How to Bond with your Baby

Emma Howard: Hello! I'm Emma Howard and I'm joined by Dr.Jonty Heaversedge, he is an expert on men's health problems. Hello Jonty. Dr. Jonty Heaversedge: Hi! Emma. Emma Howden: Jonty, I've got a question from the man. He has recently had a baby with his wife and he feels that his wife is bonding really well with their new little girl. But she says well I'm finding hard to connect with her, meaning his wife, and I feel as if my wife is pushing me away. What can I do to feel more like a part of the family? Actually, I think he is also saying he is finding hard to bond with the baby as well, so he is clearly feeling a bit left out all together, isn't he? Dr. Jonty Heaversedge: Yeah, and my guess it's must be hard for lot of man. I mean, we don't hear a lot about that in general practice, I think only, because men very often will find it very hard to talk about this. But particularly I think if moms are breastfeeding, men tend to feel a bit redundant. I mean they don't have that same connection, I guess. And it's interesting, it's always this assumption that women have a biological connection with the child that men don't. Emma Howden: And often women struggle when they have newborn. So yes they can be in trouble too, but men are assuming they have got that natural connection. Dr. Jonty Heaversedge: Absolutely, and I think men just assume that they don't, but there has been some interesting research that has shown that actually men's hormone levels, expecting father's hormone levels actually also change as the birth approaches of child. So there are biological changes in a man as well that is important bear in mind. I think men are forgotten about sometimes in this way. For this guy obviously the first thing it's important to say is he needs to talk to his partner about it, because she may not even be aware of the fact that he is feeling somewhat left out and he is worried about bonding with baby. Then it's just really important to do as much as possible together and the baby needs to get used to your voice. So talk to the baby, get used to your smell and feel so as much skin to skin contact. Emma Howden: So take off your shirt. He got to shirt off applied, take it off for the baby. Dr. Jonty Heaversedge: Take your shirt off absolutely. Take it off. Put the baby there, because the baby gets used to your smell and that's one of the ways in which the baby bonds particularly in the first sort of six weeks of life. So really important to do that and I guess all usual things changing nappies, bathing the baby, it just helps you develop that bond, but it is important and yeah I wish him well because it's hard. Emma Howden: It is hard though. I know there are some of the books that are there for new parents often say that even if the mother is breastfeeding, perhaps she could pump some breast milk put it in the bottle for one of the feeds to help her get some more sleep. Sleep is thing on the ground with a new born around and perhaps maybe a late feed could be given to the dad. So breast milk in a bottle. Not always easy to do, but it does work some folks. It gives them that connection. Dr. Jonty Heaversedge: It does absolutely to express breast milk and then it can actually be stored so that perhaps during the night if mom wants to sleep, dad can give baby a feed. I'm sure that's okay sometimes baby struggle with getting used to changing from breast to rubber tip. It doesn't always work ideally, but yeah for sure I think that's something that one can try. Emma Howden: It's something you can try. For some couples I know it can work out and gives the dad that special time alone with the baby. But yes it's a tough time anyway, isn't it with a newborn in the house? Dr. Jonty Heaversedge: It's hard for mom, dad, and for baby. Emma Howden: Yeah, it often does, but you do get through it, you do get through it and we hope that if you have a similar problem, we may have given you some help. But remember it's always best to go and see your own doctor for medical advice. Thanks for watching. We'll be back with more health question and answers.