[Music playing]
Dan: So with a lot of people want to know guys, girls can a relationship survive in affair?
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Melody: It can it sometimes does not but it is certainly can. The problem is in affair is not really the issue.
Jennifer: Thank you.
Melody: People think the affair is the issue? But the affair is not really the issue. The affair is a symptom.
Dan: Thank you finally. Yes okay.
Melody: You know the relationship has a problem or there would be no affair.
Dan: Yes.
Jennifer: Obviously yes.
Dan: But a lot of people focus on just the affair yes---then there is a problem to them.
Melody: And what happen is to ruin the party fails betrayed and Oh my god I have no responsibility, I am the victim and that person is just the bad, bad, bad person.
Jennifer: With all their friends and family.
Melody: Oh that include all with all the poor thing.
Jennifer: How could you that it is such a…[voice crossover]
Dan: Yes 01:05 [laughter] it was not me. I did not do it, it was not me.
Jennifer: Woman had affairs too. [Voice crossover] Oh for the record.
Melody: Very much.
Dan: Women do not do that.
Melody: You know in my practice I have seen it work both ways and for some reason men tend to be more forgiving than women. And I think that is because women tend to feel more comfortable in that victim role and they just you know they have not been raised on the idea of men or 01:26 you know.
Dan: That helps it.
Melody: And so they really have a hard time shifting from thing that they do not have some responsibility. That they are not really just to helpless victim, there were something wrong in a relationship or this would not happen in the first place.
Jennifer: [Voice overlap] tango kind a thing yes.
Dan: So how can a couple get passes? It really get a passed not just the way with the symptoms what can most do?
Melody: They have to move out of that victim place. You know that they wounded party has to begin the takes on ownership for the fact that they had something to do with the problem that occurred.
Dan: So stop talking your friend Bob and everybody knows Oh absolutely--- [voice crossover] did you wrong.
Melody: And for one thing anytime there is a problem in a relationship you do not go to your family, you do not go to your friends, you stick to yourpartner.
Jennifer: [voice crossover] we just saw a video about this two days ago Oh my god--- whether all Thank you---exactly that.
Melody: You do not go outside the mirror face.
Dan: But what did this emotional support Bob telling you man she did you wrong. You are so right. You do not get that yes--- but that is worthless.
Melody: But that is worthless and it just what it does is it reinforces the victim class. Yes---and you will never get pass not to keep having people reinforcing it your victim. You have got to move out of that and you got to come back together and see your partners even if they are being and not as a bad guy.
Jennifer: So do you think I mean in that situation it is counseling, is that kind of a requirement?
Melody: It is a requirement.
Jennifer: [Voice crossover] did not include that by myself.
Melody: There is no way, there is no way.
Dan: But you got another counseling, I imagine that.
Melody: Absolutely.
Dan: Not counseling, you get conscience, she gets counseling .
Melody: Anytime there is a problem in marriage you got have both people there. In fact it is just a proven that if one person goes and another person does not I tell you are going to end up divorce.
Jennifer: I think you may have read an article about that. Okay---and we have an article on our site that is about that very thing and it is really incredible. You could do individually counseling? They are going to help you strengthen the individual [voice crossover]
Dan: That is suppose you both going into a relationship [voice crossover]
Melody; Because if you both go then you will have a chance of really strengthening the bond between you. And learning how to give each other, being emotional support rather than the therapist thing emotional.
Dan: Rather the
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