Stephanie Goldman: Well, in the Hispanic culture, parents oftentimes don't talk to their children about sex, because they feel that the subject is taboo, or perhaps their views about premarital sex don't allow them to do so. Sometimes parents in the Hispanic culture don't talk about sex because they themselves are uncomfortable talking about sex and so they avoid the subject, or they don't know simply what to say or how to say it. Also, some parents fear that if they do talk to their children about sex, that it will awaken sexual desires in their children and so they avoid the subject altogether.
Female Speaker: But according to experts, not talking to your children about sex can actually put them at risk for harm.
Stephanie Goldman: If you don't talk to your children about sex, the risks are pretty significant. It can lead to misinformation. They are going to go their friends, their peers, to find out about sex, and they could be given incorrect information.
It could also lead to unwanted pregnancies, because they don't know how to protect themselves or who to turn to, or sexually transmitted diseases for that same reason. It could also lead to potentials for rape and violence, because they are unprepared to deal with certain situations.
Edgar Villamarín: Usually what they get from friends is more the erotic part, more the thrilling part, which also touches on irresponsible behavior. It's the daring part, it's being part of the click. If you are a man you will do this. God, how embarrassing! Of course I know that, just to appeal to you peer group and not to succumb to pressure, right? Whereas with parents, you get a balance, you get information, but you also get caution.
Female Speaker: If you think you don't need to talk to your preteen, aged 10-12, about sex, experts say, think again.
Stephanie Goldman: It's really not too young because girls can mature anywhere from age 8-14 and boys 10-12. So 11 and 12 years old, although parents often think that they are really not having sexual interest or desire, their bodies are changing, they are maturing, they are developing, their hormones are kicking in, it's a great opportunity to start really talking to them about sex.
Again, it really needs to be in a format where its a conversation, not a lecture, and although you think your children might not be interested, they might be interested and they might be listening, and so it's very important that this is ongoing.
Edgar Villamarín: So for children of 10-12, it's more an issue of, this are the things that are happening to your body, these things are coming up, and that's pretty much it. Also, attraction to their opposite sex, and what to do and what not to do. That's pretty much the content of what you have to do around that age.
Stephanie Goldman: You want to explain to them the different body parts between male and female and how they function. You also want to share with them your experiences growing up, your values, perhaps crushes that you had as a child, and ask them what they think. Clarify any misconceptions. Let them share their experience, it may be crushes that they are experiencing. I think the key is to normalize what they are going through, to validate their feelings, and to really be there to provide education.
You want to talk to them about the responsibilities of sexual activity. You want to talk to them about the difference between sex and love. It's important to share your values and the experiences that you had growing up.
Female Speaker: Then come the most crucial years regarding sexual knowledge and awareness, the teens.
Edgar Villamarín: When you are talking about teens, it's a little more complicated, because you are talking about actually being active at that time. Children are already active. We know of children who are active at 13-14 already, quite active as a matter of fact. So we cannot be as naive as we used to be. We need to more direct, answer questions, answer their questions, but also give them the opportunity to ask more questions.
How do we do that as adults? One is by staying calm, speaking as factually as possible. Do not get overly emotional. Do not criticize. Do not judge. Just impart information and power the teenagers with information so that they are better able to make better decisions.
Female Speaker: Topics to consider talking with your teenagers include:
Stephanie Goldman: How to protect themselves from pregnancy. How to protect themselves from contracting sexually transmitted diseases. How to be responsible. In other words, you want to discuss with them different forms of sexual behaviors, such as masturbation or oral sex. You can also discuss with them different types pf sexual orientation; there is homosexuality, heterosexuality.
Self esteem building is very crucial. Validating their feelings, affirming them, and how to resist peer pressure, how they can feel confident in themselves and not fall into societal or peer influence.
It's very important also to help your children prepare for potentially dangerous situations, how they can say no, and feel confident in their decisions, how they can handle difficult decisions. Also the role that drugs and alcohol play in potentially dangerous situations, especially those regarding sex.
Edgar Villamarín: Acknowledge that the subject matter is difficult to discuss. You may even want to say something about what happened to you as a teenager and whether your parents were available to discuss that issue at all. So that may give them a little bit of more comfort. Let them know that you understand, that you are not there to push this information or that conversation, that you are very much available if they are available to have it, when they want it, and as a parent we will be there.
Stephanie Goldman: Don't be afraid to tell your children what you think. Don't be afraid to impart your values and share your belief system with them, that's very important.
Female Speaker: Here are various suggestions on what you could say depending on your values and religious beliefs. These come from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.
Stephanie Goldman: Our religion teaches sex and expression of love within marriage, I expect you to wait. Because sex is a part of a loving commitment, I think high school teenagers are too young to have sex.
Another phrase that you can use is, it's okay to think about sex and feel sexual desire, everybody does, but it doesn't mean you have to act on these feelings. Or when you do eventually have sex, always use protection until you are ready to have a child.
Having a baby doesn't make you a man, being able to wait and acting responsibly does. You don't have to have sex to keep a boyfriend. If sex is a price of a relationship, find someone else.
Finding yourself in a sexually charged situation is not unusual, think about what you do in advance, say no.
Female Speaker: So don't forget to discuss different scenarios and ask them to think about how they would handle difficult situations. Talking about sex is not a talk, its an 18 year conversation, and by doing so, you can impact your child's decisions and future.
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