Dan: Today, on Ask Dan & Jennifer, Homemade Sex Toys, should you really roll your own.
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Dan: Here’s the big question, should or why do people use homemade sex toys? Why? There’s got to be a reason that so many people roll their own.
Jennifer: Right, I mean, today, you can buy sex toys pretty much online easily, right? And it comes in discreet packaging so nobody even knows.
Dan: But why do they still do it? Or it is just that they still do it.
Jennifer: I think that’s it. They still do it, okay, but one stigma, people are afraid of what other people will think, what if their kids find their toys, what do they tell them? It’s really stigma, you know what.
Dan: What if the neighbors find out?
Jennifer: Yes, “What’s everybody else going to think?” The other one is cost, there’s a perception out there that sex toys, it’s cheaper and easier to make your own than to buy one, okay and the other thing is availability. But I think availability is just lack of knowledge because trust me, if you want a sex toy, they’re really easy to get one these days, online, awesome.
Dan: Oh yes, absolutely. So now, safety of homemade sex toys, okay fine, we’re not huge fans of rolling your own for sex toys. You’re going to be putting these things on or in very not so much to just private but very sensitive areas of your body. And you don’t want to introduce some sort or bizarre bacteria from a cucumber in there because—
Jennifer: You don’t know where that cucumber was grown and what’s growing on it.
Dan: Talk about how expensive that can be and painful.
Jennifer: Right.
Dan: So okay, safety.
Jennifer: So okay, that’s kind of our feeling with homemade sex toys. So Dan’s going to talk about boy toys and then I’m going to come back and talk about girl toys.
Dan: And a lot of guys like, “Whoa, whoa, I don’t need no sex toys. We’re inborn sex toys”. Okay, so, “I don’t want to put nothing in there”, no, not like that. Alright, when we’re talking about guys sex toys and we see it, surely, everybody seen American Pie, if you hadn’t, you’re seriously messed up.
Jennifer: That is not the intended use for a pie by the way.
Dan: No, such ashamed of a wonderful delectable cherry pie.
Jennifer: You know what, tell me the Tarzan joke, what’s the Tarzan joke?
Dan: Oh my god! They’re about to have sex, Tarzan and Jane about to have sex right, and he steps back and kicks her really hard, “He said, what the hell? What’s wrong with you?” what are you doing? And he is like, “Tarzan check for squirrel.”
Jennifer: Don’t be sticking it where it doesn’t need to go.
Dan: Exactly. The more the sore is, don’t put it where you have to check for a squirrel.
Jennifer: If you have to worry about squirrels, you’re in trouble.
Dan: Exactly. So and I hope Jane doesn’t have a squirrel. But anyway, what have guys used as sex toys, we’re talking of masturbators okay. Instead of your right hand, don’t freak out okay, not that kind of sex toy.
Jennifer: Yes, the topic of today is masturbators will save anal toys for different video.
Dan: Exactly, so don’t freak okay. Now, what have guys used? I forget to list so, fruit, fabric, pillows, balloons, cardboard and when you say cardboard, don’t think cover boxes, think more like the toilet paper roll or depending on what you or the length that need perhaps, a paper towel roll.
Jennifer: Couch cushions, cups with sponges, everything you can think of.
Dan: Okay and that’s all nice and good.
Jennifer: Can we talk about this, guys?
Dan: Yes, we talk about solid alternatives, Jennifer, hold them and I’ll illustrate. Show them all around, and include the entry and outry point.
Jennifer: Out, in.
Dan: It stretches to whatever size you need.
Jennifer: In case you get confused, it’s properly shaped.
Dan: Yes, and exactly this end’s up.
Jennifer: What I like is these things are very squishy.
Dan: They are. They’re great fun. We should check this out later.
Jennifer: They even have sound effects.
Dan: You can get—this one’s actually 20 bucks, it’s called a Super Head Honcho. You can get it from Adam & Eve. Seriously, if you masturbate more than 3 times a year, I mean, it’s probably worth paying 20 bucks to get a tool, you know.
Jennifer: 20 bucks guys, come on.
Dan: Or just your right hand, because it’s a lot softer than your right hand.
