Is She Addicted to Love & Sex?

Jennifer Okay, this question is from Seth of Michigan. Dear Dan and Jennifer, My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for three years now. We were both virgins when we started dating and about a year ago, I caught her with another guy. We broke up but still talk to her main friends. Since then, she has gone through three other gushy and has had sex with every one of them. I do not think she meets at the same time. I take it slow with every guy she dated. And after while I asked her, why is she rushing into bed with each of the guys she dated. She told me she was excited to have this new feeling. And this I sworn we have been back together for a month now after working things out. So my question is, how do I keep this new feeling with her so she does not find someone else again? Wow, technically, that sounds a little bit weird but she just keeps writing this chemical high. You know when you first meet someone and you fall in love and everything is just perfect. You look at each others colored glasses, I like that. Dan Something drunk that whole time, it is sweet, yes. Jennifer Yes, it is almost like being drunk and that truly is a chemical released in your brain. And like the new car smell Dan And the new car smell does wear off eventually. And that is a very, very good ______ (00:01:35) actually. But first of all, she may have like to have sex with her partners and you just ______ (00:01:48) about this is not going to be helpful. Jennifer No! We like to have sex so that is part of, yes. Dan Yes, but some start in a minute but people tends to like having sex. There is a destructive pattern there and she needs to recognize and somehow stop it. But then again, it is just part of growth and who we learn to be and who we choose to be overtime. Sure it is destructive to leave relationships early and go for the next chemical and then the next chimerical and then the next one. Jennifer And she is even taking it further by having sex with these guys because that is yet another chemical you are releasing and get a high and you crush off that as well. Dan And you want to keep it but here is a thing. You cannot tell her, you know what, girl you have the serious dysfunction going on here. You are depending on the chemical high and you could dump your boyfriend too early on. And what is she going to tell you. She is going to say,” well that guy was faulty cause he had this problem.”, and the guy had this problem and the other guy had this problem.” She is not going to say, “You know you are right. I do have an addiction here, I need to stop. It is not going to happen.” More than likely, you are going to loose her if you try to do that. So all you can do is keep your relationship as exciting and as fun. It is possible. And do not let yourself, this is something that, just about if she is really guilty of all though. Men tempt to be the worst culprits and it is getting comfortable. Everybody wants to get comfortable in their relationship. Jennifer They stop trying. Dan Be aware of the comfort thing that this is a serious sabotage in a relationship. Keep getting her flowers, take her to dates. Truly keep your relationship special. Jennifer Yes, every day is a new day. Dan Yes. Jennifer Yes, just do not get too comfortable and come pleasant and treat every day like it is the last day you have together, and chances are she would not get bored. Dan Do not try to fix her. You cannot fix it anymore. People will change the moment that they are ready to change. It is almost impossible to get change what you want to. That is a very big aspect.