thought. Because they started doing sex education at school, and he started to realize how it works. And it just -- he doesn't like seeing us kissing and making out, he is just like, this is horrible, but the idea is really generally shocks and deterred by the idea that he is talking about sex. So we havent lied him, we said no of course we do, of course, she carried him gently to another part of the house, where left me on my own.
Damion Queva: It's amazing when you have to come up with it, isn't it. Pur their favorite toy and gently go and say, just go in now, that's it.
Chris Brooks: I bring some gold CDs, golf sport, it's about 40 minutes.
Damion Queva: It's amazing we have to become, you supposed to become quite imaginative in terms of what you can do, when you can do, how you can do, at what moment, and you suddenly got this one big head that just in case coming up and say, oh my god.
Chris Brooks: That's exciting. Now it's like going back in the day.
Damion Queva: Suddenly we become more spontaneous during that -- what passage --
Kevin Day: You used to listen to parent, now you listen to kids.
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