Tiffany Smith: Welcome to Love U, I’m your host Tiffany Smith. Just think of me as your own personal professor of love. Today’s lesson is how to ditch a bad date. We’ve all been there. Your best friend sets you up on a date and she says “The guy’s great and he looks just like Orlando Bloom.” Well you get there and he looks more like your seventh grade social studies teacher. But, never fear because we are here to teach you how to keep it classy while ditching your date.
Scenario number one, you’re on a date with touchy feely man. Mister handy has no concept of personal space. He’ll touch, kiss and hold your hand within the first five minutes of meeting you. The best way to handle this situation is to become tactfully toxic, oh, no!
Male: Oops, what is it? Are you ok? You ok, baby?
Tiffany Smith: Do you have a cat?
Male: I got a pet iguana.
Tiffany Smith: Iguana, that’s it. Oh no. Oh, I have a terrible allergy to iguanas. I’m sorry it’s only going to get worse. I didn’t realize that you had an iguana. I’m so allergic to them, I should go.
Male: Are you sure? Call me?
Tiffany Smith: Next up is the case of the invisible woman. This dating disappearance dilemma occurs when your gentleman caller suddenly seems to forget that you’re still at the table.
And that started on the bed of raised radices—
Male: Wow, you make everything sound good.
Tiffany Smith: Thanks! Okay, I’ll have—
Male: Hey, what time do you often work here?
Tiffany Smith: My shift end at eleven.
Male: That’s perfect! But, I got to have Bethany over here though.
Tiffany Smith: Tiffany!
Male: Tiffany, home by ten.
Tiffany Smith: You know what take my seat. I’m going to go stretch my legs and walk home, thanks.
Male: Hey, give me a salad, feed the meter, thank you
Tiffany Smith: In this scenario, you have not only slipped away seamlessly but you’ve also played match maker. Squeezed in a little extra cardio and prevented an innocent car from being towed. Works like a charm.
Our last scenario requires a bit of advanced planning. Arrange for one of your friends to call you 20 minutes into the date. Now, if the date’s going well you could just ignore the call, but, if the date is a bum, well you’ve just extended a love lifeline.
Male: So, that was the first gold medal I ever took home in the Dungeon and Dragon’s tournament.
Tiffany Smith: I’m sorry I have to take this. Hello? You’re kidding me, tonight? I’m on a date! Okay, I’ll be there soon. That was the office that called. There had been some sort of emergency and any minute I’m coming right away. Now, probably, we can work through the rest of the night.
Male: Wait, I thought you’re a pre-school teacher?
Tiffany Smith: Bye now!
Male: Really?
Tiffany Smith: Well, that does it for this edition of Love U. Hopefully, we’ve taught you how to say farewell with flare because after all, there’s no reason to break a date and a heart. Thanks for enrolling in Love U. Now, I’ve got to go on wash my hair.
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