How to Overcome Shyness

Audra Lowe: Do you guys step out of the shadow and enter the spotlight this year Communication Expert and owner of Speak Etc. Robyn Hatcher is here. She is going to help us out. Robyn has got some great tips that are going to take you from shy to shining in no time. I like that phrase, right. Robyn Hatcher: Yeah. Audra Lowe: And that is pretty interesting. Robyn Hatcher: Thank you. Audra Lowe: A lot of people are scared to talk to one another or until— Robyn Hatcher: No matter how long it’s been, it’s still one of the number one fears even above death which is kind of really bizarre. Audra Lowe: Really? Robyn Hatcher: Yeah. People are more afraid of speaking in public than they are at about dying. Audra Lowe: It’s because of the impression that they feel like they’re going to give up something. Robyn Hatcher: Yeah it’s the impression, it’s the vulnerability. It’s the feeling of being so vulnerable and feeling like somebody is going to just take their soul and they are going to be you know— Audra Lowe: Wow. Robyn Hatcher: It’s almost like dying. Audra Lowe: Right, very close to it I guess. Robyn Hatcher: Being exposed. Audra Lowe: You’re here to help people out. One of the things that you say is when you walk into a room, do it with confidence because people form an expression so fast. Robyn Hatcher: Exactly. People form an impression about you in two seconds. I mean and you know how quickly that is. Audra Lowe: Yeah. Robyn Hatcher: And within that two seconds it’s like in one of the really scary statistics is that people form a negative first impression of you. It can take up to twelve visits to undo that negative first impression. Audra Lowe: Wow, okay. Robyn Hatcher: So it’s really important to make that first impression really strong Audra Lowe: Really and standing up straight is one of your other tips too, right? Robyn Hatcher: Standing up straight is one of the tips and a lot of people have that whole thing as like standing up straight but then you don’t want to stand up so straight that you look stiff and army bound. When you’re standing, you want to have your weight slightly forward and when you’re seated you also should have your weight slightly forward, your heart center is coming towards the other person. When you are slightly forward, it gives you the impression, it gives the viewer the impression that you can move, that you are ready to move, you’re flexible. Sometimes if we stand up too straight we appear inflexible and that is not good either. Audra Lowe: Interesting. Well, I am pregnant right now so I am going the opposite direction backwards, so what kind of impression of me right now. Robyn Hatcher: You’ll get a lot of leeway. Audra Lowe: What about the command of your voice. How does that affect the way that people perceive you when you walk into a room? Robyn Hatcher: The voice is the second most important part of communication. Visual is first at still at 55% of the communication is visual, 38% of the communication is vocal. So what the sound of your voice is extremely important whether it has intonation, whether it’s lower pitch. Unfortunately ladies who have that higher pitched voice are not taken as seriously as the ones who can pitch their voices down and that is all about breathing and exercise to really strengthen the diaphragm muscles so that you can— Audra Lowe: Take it from here, right? Robyn Hatcher: Yeah to get it from here rather than come up here. We all do that. Audra Lowe: Well, you've been said that you’ve been taken so much more seriously just because of the tone of your voice. Robyn Hatcher: Exactly. I mean it's really funny and it's not funny actually but there are times at meetings when I'll have something to say and all I have to do is open my mouth and use my diaphragm and say, ‘Excuse me’ and people will stop talking and listen to me. Audra Lowe: It works Robyn Hatcher: And it really works and people will take and weigh what I have to say a lot more than what other people may have to say simply because of the way that I say it. Audra Lowe: You also have a thing that you call unspeaking. It’s up-speaking, sorry. Should we stop doing that? Robyn Hatcher: Oh please, it is becoming epidemic. Audra Lowe: And what does that mean when we talk like this? Robyn Hatcher: Yeah, when everything is a question and then you're saying something really interesting and people even introducing themselves like that. “Hi, my name is Robyn Hatcher.” Audra Lowe: Nothing registering at that point either. Robyn Hatcher: Nothing registers because that perceivable; everything sounds the same so mine will be a monotonous but then also it's like because the question means that you are unsure. You're not taken as seriously as if you were just saying and going down at the end of that sentence. Audra Lowe: Before we go, the one tip that you do have and I love to us that people say all the time if you're nervous imagine people in their underwear and you say, “Please stop doing this.” Robyn Hatcher: Yeah. Do not do that. Audra Lowe: So which we should be doing instead? Robyn Hatcher: There are two things like when you’re face to face what I learn which is so excellent is you look at the person's forehead. Yes, eye contact is extremely important but if I'm looking at your forehead which I'm doing right now, you don't know that I’m not looking in your eyes, right Audra Lowe: Right. Well, see I have a huge forehead too so I guess it makes you good look but it’s just above your eyes, right. Robyn Hatcher: Right above your eyes. You look at the forehead then you are not affected by the eye because the eyes are the windows of the soul. So, if you’re really looking at somebody’s eyes, you are going to be more intimidated but if you are looking at that forehead they might be right now. Audra Lowe: I can put these practices to you. Thank you so much, Robyn Robyn Hatcher: Yeah. Thank you Audra Lowe: Good to have you here. Robyn Hatcher: My pleasure.