Is My Girlfriend Using Me Or is Her Love Real?

[Music Playing] Jennifer: Hi! This question is from DW in Tennessee, I am sorry, that just makes me think of the Arthur cartoons when my kids were little , anyway, dear Dan and Jennifer, I started talking to this girl and we hooked up, things escalated rather quickly and we ended up staying together. She dropped hints that she was not actually ready for a relationship and while I was away on vacation, she told me to go back to my own place. We started hanging out again and then one day she asked me to stay the night again. After that I have been staying there on and off and the other day I noticed the change in her and now she is back to pushing me away again, she is confusing me and I do not know if I am wasting my time and she is just using me so she does not have to feel alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. [Music Playing] Dan: Stay, go, stay, go. Jennifer: Dan, what is up? Dan: This is what she is looking for. Sounds it is like a select of variety that is good. Jennifer: The word emotional roller coaster comes to mind. Dan: Variety. [Laughter] Okay fine, look, you can only control your self, your own behavior; you cannot control other people, as much as you try, as much as you want to, you can never control anyone but you. Jennifer: That is true. Dan: It is very simple. Jennifer: People try all the time but it does not work. Dan: Every time, it is just bad idea so she is obviously not ready for a long term, for a steady committed, not lots of variety live in relationship so if you are not cool with this back and forth then stop staying with her over night and then complaining about it. Jennifer: And here is the deal, part of what I did not read in the question was you said something about her suffering from depression and things like that and all you can really do in a situation like that is be there for her. You cannot make it suddenly be okay, but our two sense worth is stop getting sucked into that cycle where you on again off again, stop spending the night with her every time she ask but then you know that is hard for guys to do but back off and set some boundaries for your self. That is my two sense, set the boundaries yourself and then you would not get sucked into that roller coaster.