How to Be Single in India Part 2/6

Liz: The divorce rate in India is very low and the divorce rate in America is very high so I didn’t know if you had any secrets, if you think that Indian people have any secret on how to have a happy marriage. Male: Indian people have better understanding with each other. They are very, very well adjustable Indian people’s that’s why they are very much happy in marriage I think. Liz: They adjust and they understand each other. So the expectation of how happy you should be. Nirenjan Iyengar: Yeah. Liz: It doesn’t really play into it about this idea of oh you must be so happy all the time. Nirenjan Iyengar: Well that again is something that we are taught from childhood that happiness is a state of mind—I mean you can be happy with a limited resources and you can be unhappy with unlimited resources so that’s kind of dinned into you from your childhood so you always try to be content with what you have and that I think kind of helps a lot in the long run. Liz: The women you know who are in arranged marriages, they learn to love their husbands and it works out. Pabah: It does work. Liz: It’s okay. Pabah: You didn’t start loving each on day one. Liz: Right. Pabah: I mean just now I met you, I can’t say that I love you. Liz: Right. Pabah: I’m just getting to know you but as we get to know each other and then slowly the love blossoms and that’s how it is. Liz: And you too? It blossomed? Aarti: Yeah. Liz: And that’s by being affectionate, that’s by being kind. Aarti: Affectionate. Yeah. Pabah: And taking care of each other. Liz: Taking care of each other. Pabah: At time of stress, taking care— Liz: I’m going to start crying right now. Was there a moment when you said ‘I like him’? Pabah: Yeah. Liz: When was it? Pabah: After about, say one month. Liz: One month? You said he’s good. Pabah: Yes. Liz: I have a good man. Pabah: Yes. Liz: You too? Aarti: No. Liz: No?! Aarti: Because it was only within eight days. Liz: Within eight days. Aarti: Because we went for a honeymoon. So, that was the first—that was I first know you I really like you. Liz: And in general what’s the expectation of marriage in 20 years from now or 10 years from now? Priya Shridhar: That we should be friends even then. Liz: Friends instead of like oh we have to be in love for the rest of our lives, it’s more, we need to be— Priya Shridhar: No, that changes. Liz: It changes. Priya Shridhar: It changes. Liz: But it means we need to be friends for the rest of our lives. Priya Shridhar: Yes I would say we need to be friends. The love will be there I mean not ‘in love’ but probably love. Liz: Yes. I think I’ve been hearing is that first you get married and then you start loving them. Male: I think so yeah because that way you learn about each other everyday and then so the love keeps growing incrementally I supposed in a quantum—and then it just kind of crushing down. Liz: You grow to love. Female: Yes, yes. Liz: And do you think that now because we want romance and we want to be in love and the soulmate and all that stuff, do you think that that’s ruined us? Me, included? Female: Maybe yes. Liz: All these crazy options. Nirenjan Iyengar: Yes. Liz: It’s terrible. Nirenjan Iyengar: That’s what’s killing us Liz: Killing us, killing me. When you see women today dating single, out men, boyfriends, boyfriends, boyfriends, do you think oh I wish I could have done that or do you think no I don’t like it. Male: — Liz: You don’t miss anything. Male: We don’t miss anything. — Liz: You don’t miss anything. You like being married. Female: Yeah. Liz: That you are saying everyone should go for an arranged marriage. Female: Yeah. Male: Yeah. Liz: Is it—am I too old for an arranged marriage? Female: Yes. Liz: I am? Maybe to throve two people together and make them take care of each other for a couple of decades, it ends up not working out so badly. I mean is that a way of spending 20 years dating really that fantastic in idea and my favorite thing is if you’re single in India, you’re definitely not in it alone.