How to Face Stress on the Job Video

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How to Face Stress on the Job

Ivy Hartman: Small business staffs often feel like family and well family disputes can lead to tears. But crying does not solve problems it only creates them and our guest today offers some advice on crying on the job. Patricia E. Adams is a small business owner, a wellness consultant, a life therapist and author. Welcome to sbtv.com Patricia. Patricia E. Adams: Thank you Ivy. Ivy Hartman: How wide spread is crying in the work place? Patricia E. Adams: Well today are seeing a lot more of it than we did 17 years ago. I've been license marriage and family therapist for quite a while in San Antonio and through imposes of this program we've treat different types of issues. And so were seeing a lot more of it today than I would say we did about 17 years ago. Ivy Hartman: What are some of the reasons people cry at work? Patricia E. Adams: Now that’s a good question, most people cry at work because they feel like they don’t have the time to complete the tasks that are presented before them, there is a lack of resources also presented. There is also a precede concept that I really want to do my job well and so though not being able to do that and releases bad emotional release from people. As well as the new ability to sometime get along with the person who puts to your right or maybe to your left. Ivy Hartman: How often is it something personal and not even work related that causes someone to cry at work? Patricia E. Adams: That’s the beauty of what were you and I are going to talked amount a great deal here at sbtv is that many time it is personal. A lot of times folks don’t check the things that happened that morning before they came to work, it just like were going back to school and looking at the track they can different cities and which relay their so much congestion. So there are things that happen every five to ten to 15 to 20 to 30 seconds they're on the road of life. That lead to frustration and many time will bring that work, I've got a couple clients right now who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. And sometime we’ll bring that to work as well as long as the frustration of an unhappy home. Not all work, all work related. Ivy Hartman: Well you can just live life at work as your person at work can you? I mean life carries over into that and so that’s going too happened. So who are some of the people who are having you know trouble on controlling they're crying at work or at crying at work. Patricia E. Adams: I don’t want know but a serial type. Ivy Hartman: Right, right about here, where two women’s who I'm sure that some of our audience is thinking you know women. Patricia E. Adams: I think sometimes single women tend to cry more. I think those who were driven to success often times, times again in frustration to want things to be done well, want to succeed and not have those resources available to them to do that. I think they have a tendency to cry more. You know man we often hear “Don’t cry you know it’s not good, it’s unhealthy if your born you cry” so we don’t really see a lot of that with men often times we see it in women. Ivy Hartman: What is it as a professional that we can do to help control that urges to cry? That maybe man is doing differently than women or single women are you know I want to know the secret. Patricia E. Adams: The first thing is they have a dialog about it, just like we are. The prepare for this is again is to keep things quite and silent. And so as in the case of our volcano something is flowing underneath the surface and then all of the sudden look or not having that tan available or the report not there on time or just make whatever is in you explode. So it just has a simple conversation about it, have you ever felt this way I did. Where you standing at the coffee pot, tell them what's going on, you look a little different, go on and have that conversation about where you are and professionally for those of us that are in upper management and leadership design I think we should see just seek out coaches or mentors. Because they can help us have that conversation and work us through those particular issues off camera you and I were talking about my mentor. Ivy Hartman: Yeah. Patricia E. Adams: Famous advice has been in my life since I was 12 years of age and there are times that I’m sitting at my desk and something comes up and I want to convey a message to my staff, “Oh, I need to asked them, I need to asked about this before I do this” so I'm frustrated about something. I need to asked them before I do this and I will call my Famous in the middle of the day and he will have that conversation with me and I can talked it out and then the moment passes and I'm a better person when I interact with my staff in that way. Ivy Hartman: I would like to talk a little bit more about how you choose a mentor and maybe we’ll do that towards the end of the segment but I wanted to ask. What are now the personal and professional consequences for crying at work? Patricia E. Adams: I think the most profound one is the fact that is difficult to move and groaned the respect that you need from those who you are being elevated to lead. So you want to cries because you’re frustrated you don’t have the resources that you need, you don’t feel you have time management skills available to you to revive that servicing your employer. It makes a very difficult when they say, “Wow, I see something in you that I want to move you into a management position” and your pears are at that level, they find it very difficult to respect you because they seeing you at times somewhat vulnerable. Ivy Hartman: As it pertains to trying to diffuse the situation or we acquaint somebody after they’ve had a cry at work either you were a boss or you are employee you mentioned mentoring as very important. Patricia E. Adams: Right. Ivy Hartman: So is it, is it healthy choice to find the mentor in your same office or is it a better option to say seek someone out whose not involve in the situation. Patricia E. Adams: I think it can be both, someone who is I don’t two or three levels ahead of you in leadership it’s a great mentor because they know the culture of the environment to which worked in, they can see what you don’t see. They're like anybody not in, but its also a good thing to seek someone out outside of the organization who has, who has a sense of discernment when it comes to being able to lead, being able to have a conversation, being able to see the big picture and often times thinks outside of the box. Ivy Hartman: Okay, let’s talked from the role of either and employee, excuse me an employer or a coworker all of a sudden I burst into tears. What is that healthy good way to react if I’m maybe that person’s boss, or the first need your urgent reaction that’s going to be of shock I would think, but maybe, maybe there is a better way to deal with it and in order to help that employee readjust and really get to the roots of the problems? Patricia E. Adams: I’m going to teach you key of things. Ivy Hartman: Okay. Patricia E. Adams: You're ready. Ivy Hartman: Yeah. Patricia E. Adams: Never asked why. Ivy Hartman: Why, don’t ever ask why you're crying? Patricia E. Adams: Never asked why you're crying, widely suspect your license it does not give you factual information. So the better questions would be, what can I do for you, how I can help you to move and pass this moment, do you need sometime away from the situation, but the better question really is, what do you need from me at this moment. Ivy Hartman: How are people who cry at worked viewed by everyone else, it is considering an irrational person? Patricia E. Adams: I don’t know if it’s in irrational, irrational is much as it is. Okay, what do you we do now, what is this means for us, how do you kind of just pull your hair bag and start all overall again. It’s just really it’s a life reaction we all have our emotions, we have the behaviors that we do, we have the cognitions that we think. So I think if they can reframe it as we say in my business to be something that can be healthy but not often desire in the work place. I think we can have better reactions to those folks to do. Ivy Hartman: Thank you Patricia for being here, we've all learned a lot about how to control our emotions while were at work and we’ll have more from Patricia Adams right here on sbtv.com in the mean time Patricia Adams book is the ABC’s of Change and her firm site guys wellness group provides services of residents of 18 states. So you can look for her right here on sbtv.com where small business is our only business.

