How to Cope with a History of Sexual Abuse

Chris: Hi, my name is Chris. I’m from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and my girlfriend was sexually abused as a child and I was wondering how I could bring up the topic of sex without coming across insensitive.

Sallie Foley: Chris’s question about not being insensitive is really important when it comes to sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is common one out of four women, one of even or eight men are sexually abused as children so it’s quite possible that a person’s partner has a history of abuse. Most people want to discuss this in the context of a loving connection and they want to feel safe and trusting and also feel like the partnership is ongoing. So Chris, one thing is to make sure that your partner knows that your there for her and that you care to be warm and loving. Perhaps to bring it up by saying something like, “I really care about you and I care about the pleasure that we have in our life together and that includes touch and sexual touch. And I’m wondering if we can talk about how your sexual abuse might affect our love life together and is there anything that I can do to be supportive to you?”


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