Host: Is there an age has a famous name to call terrible two's, there must be reason why we call it terrible two's? First of all, if such a thing exists, and why do we call it, if it is true, terrible two's?
Steven P. Shelov: We call it the terrible two's, because the behavior of your ones lovely, compliant, interesting, increasingly verbal young one-and-a-half year old, becomes a turbulent acting out, very active, often resistant to kind of things that you want them to do, young boy or girl, and it feels pretty terrible, because they are not listening to you. In places that you really would like them to listen to, like supermarkets or theaters or something like that.
So, but it's not terrible actually, it's an important development leap on the part of the young child. That independence, that moving off from being directly depended on the parent, making some of their own decisions, exploring their universe, is all part of that growth spurt of two. So it's really a positive statement, but it doesn't mean that it's easy to deal with, but don't view it negatively. Take it as a positive, but then figure out ways to deal with it when it is happening, and it happens very predictively.
Host: Did you approach some of the problems that are positively reinforcement type approach?
Steven P. Shelov: It's a balancing act. There is something that a two year old will want to do that are clearly dangerous, and that's not allowable. Running across the street, getting on a tricycle and moving across the street into dangerous circumstances. That's just not permitted, and those clearly have to be laid out firmly and reinforced firmly, but then there are lots of other things that could be done, that are okay, and are not going to serve tax the system that much, and you should allow things to happen, and when they are happened in ways that are both, okay for the child and don't disrupt, and they were not upsetting any other place, that should be reinforced. Terrific, you did that really great and that's the way the balancing act should proceed. It's not smooth and there are times where some days will be good, and some days will be bad. Some people in literature, and I have referred in our childcare book that says, the first adolescence, because that's truly what it is. Sometimes they are very dependent, very much, wants you to hold their hand crossing, whatever, and then the next time they are like running ahead and not listening etcetera, and that's typical what adolescence do. They are sort of holding tight sometimes, and then running away at other times, as they go through their adolescence growth spurt, had a lot of similarities to the two year old, but it's not bad.
Host: One I think bad treatments some people do, sometimes they give them antihistamines that kind of keep the kid on their own. Is that a good practice or bad practice?
Steven P. Shelov: Children should not be medicated for being developmentally appropriate ,and that's what the two year old acting out. Antihistamines are good only if you have an allergy of some kind, and that can take away some of that allergy, but please, don't use medications like that for these kinds of behavioral things which really are normal. That doesn't mean I understand that they are easy to deal with, and some kids have it more so than others. I mean, our oldest child could not really act out that much as a two year old. The middle one our daughter was wild, and we had to really set limits with her in ways that were realistic, and that happens too within families, but medication is no place when it comes to dealing with this particular issue.
Host: Is our relationship with terrible two's and hyper and da, da, da. Every kid is seems to be a little bit, testing the waters, is that true.
Steven P. Shelov: Testing the waters is part of being too -- they are going to challenge you. Again, just like they are going to when they are teenagers. That challenge is asserting their own independence. I like to say that the two year olds are tough, independent. Three year olds are often a little quieter, a little sort of more placid as they get to play with other kids in school, and they can interact better, four often gets to be very disruptive again, except they have more language and they can use sort of body language and stuff that you really don't want that just say. Doesn't last that long, but the four year old acting out can be even more tumultuous than the two year old. Then at five, they go to kindergarten, and things sort of quiet down markedly as they start to relate to peers and you the parent are no longer the center of the universe. So please be aware of those different stages. It's totally normal, and fun as long as you can step back and not react.
Host: Okay.
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