How to Have Better Sex

Ask Dan & Jennifer Sex, Love & Dating Advice What’s your Question? From the Most Popular Couple Online Subscribe to our Channel And Please Rate our Show Give us 5 Stars! Featuring Special Guests Melody Brooke & Mike Henricks ThisIsGreatSex.com Jennifer: Okay guys, they were talking about sex. Actually we’re talking about not talking about sex. Well you know, the thing is why is it that we can talk about sex to our best friends, to our neighbors, even to our mom sometimes, but we can’t talk about sex to the one that matters most, our partner. So guys, why is it so hard to talk to our partner about sex? Melody Brooke: Well, I think it’s because people are afraid of rejection or they’re ashamed of what they—you know, they’re just afraid to talk about it. They’re afraid they might get rejected, they’re afraid, they’re not good enough, they’re afraid of all kinds of things so they just don’t talk. Mike Henricks: The more important something is, the more you want it, the less you're afraid to say it, because once you say it, the fantasy that you’re going get, it goes away. Jennifer: Oh! That is so true. Mike Henricks: So what you don’t want to do is ever really try because if you don’t try you don’t fail, and you have the fantasy. So you have to be able to let go of that. That means you’ve got to be in a place with this person that you think they’re going to at least hear and validate it and not run out of the room screaming you know. Melody Brooke: In women, women have this fantasy that men should just automatically know what they want. Mike Henricks: Yes. Jennifer: We want to be swept off our feet. Melody Brooke: Right, we want to be swept off our feet. And so the problem with that of course is we haven’t communicated anything about what feels good to us, what we like. Mike Henricks: Nobody talked about no sleeping right and then what else? Melody Brooke: You just do it and it’s great but what if it’s not? Mike Henricks: Some thing is, you don’t know which part to touch, at what times and what ways? Melody Brooke: With no one telling you. Mike Henricks: With no input whatsoever and that’s you know it’s like driving with your eyes closed. Jennifer: So we can’t just lay there and expect you to know what’s going on? Melody Brooke: No. Dan: Okay, but, so you see all these guys they go and talk to all their guy friends and like, I see this, I hear, you know this guy’s calling all his friends, “Hey! Is that okay to have sex during that time in the month?” And my answer was, “Well, I don’t know, what did she say?” well I don’t know, I’ve just asked my 3 other guys friends but I’m not therefore talking to her. Mike Henricks: Are they into the gift? What do they matter? Dan: That’s what exactly what I said. “Are you having sex with your guy friends? Oh! Good lord your gay!” and “No I’m phobic dude”. But you know, unless you’re having sex with them, you’re talking to the wrong person. Mike Henricks: Right, they don’t matter. Dan You know, bring out the rubber sheets and have it to discussion, right? Jennifer: So how do we get around it? I mean how do you feel comfortable talking to your partner about sex? Dan: Yeah! Mike Henricks: You can’t control what they did. But what you can do is start giving your partner the freedom to say what they want. And when she was talking about, it’s hard with women because they’re not willing, they don’t even want to think about it, they just want it to happen. Jennifer: I like that. Mike Henricks: Yes, well but if it— Melody Brooke: We’re all like that, we are. Mike Henricks: But it doesn’t work. Melody Brooke: No. Mike Henricks: You’re not going to get what you want if you don’t ask for it. Jennifer: I’ve read enough romance novels. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Melody Brooke: Right. Mike Henricks: And you’re not supposed to have to make a sound. Dan: And I fueled the corn flakes, I mean, right? Melody Brooke: Right, even they know it, yes. But the point is that you have to be able to make it safe for your partner to talk. So you just start letting your partner know that whatever it is that you have disliked or don’t like or whatever “Just tell me it’s going to be okay. I may not want to do it or may want to do it. You don’t know but I’m okay with whatever it is.” Dan: So welcome that feedback ahead of time, preemptive welcoming a feedback. I love it. Mike Henricks: You have to invite it. Dan: Okay, now here’s the other one, how about, during sex, in the moment, you want something different. Melody Brooke: Oh! That’s hard. Jennifer: Or you don’t like something. Melody Brooke: Or you don’t like something. Dan: “Man! I hate when you do that.” Melody Brooke: Yes, you’re just afraid to say. Dan: So what do you do? What’s a good way then? Mike Henricks: Just don’t do that again. Well, how do hear that, besides, just destroying your ego. Jennifer: Yes. Melody Brooke: Talk about ruining the moment. Jennifer: Yes. Mike Henricks: And that’s because you haven’t had anything positive. I mean, women don’t give you much feedback if this is good, and so if the only thing you get is, “Don’t do that again.” Melody Brooke: Well sounds, sounds are huge. It really, it’s better for women— Jennifer: So you don’t have to talk, right? Dan: No. Melody Brooke: No, you don’t have to talk about it, you just say that, “Wow” or whatever you know, you make those noises that’ll let him know. You just make the noises that communicate that you like it or if you don’t like it, you just don’t—you just to have no feedback that’s going to or you don’t say anything. Guys too. Mike Henricks: You know what, a few guys talk to her all the time. “But no offense, they’re giving you feedback.” That works. That’s working, that work. Dan: That’s BS a lot, they don’t necessarily talk and give much feedback during that time again with their partner, just go BS with their buds all day long. Mike Henricks: If that’s the case then they’re not teaching their partner how to do what. Melody Brooke: They’re not giving them the information. Mike Henricks: As well, you know women, the ones I’ve talked with and they don’t really know what’s going down there, they just know you’re doing something. And if you asked them what they like, they wouldn’t have a clue. They don’t know what you did. Jennifer: That’s true, they’ll go, “That felt good” or “that didn’t.” I mean, you know. Melody Brooke: Not sure what it was. Mike Henricks: But could you describe what it was? So, that feedback is actually important so that the one person does know what’s being done down there has someway to judge whether to do that again or how to do it different. And there’s always something that you didn’t think he’d like that you liked. Melody Brooke: Okay, so this kind of kind of comes to faking orgasm too, because when you fake— Dan: Faking orgasm. Mike Henricks: Miscommunication. Melody Brooke: Because you think that it’s going to make your partner happy. You don’t want to make him feel like— Dan: But it’s dishonesty. Melody Brooke: But the problem is that you don’t want to hurt their ego and you want to get—maybe you either want to get over with it like, “Okay, I’m done now, you can keep you know, you can finish”. But what it communicates is that what they’re doing feels good to you. Dan: Yes. Melody Brooke: So you’ve given them all theer— Jennifer: So, you did that again. Melody Brooke: Right, you get the exact same thing that didn’t work before, again. Jennifer: Once guys figured out that they think you like it, then they’re going to keep doing it. Melody Brooke: Yes, sure. Exactly. Mike Henricks: They don’t have enough inputs to pick something else. Dan: It’s like training your puppy once he pees on the floor, right? Jennifer: So you don’t like hurting yourself if you fake orgasm— Melody Brooke: You’re hurting yourself and you’re lying, you’re damaging the relationship, it’s not good. Mike Henricks: Right and you start doing that elsewhere, this is a good place to develop that open communication and withholding the little pieces of information that— Dan: So openness and honesty. Good things. Jennifer: Cool Melody Brooke: And acceptance. Jennifer: Being open, being accepting, allowing your partner, creating a safe environment. Giving feedbacks and never fake an orgasm. Melody Brooke: Right. Dan: Don’t do that. Don’t forget to Subscribe to our Channel!