Hi! This is Francisco Bujan from vitalcoaching.com. I am answering some more sessions that some questions that were posted on my channel here and this one is a question that I got from a woman or a girl. I am not sure how old you are either.
I do not want to be so dependent on my boyfriend? This is an excellent topic, really. Thanks for posting this questions. That is an excellent one.
Why? Because there are so many women or men out there who end up being in a relationship and feel like they are very emotionally dependent from there partner and you do not want to be in this situation.
Why? Because when you are very dependent, emotionally dependent, on your partner. You become very needy and very demanding. You put a lot of pressure on the relationship and you feel like you are being very insecure in general.
So, what do you do with that, you know, how do you build up emotional independence when you are in a relationship and the key is very simple. But you have to work on it consistently and make conscious choices, so that you build up a certain level of emotional independence.
So, what do you do? Well, the key is to build a certain level of freedom in your relationship and you do that by engaging consciously into building a base for yourself which is relatively independent from your boyfriend or partner.
What do you have to realize it is that if you have that base, you know that you will be alright with your partner or without your partner. You can be single within the day, right? You can break up. You can leave.
I hope it is not going to happen but if these happens. Do you have a back up plan? You have the kind of place in yourself where you can fold back and you know that you are going to feel great. That you are going to feel secure.
If you have that back up plan. If you have this base in yourself where you can be single and happy. Then this gives you a tremendous sense of security in life. So, this is what you are going to focus on, okay. How do you that?
There are three key areas you have to work on. The first one is your body, okay. You have to be in good shape. You need to be happy about yourself. You need to feel like any men, who would be attracted to you. If it is not the case then do something about it.
If you feel that you are not attractive. If you feel that you are getting two comfortable with yourself, you know. Maybe you are gaining a bit weight and/or you know, not really being in good shape or not eating healthy. This is very important.
You need to be in good shape for yourself. Not because of your looks but because you bodies is the greatest asset that you have in life and I am talking about life evolution. I am not talking just about dating or relationship. In general, your body is your greatest asset.
So, having, you know, being energetic and being vital and being in good shape is one of the things that gives you lots of extra power, okay. When you have that in life it gives you power. It gives base you can not really rely on. That is the first element.
The second element has to do with financial independence. This is a lot of big one because, you know, many women will enter to a relationship and maybe think; okay, well I am going to rely a little bit on my partner. I mean, it can help you guys as well, right.
You enter into relationship and you think because my partner is earning much more. I am going to drop my job for my profession and simply focus on being maybe a stay at home mother, right. You can take that to make that choice.
Now, when you make that choices, you would become financially dependent from your partner and these creates an emotional link which sometimes we bring insecurity as well. So, the second element that I mention is have a certain level of financial independence.
If right now, you are relying financially on your partner. Start taking step to be embark certain level of financial independence. That is the second step, to be build up security, power in your life, and not feel so independent on him.
The third element has to do with social life. I mean, if right now if the main person that you see in your life. You know, that is fine, I mean that is what very often couples do right. You start maybe neglecting your friends.
The goal here is to start feeding your social life again. If that connections, new connections eventually or start seeing your friends that you use to see before. Start reconnecting with them and think about this way.
You want to go out ones a week with somebody who is not your partner, not your boyfriend and this will give you back in a certain level of social connection and give you back a certain level power as well.
There is no to say but that stuff here. Remember those three things, right. Body, career, social life or financial independence and social life, okay. Take care and have a great day. Bye, bye.
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