How to Manage Your Safety Phobias

Clay Nichols: Welcome back to the Lounge, I am Daddy Clay. Owen Egerton: And I am Daddy Owen, filling in for Daddy Brad, who is on vacation, trying to pigment his pasty, pasty body. Clay Nichols: Daddy Brad, we hope you are having a good time now at vacation and thanks a lot, Daddy Owen, for stepping in. Owen Egerton: Roger. Clay Nichols: I think most parents are pro-safety. Owen Egerton: Most. Clay Nichols: But I find that many parents, or almost every parent, well they've got some broad concern for the safety of their children across the board, there's always one or two issues that is really, really get the anxiety, they really are completely terrified of one specific or two specific things. Owen Egerton: Oh yeah, hot button. Do you got one? What's your's? Clay Nichols: Yeah, I've got a couple of them. One is very clearly, I am afraid of cars, for the children to be run over. I really scared of a destiny in car interaction with children involved and it makes me just absolutely terrified. I do weired things, I have to be real care for how the kids get out of the car at the parking lot. Everybody has to hold my hand before they exit the vehicle irrespective of holding the hands the whole time. It's embarrassing time. Owen Egerton: One has to hold the hand before they get out of the car? Clay Nichols: Before they get out of the car, they have to be in touch with me before they get out of the car and I will squeal awkwardly if I see a child break away from the van in a parking lot or any. Owen Egerton: Any child, not only your own, like someone else's child? Clay Nichols: Yes, it makes me cry. Owen Egerton: Really? Can I hear the sound of squeals? Clay Nichols: Ahhh! Owen Egerton: Wow! Wow that's a big one. Clay Nichols: But I am really afraid that and I think it's legitimate. I mean these cars are big, my kids, they can't watch that Pixar movie without weeping. Owen Egerton: Bug's life? Clay Nichols: No, the car one. Owen Egerton: Oh! Clay Nichols: Because I think that I've really scared them badly, and that's bad, but that's one is cars and the other one is, I am really paranoid about food safety. Owen Egerton: Oh yeah! Clay Nichols: Yeah, and it's like raw meat, any vegetable has to be washed, hands have to be washed and I don't actually know any cooking. I kind of stand behind my wife and I help her with that issue. Owen Egerton: Oh! So cars just must freak you out, it's so awful. Clay Nichols: Wow! So scary. Owen Egerton: I am really scared of burns. Like I am scared with oven, aren't they getting anywhere close. If someone is cooking, she is not allowed in there. She cannot smoke unless I am in the room, and lighting the cigarette. I actually keep the lighter. I give it to her to light and then I take it back, and she has to ask for again, unless she's going to chain smoke. Clay Nichols: That's actually true. Owen Egerton: Yeah Clay Nichols: I've seen him do it. Owen Egerton: But it's filter-less so we avoid all those chemicals. The other thing is I get really scared of the toddler falling into the toilet bowl, not for drowning but just yuck! Clay Nichols: They make pieces of gear for that, to hold the potty closed. It's a child safety. It's a little plastic unit, they put on the rim, and it holds up the toilet, and it's child-proof lock. Owen Egerton: We have one of those, but I pissed in the bathroom once too many times. Clay Nichols: I understand, it was also Owen proof. You know what, I think it's also interesting about parental fear is that if in a marriage, my fear is stupid, and her fear is totally, totally well founded. Owen Egerton: Yeah! Your obsessive compulsive holding-hands-in-the-parking-lot fear is stupid. Clay Nichols: The children are small and cars are big. Owen Egerton: What is like your wife's fear? Clay Nichols: Well, she's got a choking-phobia. Owen Egerton: Oh yeah! Clay Nichols: Such that like all the food, she's like dices it in little pieces when she puts in the food processor and serves up like this whipped topped of the steak becomes like a whipped topping that she serves to my son. Owen Egerton: Your son is like -- he is old enough now, he is ten years old. Clay Nichols: Yeah and he is getting a little tired of the whipped topping's taste. Owen Egerton: I can Imagine. Clay Nichols: Yeah! But she is totally crazy about that, about just making sure that everything is so small. Owen Egerton: And that's her obsession, and she is like your obsession is -- Clay Nichols: Why you are so stupid about this traffic thing, you are so crazy, but excuse me, well, I put the peas into the meat grinder and I mean she cuts up Popsicles. Owen Egerton: No that's not. It's going to melt by the time you're choking, am I right? Isn't that scientifically proven? Clay Nichols: How is this? Owen Egerton: Someone looked that up, I think. Jody, my wife, she's got a fear of choking like grapes. She is always cutting up the grapes and everything like that. That fear and then fear of leaving the child alone with me, and those two things kind of together. Clay Nichols: Right, I mean given the endorsement of Child Protective Services, I mean that's truly, that's pretty legitimate. Owen Egerton: Oh! She has got a case, I am just saying, let's not get obsessed. Clay Nichols: We don't have to get legal about it. Owen Egerton: Right, exactly. Clay Nichols: I think that it's very easy for you to have this one sort of spiking anxiety, and this one issue, and it can really affect kids, if we have this one real -- because I see my kids fearful of the things that I am afraid of. I guess, you have to be concerned about safety and security, but you have to like even it out, there are so many things to be worried about. Owen Egerton: That's true, you don't want to neglect one of the other fears that can turn into obsessions. They all deserve to be obsessions, is that what you are saying? Clay Nichols: Well no, that you have an even dispersal of your anxiety over all the potential hazards to your kids. Owen Egerton: You have read the news. Don't you think like our fears are crazier than they have ever been? Clay Nichols: I think that and do you read those things? There's something about that hurt kid all the time. Owen Egerton: I know, it's always and it is awful and there is a video and I do read them. Clay Nichols: I do too. Owen Egerton: Yeah. Clay Nichols: I have to, it must be read. Owen Egerton: I know. Clay Nichols: It simply must be read, and then I must be obsessed in being anxious about it. Owen Egerton: And they have a video with them like the empty swing, swing is like oh God! Everything is deadly. Clay Nichols: Now, if you have a particular anxiety or fear about your child's safety, something that you are really obsessed about like my car's what not, then once you go to DadLabs.com, create a profile, join in the conversation there. I'll start a discussion forum that's about what is your biggest parenting safety fear, and you guys can join us at conversation there. Daddy Owen is always on the site. Owen Egerton: Yeah. Clay Nichols: You can friend him up, talk to him over there. Owen Egerton: Friend me up. Clay Nichols: Talk to us about whatever is on your mind. That's all from us this week, here at the Lounge. Owen Egerton: I want to get friended up. Clay Nichols: It's just an expression, it's like friend me up, it's like, you know. Owen Egerton: Yeah, like come on and fill my space. Clay Nichols: Be friendly in a dad way. Owen Egerton: What? Clay Nichols: --dad way. Owen Egerton: Sure, call me Daddy Clay Nichols: Oh no! It's not like that, it's about safety, and security. Owen Egerton: I believe in safety.