Rhiannon Ally: With couples like Heidi and Spencer Pratt or Jon Kay Gasoline it seems it is Narcissism is the buzz word and the hot topic in the media.
Well, you might not be dating a self-obsessed man right now chances are you probably falling for one at some point or another. We all have. Lisa Scott, author of It’s All about Him and she’s here to help examine the man in your life and to help see through those charming facades. Hello Lisa.
Lisa Scott: Hi, thanks for having me.
Rhiannon Ally: You are speaking through a very personal experiences.
Lisa Scott: Yes, indeed.
Rhiannon Ally: Your ex-husband, tell us about him.
Lisa Scott: Yes, well my ex-husband was diagnosed with pathological Narcissism but I didn’t realize the implications of Narcissism on a relationship until eight years into our relationship. So he joked from day one about being a Narcissist. I thought always confident anyone can see until certain rounds of my life forced me to look into the true meaning of it and how it impacts the relationship, and when I did it was a very big a high moment which is essentially why I wrote my book to help others understand Narcissism.
Rhiannon Ally: And it can be very hard to see a man Narcissistic.
Lisa Scott: Oh, yeah.
Rhiannon Ally: To see them for what they really are.
Lisa Scott: Well, in the beginning—
Rhiannon Ally: Tell about what to look for.
Lisa Scott: Yeah, in the beginning they are very charming and they swept you off your feet. A Narcissist—we’re all Narcissistic to a certain degree. There’s healthy Narcissism and there’s unhealthy Narcissism. Unhealthy Narcissism is when it gets to a point where you are so consumed with yourself. You can’t see that another person has feelings. You’re just consumed with your own world, and so it makes a relationship difficult. But in the beginning, they appear apathetic. They’re great actors, narcissistic, great actors.
Rhiannon Ally: They seem charming and wonderful.
Lisa Scott: Yes, so there are some signs to look for as you mentioned in the beginning. One is if he is too good to be true, question that. There’s a reason for the old odd age, it’s too good to be true. A Narcissist will figure out what you want in a man or woman because woman can be just a Narcissistic, but they will figure out what you’re looking for in a mate. They will become that character and take on. Whatever those qualities are you looking for and then lower you in.
Rhiannon Ally: Oh, that’s how they lower you in.
Lisa Scott: Yes.
Rhiannon Ally: Now what do you do if you have been hurt or if you’re dating a Narcissist right now or married a Narcissistic.
Lisa Scott: Right and the thing you need to do which is why I wrote my book is you need to understand that a Narcissist cannot change. A pathological Narcissist which I get to the point that it becomes an illness they’re so consumed, they’re obsessed. They cannot change so you either have to accept them for who they are and all of their limitations because they are emotionally scented or you need to move on. And so I have a message board where hundreds of women and men are talking about their relationships trying to live a Narcissist and what that’s like.
So it’s something that I really think you need supporting, you need to talk to others that understand, but at the end of the day you just really need to ask yourself, am I going to accept this or am I going to move on? And the hardest with a Narcissist is they lack empathy. They have zero empathy.
Rhiannon Ally: But in the beginning they seem so sensitive.
Lisa Scott: Yeah.
Rhiannon Ally: They seem so—
Lisa Scott: Well, they put on a hat because they know it’s not normal to have zero empathy. They’re incapable of empathy or love and they know that’s not normal, so in the beginning they’ll put on an acting in order to charm you. And once you settle down with them, you’ll realize, oh, gush.
Rhiannon Ally: Okay, thank you so much Lisa.
Lisa Scott: And it makes the relationship difficult.
Rhiannon Ally: It makes it very difficult and these are very good tips. So if you feel like you’re in a Narcissistic relationship and you need some tips for making it work or even breaking free pick up It’s All About Him even for the adorable cover out there.
Lisa Scott: It’s available now.
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