Jennifer: It’s definitely softer than a paper towel roll.
Dan: Not nearly as fun as a woman, my opinion, but hey, anyway. This one is a little more fancy, this one’s 30 bucks. This one’s called The Pleasure Pearl. And it has what they call—
Jennifer: Got little things in here.
Dan: Yes, can they see that?
Jennifer: Yes, I think so.
Dan: What you call Pleasure Beads or Orgasm Beads, whatever.
Jennifer: And everything’s soft and squishy but the little pleasure beads are hard.
Dan: Yes, so this end up.
Jennifer: Okay, so, girl toys. Are that’s all the guy toys we have today.
Dan: Definitely guy toys.
Jennifer: Girl toys, okay. Girls have stuck anything in there that they can possibly find. I mean vegetables, brushes, bottles.
Dan: Stay out the bottles, come on.
Jennifer: Rough blankets on there for friction, I mean, guys, you’re not the only ones. Okay girls will do just about anything.
Dan: They just want to talk about it.
Jennifer: So the first thing that we got that as a purchase substitute for the homemade stuff, like come on, it doesn’t take much imagination. This could be—
Dan: Its 30 bucks.
Jennifer: A large pen, I could be a carrot if you’re into vegetables. It could be—it looks like a gigantic tampon.
Dan: A permanent marker.
Jennifer: But guys don’t want to hear that.
Dan: A permanent marker that’s not going to stain it.
Jennifer: A permanent marker, a small curling iron, so there’s lots of home substitutes but tell you what, home substitutes aren’t going to vibrate. This one vibrates.
Dan: Not to mention, this one’s waterproof and it’s—
Jennifer: Totally waterproof.
Dan: You can sanitize it properly. You know where it’s been, hopefully and it’s made for that purpose, you’re not going to get all kinds of bizarre bacteria, you’re not going to get metal fillings off of it, okay.
Jennifer: Right.
Dan: Much safer, again, safety.
Jennifer: Safety.
Dan: I know we had another one. Cucumber.
Jennifer: If you insist large vegetables.
Dan: And they say size doesn’t matter.
Jennifer: This little guy, I was like, “Wow! What is this?” But he’s very interesting; he does all kinds of stuff. I don’t know if you guys can see that.
Dan: I didn’t see no cucumber that does that.
Jennifer: This little guy vibrate, you get no cucumber, yes.
Dan: That’s a very talented cucumber.
Jennifer: There is no cucumber that’s going to wiggle like that. Oh, and I just have one safety comment, if you are going to use vegetables or hairbrushes or anything like that, at least have the common sense to put a condom over it.
Dan: Thank you.
Jennifer: To protect yourself from any kind of infections. Oh! And I forgot to say, both of these little guys are completely waterproof.
Dan: So what are these? You can get this for 30 bucks?
Jennifer: No, that was like 30.
Dan: So girls, if you admit—
Jennifer: This one’s a little more, he’s like $60 but, very talented.
Dan: Well, I mean how many women really masturbate more than 2 or 3 times a year seriously? Anyway.
Jennifer: So these are just some basic substitutes for homemade sex toys. I think its well worth that they make the investment and then you have a toy. That’s its intended purpose, you know, it’s not going anywhere else.
Dan: So which brings the question, what’s the craziest homemade sex toy that you’ve ever tried or heard of? And do you prefer to buy or want to use stuff around the house? Leave a comment.
Jennifer: Okay now, onto the special offer that we promised you, Adam and Eve—
Dan: No, don’t tell them about it.
Jennifer: In addition to providing this really cool toys for us to show you, we have a special offer just for our readers and here’s what it is, you get 50 % off of almost anything on their website. In addition to that, not only do you get half off, you get 3 free adult DVDs, you get a mystery gift that is so sensual, they said they can’t even tell us what it is and free shipping. You cannot beat free shipping.
Dan: Actually that’s pretty cool.
Jennifer: And you have to do is enter the offer code or the coupon code or offer code, what, you guys know what those boxes are right.
Dan: And check out DanJenn.
Jennifer: So, Dan Jen, D-A-N, J-E-N-N.
Dan: Do you like Dan? You’ll like Jenn, DanJenn.
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