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Ivy Hartman: Small business staffs often feel like family and well family disputes can lead to tears. But crying does not solve problems it only creates them and our guest today offers some advice on crying on the job. Patricia E. Adams is a small business owner, a wellness consultant, a life therapist and author. Welcome to sbtv.com Patricia.

Patricia E. Adams: Thank you Ivy.

Ivy Hartman: How wide spread is crying in the work place?

Patricia E. Adams: Well today are seeing a lot more of it than we did 17 years ago. I've been license marriage and family therapist for quite a while in San Antonio and through imposes of this program we've treat different types of issues. And so were seeing a lot more of it today than I would say we did about 17 years ago.

Ivy Hartman: What are some of the reasons people cry at work?

Patricia E. Adams: Now that’s a good question, most people cry at work because they feel like they don’t have the time to complete the tasks that are presented before them, there is a lack of resources also presented. There is also a precede concept that I really want to do my job well and so though not being able to do that and releases bad emotional release from people. As well as the new ability to sometime get along with the person who puts to your right or maybe to your left.

Ivy Hartman: How often is it something personal and not even work related that causes someone to cry at work?

Patricia E. Adams: That’s the beauty of what were you and I are going to talked amount a great deal here at sbtv is that many time it is personal. A lot of times folks don’t check the things that happened that morning before they came to work, it just like were going back to school and looking at the track they can different cities and which relay their so much congestion. So there are things that happen every five to ten to 15 to 20 to 30 seconds they're on the road of life. That lead to frustration and many time will bring that work, I've got a couple clients right now who are dealing with the loss of a loved one.

And sometime we’ll bring that to work as well as long as the frustration of an unhappy home. Not all work, all work related.

Ivy Hartman: Well you can just live life at work as your person at work can you? I mean life carries over into that and so that’s going too happened. So who are some of the people who are having you know trouble on controlling they're crying at work or at crying at work.

Patricia E. Adams: I don’t want know but a serial type.

Ivy Hartman: Right, right about here, where two women’s who I'm sure that some of our audience is thinking you know women.

Patricia E. Adams: I think sometimes single women tend to cry more. I think those who were driven to success often times, times again in frustration to want things to be done well, want to succeed and not have those resources available to them to do that. I think they have a tendency to cry more. You know man we often hear “Don’t cry you know it’s not good, it’s unhealthy if your born you cry” so we don’t really see a lot of that with men often times we see it in women.

