How to Deal with Being a Bisexual

Ask Dan & Jennifer From the most popular online couple Sex, Love and Dating Advice What’s your Question? Jennifer: Hey Guys, thanks for all the comments for all the great comments that you guys leave on our videos. We always want to know what you have to say. Dan: Every time. Jennifer: So after you’ve watched this one take a few minutes and tell us what you think, okay? You don’t have to agree with us. You can completely disagree, you can agree with us. Dan: We like it when you agree too. Just leave a comment. We always want to know what you think. Jennifer: This one is kind of an impromptu question but it’s a good one so we had to throw it in the show today. “I'm a young guy and I’ve decided to be bisexual. Is it wrong to be bisexual and should I be straight?” Is it Wrong to Explore Bisexuality? Jennifer: And we got Paul Carlson with us today. He is a Life Coach, you know he is just a Zen monk. Okay listen to what Paul has to say, he’s full of wisdom. Dan: Really? Jennifer: What do you think Paul, is it wrong to be bisexual? Paul Carlson: Its part of the human condition, there’s no right or wrong to anything if you’re getting outside of religious context or whatever. There are different templates if you will that you can put on in any kind of life experience. But humans have done everything sexual since the beginning of time and it’s only culture and convention that dictate from time to time and place to place, what’s appropriate, what’s not appropriate? Dan: Which tend to change, by the way. Paul Carlson: If you take ancient Greece and ancient Rome, bisexuality was the norm of the day. The thing here is that the young man doesn’t say how old he is and what I want to tell you is— Jennifer: He did say he was young. Paul Carlson: He said he was young but we don’t know if that means, teens or 20s or 30s you know, it’s all perception. Dan: I’d like to think that I’m young. Paul Carlson: I’m not even going to go there. But the thing here is that, that in the realm of psychology they don’t even do any kind of an assertation about your sexual orientation until you're about 26 years old. And that’s because there is experimentation. Kinzie found out, back in the late 40s that about 54 % of all males in our culture have homosexual experience sometime before their 26. That does not mean you’re homosexual, it does not mean you're bisexual. You're sexual orientation is not about who you go to bed with, it’s about who you’re thinking while you're in bed with someone. Who are you thinking about? So the point is, that you can have a gay man let’s say, that is married and has children, and because of convention and social pressures, he decides to get marry and have children. But when he’s in bed, having sex with his wife, he’s really thinking about some guy. Jennifer: He’s thinking about Bob next door. Dan: Oh! My god! Do you realize have many millions of judgmental vindictive people that sit in judgment of other people in everyday are kind of squirming when they here that. Jennifer: Well but they’re probably judging themselves too. Dan: They really are. Paul Carlson: Look, that’s all fear based stuff and it’s a fear of not being proved by your family or accepted by the church or whatever. But the bottom line is that most straight men will have a homosexual dream or have a physical attraction to another male at some moment in their life. Now, could only, they see some guy that looks like an Adonis and what they’re really doing is comparing their own body to this person. But they’re thinking, “Oh! My god, I thought this guy was good looking? Am I turning gay?” Dan: Girls, do that all the time and it’s hot. Jennifer: Guys are so bad about them. A guy looks at it—you know, girls like “Wow! She looks great!” and the guys like “Yes, she look really looks great”. But if the guys go, “Man! He looks good,” everybody’s like— Dan: “Whoa! Hey there!” Paul Carlson: So the point here is that human sexuality’s a very complex area. Dan: Really? Paul Carlson: It’s so complex, they really don’t have at all figured out. They do know from science now that if someone is homosexual, that they probably have different genes than somebody who would be, what we would consider straight. Jennifer: That’s interesting. Paul Carlson: But bisexuality is could be called trisexuality, as in “I’ll try anything”. Jennifer: Oh! Yes. That’s our perspective, is that for all sexual. Can we just not put a label on it? We’re sexual you know. Dan: And not be judgmental about people. Jennifer: Today we may be bisexual, tomorrow we may—you know want to be, have gay sex and the next day we want to have straight sex. I know there’s a monk term thing to that but— Dan: Does this get back to consent the adults and be respectful of other people? Paul Carlson: Well look, the bottom line to it is, eventually, even if you consider yourself bisexual, in psychology, they know that people that consider themselves bisexual, they may be in a straight relationship, but as time goes on they will move more toward the gay side. Okay, not everyone but statistically speaking. Jennifer: So is bisexuality a way to kind of ease into it, maybe? Paul Carlson: It can be. It can be that may be those relationships are a little bit easier for them to deal with because men are wired more like men and women are more wired like women. Jennifer: Right. Paul Carlson: It just may be or may be they had a bad experience with one sex or the other. But the bottom line is that, a lot of younger people try things. You’ve heard the classic joke about, you know they asked this girl if she’s bisexual and she said, “Well, there was that one time in college.” Dan: And all the guys want to hear it about what that was. Jennifer: That is such a common story. Paul Carlson: That’s a standard summer teeny movie comment. And it always brings a big yuck, you know Dan: And all the guys want to hear about that. Jennifer: Well, it’s true when you're young and these are just mind to sense, I don’t think you know who you are until you’re like 27 or 28. Paul Carlson: At the earliest. Jennifer: So, up until that, you’re trying this, you’re trying that, you’re trying everything whether it’s sex, drugs, what kind of job you want, you know, what you’re interests are? I think all those things are there’s still morphing and growing. Dan: Different brands of potato chips, I mean you just don’t know yet. Paul Carlson: But again going to this young man, is we don’t know how young he is in this case. But the bottom line is, who are you thinking about when you do have sex? Regardless of who you’re with, whether it’s a male or a female. If you’re always thinking about sex with the same sex, regardless of what kind of physical body you’re with, there’s a good chance you’re gay, or at least more on the gay side of bisexual. There is nothing that is—there are very few situations that are totally clear cut. Some guy will say, “Well, I’m not interested in guys, I’m only a hundred percent into women”. Dan: That will be a hundred percent phobic. Paul Carlson: And that may be true, but you remove that man from society, in a jail or being you know stranded on an island and there’s only another male there. Or what they used to have problems in the navy’s of the world, where men would go out to sea for many, many, many months or even years before they come back into shore, and all a sudden the instances of homosexual behavior goes up. And then when you get back to land and they have access to women, they go out and the homosexual stuff goes away. Well does that mean they were homosexual only for certain period of time? No. It was just a physical, sexual experience you know. So, no judgments here, we’re not saying that one’s right, one’s wrong. But the big thing is if you’re really young, if you’re under 26, 27 years old, if you know that the only person that you ever think about or the only type of body you think about having sex with regardless of who you’re actually having sex with is another male, you’re probably gay. Okay, or at least more on the gay side of the bisexual thing. And again, you know homosexuals can perform sexual activity with women or the women with a man and the man with women. It’s not who you're having sex with. It’s who you're thinking about when you're having sex, that’s the bottom line. Dan: That’s a profound thought to fonder. Jennifer: That is a very profound thought, I wouldn’t know what you guys think. Dan: Then you go to have to tell any, just tell, okay we’d like to know what do you think? Jennifer: Yes, what do you think? You know, is it who you’re having sex with or is it who you’re thinking about when you’re having sex. Leave a comment. Let us know what you think. Don’t forget to Subscribe to our Channel! And please Rate our Show Give us 5 Stars!