Hello and welcome to my video. And my name is Dominic Davies. I’m a psychotherapist with 25 years experience working with sexual minorities and director of Pink Therapy in London.
A person’s sexuality is very confusing. There are many people who have bewildered by the different terms. So this video is going to try and setout to explain some of them.
Step one. What is sexual identity? There were three aspects to sexuality—identity, desire, and behavior. Your identity might be heterosexual, but your desires and or behaviors might reveal otherwise.
What is heterosexual? They’re only being attracted to people of the opposite sex, having no sexual thoughts, feelings towards your own sex or even being curious about what it might be like to have sex with someone of the same sex.
What is gay or lesbian? A sexual attraction to ones own sex.
What is bisexual? An attraction to both sexes, not necessary at the same time or equally or even acted upon.
Step two. Identifying your own sexuality, this step could also be called coming out to yourself. Questioning your sexually probably indicates you’re not 100% heterosexual, but most straight people have little reason to question things and few people are exclusively heterosexual in thoughts and deeds throughout their lifetime.
What is a sexual fantasy is about? Mostly men, mostly women, a mixture of men and women. What about your sexual dreams? What happens with your mind you’re asleep and therefore blocking out any conscious self censoring thoughts can be an important indicator.
Fantasy in the same sex is perfectly normal. Being curious about what it might be like to have sex with someone of the same sex is both normal and quite common.
If you’re mostly attracted to the opposite sex, I wonder what it might be like to have sex with your own gender, then this is known by curious. Most of many gay men and lesbians have known from an early age that they’re attracted to the same sex, some people realize this much later in life. This might be due to having suppressed their same sex attractions or perhaps they’ve never had a particular reason to question them.
If you have been sexually abused either as a child or a teenager, then it is not uncommon to be confused about sexually and this maybe better explored with a trained counselor.
About 5% to 7% of men and women are exclusively attracted to their own sex. Many more people are bisexual or have desires in any form.
Step three. Research. There is a huge amount and information available about sexuality. Most large bookstores and libraries will have a gay and lesbian section. You might find reading other peoples coming stories of interest because they often talk about how they knew they were different to their peers.
There are also many thousands of websites with useful information, and the advantage of the internet is that you can use it in courtesy in your home. Talking to gay people about their experiences will be hugely helpful. Many towns and cities have support groups and help lines which are often free to use.
Step four. Accept. Once you’ve identified your sexuality, its important to realize that you can not consciously change it. Some people’s sexuality may change naturally during the course of their lives, but such a change can not be forced by yourself or by others.
For further advice and counsel about your sexuality. Watch the video called “How to accept yourself as gay or lesbian.” Good luck.
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