Jewish Jokes That Explains Jewish Life Part 2
Shalom, I am Rabbi Jonathan Ginsburg of the Ezra-Habonim, Niles Township Jewish Congregation in Skokie Illinois. This is my installment of my favorite Jewish jokes. First one is about a Jew who is been shipped wreck in a dessert island and over the course of time he is there for 10 years, he build some good buildings and finally he is rescued and the captain says we have to leave the tide is going on. Fellows says I have been here for 10 years, I build some nice thing because I think they can not take them with but I love for you to see them, take some pictures. So they walk a hundred feet from the woods and there is a beautiful little building and the captain of the ship says “what is that?” That is my synagogue, take a tour it is really amazing, beautifully designed but about now we really have to go and took some pictures and wait there is one more building you have to see . They walk another hundred feet and there is another little beautiful building, they go inside and they look at it and the captain says what is that, is that the other synagogue?. Captain says how many Jews are here in the Island? The guy says it is just one. How come you have two synagogues? Well, the first one is the one I pray in and the second one in the one I called dead end. Second joke, the synagogue has a despiod about what they sit or stand for this prayer the Smah, the holy prayer. Half of the congregation stands and the half sits they argue every time they comes up twice a day and finally they are kind of discussing with it and they go to the oldest member of the congregation and they say, Rab--would you please tell us what is the tradition of this congregation we can not decide, we argue all the time about what we should stand or sit for the Shima, what is the tradition of this congregation? Well man thanks admitting and says the tradition of this congregation is the argue whether you stand or sit for the Shima. Third joke, Rabbi has a heart attack, he is on the hospital and a couple of days later when he is healing of the president of the congregation comes and says to the rabbi. Rabbi you know we had a board meeting last night and the board want to convey our sympathy and your heart attack and the vow is 8 to 7. Next joke, a rabbi, canter and the president of the synagogue are stuck in Africa and the cannibals capture them and they are going to cook them and eat them and say “which one wants to go first?” The rabbi said well you know I know I get a last wish before you cook me I 2 hour sermon I always want to give, I was not able too because the congregation can not stand still for that. I would like a 2 hour sermon. The canter is well you know I have a one hour prayers, particular beautiful melody that I always want to use at my congregation in ever since still for. I love to sing that 1 hour prayer. The cannibals turned to the president and say “what about you?” Let me get this straight the Rabbi want to give a 2 hour sermon, the canter wants to sing for an hour, cook me first. Next, 2 Jews a husband and wife are in a small plain flying over the ocean and their plane crashes on an island and they are staying there and the radio is broken and the wife is frantic. The husband pull out a launcher from the plain, lights up a cigar and starts reading the news paper. The writings says” why are you nuts where the moon here, the radio is broken, what is the matter?” Husband says I am not worried at all, let me just ask you one question. Did you make the pledge to the United Jewish Aphelia? The wife says yes, he said did you pay it? No, do not worry they will find us. And finally a fellow crosses his mother aging mother and says “Ma’am how are you?” and she said “not too good” “oh ma’am what is the matter, how come you are not too good” She said I have not yet eaten in four months. You have not eaten in four months, why not? She said” well I did not want my mouth full incase you called” I hope you enjoyed those Jewish jokes.