This is Dr. Anthony Kane from the Complete Connection Parenting program with another parent tip for you today. Today we are going to discuss the problem that many parents have and that is doing too much for your child.
Now, with all other children, we want our children to succeed, we want to protect them from harm and from things -- and from failure. But that's not always the best thing for our children. Let me give you an example; a lot of parents have problems with children with ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, some other learning disabilities or other problems that our child could really have some difficulties, special needs children.
Here is the problem. Our tendency is to try to make exclusives for them, protect them, my child has got ADHD, my child has trouble listening, he's got Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and he needs a special deal, special treatment. That's not necessarily good for your child and here is why. When you make excuses for your child, take over child, do things for your child, if he is troubled reading, helping his homework too much, he just can't do these certain things because he's got a problem.
When you make excuses for your child and do things for your child that really he should be doing himself, what you are doing is you are teaching your child that he really, first of all, does not have to be successful, he doesn't have to do things himself, it will be done for him and more importantly, you are showing him, you really don't think he can do these things for himself, he can't be successful, he can't do his homework, he can't get up of bed on time, he can't behave in the class, he can't sit still because he's got a problem and you are teaching your child to fail. That's not a good thing for a parent to do.
We want our child to be successful. We want our child to be happy. Sure, he's got a problem. Some children need glasses, some children will have a problem with the hearing, they are hearing with hearing aids, some children need special help with learning. But those are isolated problems, you want to have your child succeeded and think he can do things. So he needs help, you give him help. He gets the helping he needs but he is expected to perform because face it, when he leaves your house, he leaves school, no one is going to care if he has a learning problem. No one is going to care if he has ADHD. He is going to be expected to behave properly in society. No one is going to give him a break. No one is going to give him an easy time because he's got a problem that makes him less than other people. He's got to perform, he's got to behave, he's got to listen, he's got be on his job on time, he's got to be part of society and his problems are his problems. So you have to teach him now the child, how to deal with these issues.
For example; your child has trouble seeing, you get him glasses, you don't say you have got trouble seeing, you will not do your homework, you have got trouble hearing, you don't have to listen in class. You have got trouble sitting still, you don't listen to teacher, don't you behave. That's not the way to educate your child. Your child has got to be responsible, you got to teach him to be responsible and you cannot make exclusives for your child. You have to expect him to perform, expect him to behave, give him the help he needs but don't do things for him. Your child has to learn to be responsible and deal with the situations that he is going to face when you put him in the world later on. That's how you are going to have a successful happy child.
This is Dr. Anthony Kane again with the Complete Connection Parenting program. To get more parent tips like this, please come to our website at ccparenting.com and sign up for our free newsletter.
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