Ivy Hartman: What is it as a professional that we can do to help control that urges to cry? That maybe man is doing differently than women or single women are you know I want to know the secret.

Patricia E. Adams: The first thing is they have a dialog about it, just like we are. The prepare for this is again is to keep things quite and silent. And so as in the case of our volcano something is flowing underneath the surface and then all of the sudden look or not having that tan available or the report not there on time or just make whatever is in you explode. So it just has a simple conversation about it, have you ever felt this way I did. Where you standing at the coffee pot, tell them what's going on, you look a little different, go on and have that conversation about where you are and professionally for those of us that are in upper management and leadership design I think we should see just seek out coaches or mentors. Because they can help us have that conversation and work us through those particular issues off camera you and I were talking about my mentor.

Ivy Hartman: Yeah.

Patricia E. Adams: Famous advice has been in my life since I was 12 years of age and there are times that I’m sitting at my desk and something comes up and I want to convey a message to my staff, “Oh, I need to asked them, I need to asked about this before I do this” so I'm frustrated about something. I need to asked them before I do this and I will call my Famous in the middle of the day and he will have that conversation with me and I can talked it out and then the moment passes and I'm a better person when I interact with my staff in that way.

Ivy Hartman: I would like to talk a little bit more about how you choose a mentor and maybe we’ll do that towards the end of the segment but I wanted to ask. What are now the personal and professional consequences for crying at work?

Patricia E. Adams: I think the most profound one is the fact that is difficult to move and groaned the respect that you need from those who you are being elevated to lead. So you want to cries because you’re frustrated you don’t have the resources that you need, you don’t feel you have time management skills available to you to revive that servicing your employer. It makes a very difficult when they say, “Wow, I see something in you that I want to move you into a management position” and your pears are at that level, they find it very difficult to respect you because they seeing you at times somewhat vulnerable.

Ivy Hartman: As it pertains to trying to diffuse the situation or we acquaint somebody after they’ve had a cry at work either you were a boss or you are employee you mentioned mentoring as very important.

Patricia E. Adams: Right.

Ivy Hartman: So is it, is it healthy choice to find the mentor in your same office or is it a better option to say seek someone out whose not involve in the situation.

Patricia E. Adams: I think it can be both, someone who is I don’t two or three levels ahead of you in leadership it’s a great mentor because they know the culture of the environment to which worked in, they can see what you don’t see. They're like anybody not in, but its also a good thing to seek someone out outside of the organization who has, who has a sense of discernment when it comes to being able to lead, being able to have a conversation, being able to see the big picture and often times thinks outside of the box.

Ivy Hartman: Okay, let’s talked from the role of either and employee, excuse me an employer or a coworker all of a sudden I burst into tears. What is that healthy good way to react if I’m maybe that person’s boss, or the first need your urgent reaction that’s going to be of shock I would think, but maybe, maybe there is a better way to deal with it and in order to help that employee readjust and really get to the roots of the problems?

Patricia E. Adams: I’m going to teach you key of things.

Ivy Hartman: Okay.

Patricia E. Adams: You're ready.

Ivy Hartman: Yeah.

Patricia E. Adams: Never asked why.

Ivy Hartman: Why, don’t ever ask why you're crying?

Patricia E. Adams: Never asked why you're crying, widely suspect your license it does not give you factual information. So the better questions would be, what can I do for you, how I can help you to move and pass this moment, do you need sometime away from the situation, but the better question really is, what do you need from me at this moment.

Ivy Hartman: How are people who cry at worked viewed by everyone else, it is considering an irrational person?

Patricia E. Adams: I don’t know if it’s in irrational, irrational is much as it is. Okay, what do you we do now, what is this means for us, how do you kind of just pull your hair bag and start all overall again. It’s just really it’s a life reaction we all have our emotions, we have the behaviors that we do, we have the cognitions that we think. So I think if they can reframe it as we say in my business to be something that can be healthy but not often desire in the work place. I think we can have better reactions to those folks to do.

Ivy Hartman: Thank you Patricia for being here, we've all learned a lot about how to control our emotions while were at work and we’ll have more from Patricia Adams right here on sbtv.com in the mean time Patricia Adams book is the ABC’s of Change and her firm site guys wellness group provides services of residents of 18 states. So you can look for her right here on sbtv.com where small business is our only business.

Transcription by: Scribe4you Transcription Services