This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting program with another parenting tip for you. Today we'll discuss what happens when your significant other or your ex-spouse undermines your discipline plans, your discipline programs. Let me give you a scenario because this is a very common problem because as you know our society today, we have a tremendously high divorced rate and there are lot of single parenting and generally speaking your parents who get divorced, don't really get along so well, and don't see things the same way. So you have a lot of situations. I get a lot of questions about parents who have tried to implement discipline program, and their ex-husband, ex-wife undermined them. So let me give you scenario to show you how can handle it.
Let's take for example, your son Bob who is 10-years-old, is not behaving so well, and he wants to get a DVD set, a DVD or something an Xbox and you say look Bob, you are not behaving well, you are not listening in school, you are not going to school, you are fighting in home and arguing. I will not get you an Xbox until I see a real change in your behavior and then your ex-husband goes ahead and buys him an Xbox, undermining everything you setup. So, how do you handle that?
Well, the first thing to do is your own complaint of your son about what your ex-husband did. I can't believe he did that. I set the rule and he undermined it or you don't say or you don't compliant because once you complain about what the other side has done, you first of all undermine your effectiveness and you are shortening your powers.
The best way to handle this is this. Bob I am really glad your father bought you that, and it's good that you have it. Of course, you can't use it here in our house until I see that you get to school on time, or I see that you help with the laundry or see you do your homework, or whatever criteria you thought originally, but the one thing that you want to do, is firstly you hold your ground and when you hold your ground that shows that you have power and you are the parent and you are in-charge which is what you must always maintain.
Remember, we are not our children's friends, we are our children's parents. Children have friends and children have parents, you can't be both. So you want to hold your ground, and you want to show you are effective, and you have your power. You can compliment, you're happy that child got the the thing he wanted, but you just can't use it here until you do what I said.
Again this is Dr. Anthony Kane from the Complete Connection Parenting program. if you want more parent tips, please go to our website at ccparenting.com, sign up for our free news letter.
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