I'm Leaving You! - Does The Punishment Really Fit The Crime?

[Music Playing] Jennifer: Okay we have all been there, you know you are in a fight, you are mad at each other but why is it that it seems like some men, some women too especially when they get to that point they are like “I am leaving, I do not love you anymore, this marriage is over.” What makes someone do that? Why do I act so extreme. Melody Brooke: Perhaps someone will do that when they are totally into that in what I call self-protective mode. When they just feel out of control, panicked and they just do not know how to get control over the situation again. In saying those things helps them to feel powerful and back into control. Jennifer: I am in control. I have been there too. Melody Brooke: And they are not really concerned about the impact it has on you because all they are focused on is their own panic at that moment. Dan: So it is more primal reaction and… Melody Brooke: Yes it is that old reptilian… Jennifer: So they are not attacking per say that is not the intent? Dan: Perhaps they are but… Jennifer: Because it feels like it really does, it feels like you are trying to hurt you do. Melody Brooke: It totally feels like they are wounding and they say like, “oh my god, did they go to panic mode but really it is about them being desperate for a sense of control again. So if you can recognize that, instead of reacting the way you are going too, you just want to contain. Dan: Well fine leave then. Jennifer: Right that is how I address, “I am leaving, well fine leave.” Dan: Leave. Melody Brooke: But instead if you can recognizer it as plea for help that they are really feeling desperate. Dan: If they can understand the reason behind it and what is actually causing it. Melody Brooke: Yes, that they really are in a panic and if you can do something that reassure them that you are in this relationship and that you love them and that you really want to find out what they are so scared about and help them get that sense of control back based on feeling instead. Jennifer: Help them to feel safe. Melody Brooke: Yes.