Hi! This is Francisco Bujan from vitalcaoching.com. I am answering some more questions that were posted in my channel and this one is: How to be with the guy without losing myself?
Actually the question was whose much stronger than that. There were a few points on its where this girl, I mean, you were saying. You know, I have difficulties finding exactly the right balance. Sometimes I am going to play games, to much with guys because I am afraid of losing myself. Some other times I feel like I am going to fart.
So, what is the right balance and how do you play that game without, you know, really losing your power abandoning yourself to a men. So, here are some ideas and it follows up on the idea of being emotionally independent. You know, when you are with a partner. With that creating this sense of dependency to somebody when you start dating, okay.
So, one of the key ideas is to stay in charge of your life. It is very important that when you start dating that you do not abandon yourself precisely. If this is the challenge that you are facing, generally. I realized that when you start dating somebody, you are not giving up your life. You are not saying to him, okay from now on, you have the right to tell me what to do, what to wear, I just give up my life whatever I am doing.
Now, the priority of the couple or the relationship takes over and there is no me or individual left, okay. I know I am making a caricature of it, of course. I am sure that you not going that far but very often that is the kind of mind sets that women and guys will have when they start dating. They think that because they are dating, they have to loose there individuality totally and that is not true.
You function much better in a relationship when you can both be single on a relationship. You engage or you bring into a relationship all the qualities that you have as an individual and the stronger you are as individual, the stronger your relationship will live. If you feel very insecure or you know, untrustful or very hesitant as an individual that is the qualities that you were bring in the relationship.
So, when two partners are strong, independent and happy, and energized in life. They will bring that into relationship and create a relationship which is very dynamic, very happy and very fun to be in, right. So, the whole point here is to remember that stay in charge of your life. You do not have to give up your life. You do not have to give up your power because you enter into relationship.
Now, this is a key topic. When I started coaching, you know, some years ago that is one of the first areas where I started coaching, we were none. I wrote an e-book about it, it is called “How to stay emotionally free when you start dating? Because it is a very essential topic and then you go back vitalcoaching.com and get t. If this is chance you are facing to now.
Let us focus on, you know, on really giving an answer to you right here, right now. Again, you can engage into a relationship taking little step at the time. When you start dating, you do not have to start seeing this new partner or this new guy everyday, 2 or 3 hours everyday seeing every evening.
Now, you cannot take small steps at the time. Make sure you are minding your social life. Make sure you are minding you carry a life. Do not shift your life around just because he is showing up in your life, okay. You have to maintain these different aspects of distance and stay in-charge of your life.
There is something that happens when you start interacting with the men, in the dating right, if you are a woman and you start dating a guy. Very often there is going to be a balance of power which is actually it happens all the time, of course.
Suppose that you are here and you meet a guy, who is extremely confident and very high with his position in life. Maybe he has a high social statues. Maybe he has lots of money. Maybe he is very good looking, I do not know. But what is going to happen it is that you create a balance of power, right.
Sometimes the balance of power is on the same level. It means that you are both equal. Sometimes it is a bit lower. It might be insecure guy who does not have that many life skills with you or its a guy, who has a lots of power and a lot of confidence. And sometimes you might meet even a guy who is demanding or possessive or controlling. So, do not let that happen.
It is very important that when a guy comes into your life and tries to dominate you or control your life. You have to put barriers and that is another elements that allows you to stay in charge of your existence and not to loose yourself.
There is of course much more to say about this. If you still have questions on this topic, feel free to post in the comments about here and if you are somebody else, ask question as well. I am going to make new videos. Take care and have a great day. Bye, bye.
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