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Ilana: So, I’m on a diet and I still want to go out and hang out with my friends. But, how do I go out with them and not have to eat the greasy fried food that they all decide to order?
Sheila Heen: They are reacting to a fact that they are choosing to eat and you are not. And, they may just feel like, you know, it sounds much fun if we’re all not partaking. They may also think, “Oh! You should partake too because then, I don’t feel as badly that I’m doing it.”
When you go out with friends, if people are drinking, you want everybody to drink because otherwise, you may feel bad when you are drinking too much.
So, part of it is encouraging them to—“Hey! Go ahead. Have a good time. Don’t worry about me. I’m very happy.”
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Sheila Heen: Hey guys, I’m just going to order separately—partly because I am watching my budget or just because I’m going to indulge in my entry and not do an appetizer or not doing this freaking appetizer. Is that okay? Of course they’re going to say, “Whatever.” And then, you can also say something directly to the leader if you wanted to be that separated.
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