Is An Open Marriage The Answer To My Problems?

[Music Playing] Jennifer: Hi! This question is from Jane in California. Dear Dan and Jennifer: I am married, have a child and pregnant with my second. My husband introduce the idea of an open marriage, I do not see signs of him cheating so this is not excuse for him to seek affairs. I also start to have strength pulse lately because of my unsatisfied sex life in a cute male co-worker, he is not a player type but he fell for me and struggles like me. If no one is happy in the situation, will the open marriage thing really be the cure? Is it worth at adjusting my personal views on open marriage? What do I do if I fall in love with a new guy but he is not as good as my husband in terms of being a dad? What do I say to my kids one day? I feel so bad. I do not know what to do, please help me. [Music Playing] Jennifer: Wow. Dan: I think she just made the three points why open there just our concern. [Laughter] Dan: Sorry abut that. Jennifer: Yes, I mean sure, open marriage is working in certain situation but -- Dan: This is not one of them? Jennifer: The big questions I got from you are, you know. What are you looking for? Are you looking for sex? Are you looking to fulfill what is missing in your marriage? You know, because we all have emotional needs and physical needs and the whole idea of love versus sex and from your question, I got the feeling that they are all co-mingle together. I mean I think you are trying to fix the wrong thing, you really do. Dan: Yes, I know the swinging or an open marriage type of arrangement, maybe solution for a lot of different things but that something that you introduce when your relationship is more or less perfect. It is something that you introduce to spice up your sex life, to add some variety. Those things typically bring a couple much closer together. But you only go that way if your relationship is very, very solid. You cannot look at you relationship and say, you know, we are kind of drifting apart, hell, let us try an open relationship. Jennifer: Yes, it is not to fix for a problem. Dan: No, that is like, let us try to break up faster and that is [Voice Overlap] Jennifer: Yes, let us just drift apart. I think we had a relationship [Voice Overlap] Dan: And then there is the couple explained together, we are just swinging and then the open relationship beyond the other side of the corner being, where you and your spouse serve go home place separately and I think a really recipe for potentially things going south because as you said, you cannot fall in love with the other person. And you put your self in the position where you may well easily drift apart from your partner. Jennifer: Yes, the difference when you play as a couple, you built that, you are on the same room, you can bring each others energy, you know what is going on, when you put yourself especially if your relationships are already in trouble, okay? My opinion on open marriage where you go your way and he does his, it is like the next evolve level, okay? If you are trying to swing things as a couple that has been really successful and you are really happy and you have absolute trust for each other, maybe. Dan: And no jealousy, it is zero. Jennifer: Yes, zero jealousy but you still put yourself in a much more intimate situation where this other person can start feeling an emotional void and I think that is where you get in trouble, okay. The whole swinging over a relationship thing, it needs to be about sex okay. Dan: Yes, couples get together and then they go home together. Jennifer: Yes, they have fun. If you are starting to look like your question about, what if I fall in love and he is not a good dad? That sounds to me like you are looking for a divorce, not to spice up your sex life. Dan: Or a different partner, yes. It turns all the different issue altogether. Jennifer: But having said all of that, you have all the warnings and the red flags, if it is something that you decide to do, talk to your husband, be completely open with him, talk before, during, after and explore any uncomfortable feelings that you have, what went well and what did not and I mean on this stays critical. So, talk to each other and be honest. [Music Playing]