The difficulty in the dependent is what they in lived with is someone in the constant tapes state of having a heart attack. If somebody you are in love with is hurting himself with alcohol and drugs there is a constant state of crisis and naturally the tendency is to look for another person.
The difficulty is then the needs of the individual co-dependents get lost. Very often, what happens is the whole boundaries between the chemically dependent person and the co-dependents get lost so that the co-dependents believe that it is there fault and somehow they have failed the addict that they have not affix them.
They were tending to believe that if the people really love them they would stop drinking. But addiction has its own rules and has his own logic in it is separated from the love that of anyone. It is a physical need that comes before the relationship.
And when somebody is an addict at that time there is no choice to there situation. It is only when they primary addiction is not active that the person is able to choice not to start again. What I want you to do for a moment is to take a look at what happens with an addict.
At first, when somebody uses all they want to do is to use because there is benefits to be use. If is feels good, the person is social, it helps some relax, they have a good time and they have a very small amount of cause if any cause at all. They would make them not one to use the drug.
Most people like ways stay at that kind of level, there whole lives is essentially is social usage. But if the person becomes addicted, what is happens is that this desire the benefit and the cause essentially become a 50/5 preposition. And once, that occurs there is a tremendous amount of anxiety and the civil war that develops with the persons.
So, that they want to use and they do not want to use and actually that is terrific because if they are doing that then what is going to happen is the diseases getting progress, the cause is going to get worse. And it some pointing time the person who is using the sides to quit in that is the way it should be.
The problem is the poor could dependent is out here watching this person, kill themselves and they want to try the help which is understandable.
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