Hello! I am Alan B. Densky, I would like to welcome you to my videos series on self confidence. My goals in this series are to entertain you and educate you about how to increase your level of self confidence for any endeavor. In chapter one we talked about how to increase feelings of self confidence using systematic desensitization. In chapter two we discovered that we get what we expect. So if we expect to fail then we fail and if we expect to feel confident and to be successful then we are confident and we succeed.
People who lack confidence tend to depend excessively on the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear failure. They often put themselves down and tend to discard or even ignore a compliment that they do receive. Conversely when you are a self confident person you will be willing to risk the disapproval of others because you will trust your own instincts and abilities. You will be able to accept yourself and you won't feel like you have to conform in order to be accepted by others.
Just because a person feels the self confidence in one or more aspects of their life does not mean that they will feel confident in every part of their life. For example a person might feel confident about their athletic ability but not feel confident when it comes to approaching members of the opposite sex, such as in a dating situation or social relationships. Many factors effect the development of self confidence. Parents attitudes are crucial to the way children feel about themselves particularly in their early years.
When parents provide acceptance children receive a solid foundation for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are accessibly critical or demanding or if they are over protective and discourage moves towards independence children may come to believe that they are incapable, inadequate or inferior. However if parents encourage a child's moves towards self-reliance and they are not over critically when then child makes mistakes the child will learn to accept him or herself and will be on the way to developing self confidence.
A lack of self confidence is not necessarily related to a lack of ability. A lack of self confidence is often the result of focusing too strongly on the unrealistic expectations of others, especially parents and friends. In fact the influence of friends can be more powerful then those of parents in shaping behaviors and feelings about oneself. In response to external influences, people develop assumptions some of these are constructive and some are harmful. Several assumptions that can interfere with self confidence and alternative ways of thinking are assumption, I must always be successful at everything that I do.
This is a totally unrealistic assumption. In real life each person has their strengths and their weaknesses. While it is important to learn to do the best what one can, it is very important to learn to accept the self as being human and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at and accept the fact that no one knows everything or is an expert at everything. Assumption, I must be perfect and loved by everyone and satisfy everyone. Again this is a totally unrealistic assumption. All human beings are imperfect, it is better to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.
Assumption everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings, behaviors and in the present. Alternative while it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influences during your childhood as you grow older you can gain awareness and perspective on what those influences have been.
In doing so you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You do not have to be helpless in the face of past events. Here are some strategies for developing confidence. Emphasize your strengths, give yourself credit for everything you can do and give yourself credit for every new thing that you are willing to try. Take risk. Adopt the attitude of I never fail because there are no failures. However sometimes I learn what does not work and once I have learn what does not work in a given situation I can try something else.
Use self-talk as an opportunity to counter harmful assumptions then tell yourself to stop and substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection remind yourself that no can do everything perfectly and that it is only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to except yourself while still striving to improve. Learn to evaluate yourself independently, avoid the constant sense of chaos that comes with relying on the opinions of others too much.
In the next chapter in this series Chapter four I will give you a list of specific question that you can ask yourself that will help rapidly guide you to a state of increased self confidence. If you would like to see the next chapter in this series right now or you want to move on to one of the other topics that I cover in my other videos like weight loss, smoke cessation, overcoming allergies, then you should know that I host this self hypnosis video blog, where you can easily access all of my free videos in one centralized place. This free library is a work in progress, so new videos are being constantly added. Thanks for watching.
Transcription by:
Scribe4you Transcription Services