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Host: Hi! Everyone, it's practical mommy with MyMommyManual.com and I am here with Shellie Fidell who is a Psychotherapist with women's Healthcare and partnership and today we are talking about something that isn't very easy to talk about and that's pregnancy loss. I think MyMommyManual is one of these places where we want to deal with issues that are not always about celebration and joy because grieving and losses also are part of our experience as women and as moms. So tell us about that and I know that you see quite a few patients that are dealing with grieve and pregnancy loss.
Shellie Fidell: I would say one of the most important things I think to let people know that it is okay to grieve. I think as a culture we don't talk about grieving. We expect there to be a time limit at which time you stop grieving and what we know about grieving that isn't really that way? It's more. You have to -- you can't avoid it. You have to move your way. Everyone experiences it differently. I think we tend to look at people who are very strong that they're coping very well and often times that's not the case. Sometimes the person that is crying and expressive about their grief, they are actually the ones that are not coping with it and other people tend to push it aside and maybe they develop more physical symptoms of grief, whereas expressing it, talking about your sadness, talking about your loss is really healthy.
Host: So you can't really judge whether or not someone is doing well or not based on how they are expressing themselves.
Shellie Fidell: No, I think often times though, family members don't know how to be there for people when they have had a loss and I think what's important for them to know is that be supportive but ask the person what they need from you. Because some people want space, other people want someone just to kind of be there for them. Some people want meals, others say give me time. So I think you as an individual had gone through a loss and can't tell others what you need from them then the people around you, support people should just ask what can I do today and understand that they could change from day to day. But give some time to grieve.
Host: So there is really know cookie cutter answer about how to do it but I think your message is to just really give yourself the permission to grieve however way you're feeling like you have to.
Shellie Fidell : And to get support. Not everybody like support groups on this. You know MyMommyManual is a wonderful resource for people who like to do it in a more anonymous private way. They can go and message where they can talk to other moms who have experienced loss which is so significant. And it's not so important that their loss is the same issue. We all experience it differently. It is a subsequent loss after having had a child or maybe it is your first, you may not pair up with someone that's had the same experience but you're still grieving. It's just means of gaining support from others.
Host: And there is still that connection, connected kind of your pain. Well thank you Shellie.
Shellie Fidell: Oh! You are welcome.
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