Daddy Clay: Sometimes in pediatrics, unfortunately, a child can be lost. The process of healing is very difficult. How should a parent who unfortunately looses a young child or older child approach that problem?
Daddy Brad: It is very difficult and there are different issues around grieving that parents go through if they have other children when they lost a child or when they lost their only child.
Now, let us take a situation where they have lost a child and there are other siblings. First, realize that the siblings would go through a process of mourning themselves. Even babies will become fuzzier and understand that there is something missing. But older children above the age three may first become hostile and angry and acting out as part of their process of mourning. After that, after several weeks perhaps or month, they can go through a process where they become withdrawn or sad and continue to talk about the lost sibling. That is very, very typical and that may go on for weeks and even months and they fantasize that the child may be coming back or they also may fantasize that they have something to do with the loss of that sibling even though they have nothing to do with it.
So, those are expected kinds of reactions and grief reactions that are normal. So, as a parent, how do you deal with those kinds of things?
First, try and return to a normal routine as soon as possible. Kids like adults need routine. And the more you could do that, the more the child will realize that life is continuing.
Second, have conversations. Open conversations with the child especially the over three year old. Acknowledge how we all are sad and we all miss your brother or your sister. Those kinds of feelings that you can express and hear them express are all part of making that process go more smoothly. But it is not sure. It is not quick. It will take weeks and maybe even more.
Third is engage other people from the family to assist in those support efforts with your child that is left behind. Reassure them that life is going to go on, that they love them very much and that they are the center of the activity that remains to be going forward. And expect that they will have periods where they are calm again and then they will regress especially around birthdays or other celebrations. Those are all perfectly normal times when they really miss the siblings that they have lost.
And fourth, be aware that there are some times—where there is a need for professional help, where a psychologist or a psychiatrist may need to be brought in. When are those times? Those are the times where the mourning process is going for a long period of time where there is a marked withdrawal over months, inability to get back to the normal activity. If they are in school, withdrawal from friends or disappointing school performance or crying or outbursts. After a month or two of that and it is not returning to normal, it is time to get some professional help.
Transcription by:
Scribe4you Transcription Services