Jennifer: Okay this question is from Kris in Wisconsin.
Dear Dan and Jennifer, I love my husband and tried for years to get into be more open with sex. I am not shy all and prefer more sparks than even talking dirty, he wont at all. He prefers it quiet and the same every time. Here is the problem.
Dan: In the dark?
Jennifer: Eyes closed.
Dan: Probably.
Jennifer: I met a wonderful man on Yahoo chat. He is married as well and neither of us will ever leave with our spouses but we had the most amazing—
Dan: It always starts like that always.
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Jennifer: We had the most amazing phone sex imaginable. I am afraid otherwise without this outlet, I would not strayed. But this cyber sex fills the need and keeps me home where I love my husband. Am I a horrible person and should I stop?
Dan: Whether or not one is a horrible person is not a question for us.
Jennifer: It’s not our decision to make.
Dan: You say that you would have strayed and in my opinion you did stray. Our definition of cheating is a breaking up of trust with your partner.
Jennifer: Yes, and we saw on a good friend website, is that cheating is basically doing anything that you wouldn’t do if your partner was sitting right beside you. Right?
Dan: Yes, I mean, it’s not when you are having sex with somebody else. If you are both cool with it and you both like doing that, then how can you be cheating? You are not cheating on the other person, you maybe breaking somebody else’s a moral box, but whatever.
Jennifer: Hey, cheating is breaking the rules, right? If you look up cheating in the dictionary, it’s breaking the rules of standards of defying standards or whatever.
Dan: Yes, I do not give a damn or anybody else’s standards, you know, with cheating definitions, you know, you’re doing it exactly. It is with your partner. Are you breaking that trust? And in this case, you are breaking that trust.
Jennifer: Yes, it sounds like you are doing it behind his back. So, I mean, if I were you and you may become of afraid because you do not know how its going to go, maybe ask him how he feels about it?
Dan: About what?
Jennifer: If he does thinks that cyber sex is cheating? You know, talk about it and—
Dan: There’s got to be a way to liven up the sex, really.
Jennifer: You know, he might enjoy it. He may not be comfortable doing it himself but he may really love listening to you doing it with somebody else.
Dan: You are talking dirty with somebody else?
Jennifer: Yes and he might like that.
Dan: But there are, certainly, a lot ways to liven up your sex life and not just, yes.
Jennifer: Yes, but the thing herein, if you do it behind his back—yes, you’re cheating. Stop!
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