How to Romance a Co-worker

Male: The book Officemate proclaims that to find true love, you need look no further than your work place. Author Stephanie Loci who has been married to her officemate for 16 years, let's us in on the do’s and don’ts of romancing a co- worker. Stephanie: Its true, my co-author Helene and I believe that the greatest pool of potential mates isn't online or in a bar or at the gym. It’s on the job. Office romance has gotten a bad rap for years, but statistics prove that it’s an effective way to meet your mate. Here are some facts. In the 2008 study done by the Vault, close to 50% surveyed has dated in the office. And 15% admitted to going on a date with a supervisor. At careerbuilder.com showed that an impressive 1/3 of office romances evolved into marriage. With more than 40% American employees logging over 50 hours each week at the office, where else are people going to find time to look for a date. In the olden days, people live in the same village from birth until death. Everyone knew each other. Even as late as the 1950’s, surveyors were finding that most couples grew up within a mile of each other. We believe the office has become the village of the 21st century. The locus of community. The new town square. It’s where we spend all our time, make our friends, and yes, meet our mates. Office relationships are sweetly old fashioned. And unlike online dating or speed dating, these relationships can take months of years to ignite. This luxury of time gives a couple a chance to get to know each other. Become friends and build a solid foundation of mutual respect and common interest. Okay, so now you’re sold or at least considering it. Here are few of the do’s and don’ts of office mating that will set you off on the right foot. Let's start with the do’s. Do make sure that you have more than the workplace in common. If all you do is talk about work, that could be a red flag. Do find out what you are like as a couple around other people outside of work. You need to test your relationship in the real world. So on a double date, take your mate to a social gathering or to meet your family. Do be clear about that you're doing and where it’s all doing. You have two careers at stake here. It’s not a bad idea to talk about how you’ll behave if your relationship doesn’t go the distance. You may decide to be more open with your co-workers or your boss about your relationship once you feel that it may be something substantial. But don’t get into the details. Nobody wants to hear whether he wears boxers or briefs. Okay, now to the dont’s, the number one mistake that people make is using email. Don’t make dinner plans via email. Don’t flirt, banter, or joke about last night over email. Emails are the property of your company. And they are not private. Companies have the right to collect, review, and intercept any emails you send. And they do. According to the American Management Association, more than half of all companies retain and at least occasionally review employee emails. And as much as we advocate finding your mate in your place of work, we don’t actually want you to conduct your romance at work. When you're at work, work. Don’t hang around each other’s cubicles. And the supply closet is absolutely off limits. Don’t leave and arrive together. Don’t argue in the halls. Don’t send each other anonymous gifts. Keep your private life private. Inter-office break ups maybe the main reason why co-workers choose not to get involved in the first place. Productivity goes up at the beginning of an office romance, 20% in fact. But it does take a dip at the end of a relationship as with any other break up. Here's what to avoid in the event of a falling out. Crying at the office. Involving co-workers in the break up. Dating another office mate on the rebound. Getting human resources involved, unless it’s a harassment issue. Or quitting in a huff. And again, don’t use email or IM to break up. Have the courtesy to break up in person. If you don’t treat your soon to be ex with grace, your ex may not behave so gracefully towards you in the future. And nobody needs that. But if you treat your ex with respect, you’ll both live to love another day. And I might add, get promoted. Let's not forget that the real reason you're at the company is to do find work. Meeting terrific people who share your interest is just another one of the benefits. Most of us take it on faith that companies object to office romance. But it turns out that the great majority of firms have no comprehensive policy on inter-office dating whatsoever. So the choice is very much yours to make. I hope you find Officemate useful and wish you much success in finding your perfect officemate.